Relationships Anxiety

[DaisyC]

i have had (non diagnosed - too anxious to talk to someone lol ) for years and i dealt with my depression pretty well but i struggle with my anxiety. sometimes it’s not there sometimes it really is. i’ve been manipulated and used and disregarded so much it’s ruined my ability to have a relationship, i always end up ruining it with my anxiety about being used or not being wanted. i have issues in all relationship in my life including family, friends and romantic partners. I either sabotage myself from something good or i just feel like the person is just lying to me or using me or they like me and get bored / sick of me or don’t want me anymore which makes me try to cling harder and i can’t stop it. relationships just become a sad thing to me. i’m seeing someone now and if i am not with him i feel like he doesn’t want to be around me or he’s happy i’m gone and i just have such intrusive thoughts including some minor suicide thoughts ( i’d never do it i just sort of imagine what people would think / if they’d care if i did ) i don’t know how to deal with this. i’ve never had actual therapy but i’m very self aware and good at treating my own issues, i’m self educated in psychology and know the ins and outs of my own issues and emotions and where they stem from and why i have them but i still can’t get through them so i don’t think therapy will help me, i want to get anxiety meds but i am too nervous to talk to my doctor, anytime i’ve tried i get embarrassed and downplay it or they suggest something useless and i just pretend like it would help. I don’t know how else to. my anxiety gets so bad sometimes i can’t leave my house or worst cases my bed. i just lie there like heart racing picturing being judged or anything. it’s weird because some days i’m so confident and fine, that’s why i think meds would help for those big moments and attacks. Is there any way to get medication prescribed online hopefully and hopefully a bulk billed session or something? i do have a refferal from one of my old doctors for beyond blue counseling but i don’t go to that doctors anymore and don’t want them to report back to that doctor. I’m at a loss because i want to be in a relationship and have friendships but they just make me so anxious that they become sad and i’m tired of being lonely.

[20girl101]

Wow! I am suffering from relationship anxiety as well, but the other side of it. I doubt my feelings for my partner. The thoughts started about a month and a half ago, I would constantly think "Do I love him?", maybe i'm not in love with him, and to be honest, it's been very hard. Like it's hurting me so much because I know I love him very much and can't stand the thought of losing him! My anxiety gets really bad at night as well. First few weeks I would cop massive anxiety attacks and just freak out and cry, but now all you can do is try and push the thoughts aside. Don't engage with them, because all they do is just grow stronger and stronger ! You definitely need to talk to your doctor.

Here to chat x

[Emmen]

Hello DaisyC,

Welcome to the forums.

I used to have the same insecure feelings as you do so I know how you feel. You mentioned: i’ve been manipulated and used and disregarded so much it’s ruined my ability to have a relationship, i always end up ruining it with my anxiety about being used or not being wanted. I think the main things you have to internalise now is that your past relationships are not your current relationship. Your anxiety is there because you've internalised the old patterns and are worried that it will repeat. But I'd suggest taking a step back and asking yourself why you're anxious about this relationship going the same way. Has there been any sign that your partner is about to do that to you? The same goes for all of your other relationships with family and friends. Unfortunately with anxiety and the insecurities that come with it, we do tend to jeopardise our own happiness and we have to find a way to stop that negative cycle. What helped for me was that whenever I started having insecure thoughts, I'd count to ten taking deep breaths, and then ask myself why I was feeling this way. I'd also constantly remind myself that people have a right to their own lives outside of their relationship with me.

You sound like someone who is self-aware and able to address your problems yourself. It's a good trait, and I have faith that you will be able to slowly address your insecurities. I'd strongly suggest going back to your GP and talking about this. No one will judge you for it so you don't have to be embarrassed (in fact, this hesitation about going to the GP is your anxiety speaking!). If you're able to get access to counselling too, I think it could be very helpful for you. It'd be able to equip you with the right skills to manage your anxiety in the longer term.

Warmly,
M