Relapse, falling behind with work

[TJE]

Hi

Don’t really know what I’m looking for but thought it might
help to write this out. I’ve been managing my anxiety and depression okay for the
last year or so, but it’s back with a vengeance recently. There are a few
external reasons for this – I’ve started up as a freelance writer earlier this
year, which is my passion and something I’m really proud of having done. Also means
I can work from home. The nature of freelance is that the level of work is
unpredictable and I’m just about earning enough to get by financially, but I’m
struggling with the level of work and keeping up with deadlines and demands,
especially because we moved house last week.

Most of my work is through one agency, and I get on with them
okay. This is my ‘regular’ work – about 6 articles a week for various clients
of theirs. I’ve told them I’m moving and will be busy with that, but I’m still
worried that they’ll dump me because I’m falling further and further behind. I
recognise they haven’t actually said that, or put that much pressure on me
beyond asking when I’ll be able to send some more work. To be honest I still
think they are unhappy with me though and my lack of reliability/ability to
deliver regularly.

Trouble is I’ve got to a point where anxiety is stopping me
from doing the work. I guess I’m just mentally exhausted and once I’ve done a
couple of basic tasks (e.g. posted mail, dropped off paperwork at estate agent)
I’m panicky and can’t face the writing work. I just want to cry and/or sleep.

I know I’ll feel better once I’ve made a start and even done
a couple of articles to get things going again, even if catching up on all the
ones I’ve missed isn’t realistic. I’ve tried to give myself a day or two to
rest but I just can’t seem to get into the mind frame to concentrate and write.

Any thoughts? Thanks.

[Sophie_M]

Hi TJE, welcome back to the forums.  While you're waiting on replies from the community, we're going to provide a link back to your thread from 2015 when you were struggling with anxiety in your previous work role - there may be some advice and insights there that are still applicable now:

Can't face going to work, but worried what happens if I quit

[Blue_Jane]

Hi TJE

Welcome back. First of all hats off to you for becoming a freelance writer. I am in awe of people who have a passion and follow through on that passion. It might feel hard now but that is because you are still new to it. It will take you time to get into your routine and manage the different emotions that come with being your own boss.

Overall it sounds to me like you are being really hard on yourself. It makes sense that your anxiety is back with everything going on but sounds like you are self aware so now is the time to get the help you need to get yourself back on track.

How have you managed your anxiety in the past? For me to manage my anxiety on an ongoing basis it is a mixture of exercise, diet, medication, deep breathing exercises and spending time with family and friends to decompress from work, as well as my own thoughts!

I recently started a new role at work and I found it incredibly overwhelming and had a panic attack in my second week. I then found it useful to break down exactly what was required and started to work through the little things and then I found that they added up to decent progress. Maybe that is an approach you can try?

Have you spoken to your GP recently? I always think it is a helpful place to start as they will have a balanced and objective view.

Blue Jane