Dear Emgrass~
I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here. I can understand your feelings. Once you are really attracted to someone it can take over you life. This is, from my point of view, a mixed blessing. Another person in an equal partnership with mutual support and cherishing yes, an unbalanced one where one is dependent on the other, but not the same level of attachment in return leads to heartache.
Needing that constant reassurance may be due to a deeply held belief that one is not worthy. I am not a doctor, just someone who has different MH conditions, but found myself, at one stage to be in a similar situation, though it was suspicion and distrust due to PTSD, and that was from entirely different cause from yours.
A hard situation to deal with. Even if you show the strongest self restraint and don't text or otherwise contact the person of your affections the anxiety builds up, and may come out when you do get together in anger or crying. I guess it depends.
I've no magic fix, though I can point out you have been injured in your childhood and I suspect often this leads to not feeling a complete, strong and worthy person.
I can make suggestions, though they may seem unrelated. If you can establish in your own life peple and/or matters of accomplished and enjoyment that are independent that may take your mind of his absences They may give you more to offer and at the same time have a thing you might do each day just for you to enjoy and look forward to.
This last one has surprised me at over time regular self-reward had made me feel better about myself. I guess I get to feel I am entitled to be rewarded -dunno.
I know you have medical support, which I found extremely necessary, but do you have persona support too? First does your guy understand and actively try to help? Secondly do you have anyone, family or friend perhaps, to talk with and know you will not be judged but just cared for?
I hope to talk to you some more
Croix
