Regret of buying a kitten- Help!

[Nessa-chan]

Hi, I'm a 21 year old GAD who is in their third and final year of university, along with a part time job and club leader.

Recently about 5 days ago, my dad bought a 10-week old ragdoll kitten for me. For the last few years I've wanted a pet and only about 3-4 weeks ago did I get permission to have a pet by my mum. I was only looking at some things to know about owning a cat and just bought a few things to see if I liked how it was in my room. The day after buying some things (that if I didn't want I would have given to a friend) my dad said he had found a kitten for our house, and later that weekend we got the kitten.

I was very excited but nervous and anxious about having one. After 1-2 days I noticed that I was feeling more anxious and down then usual, and I recently have been going to therapy for my anxiety and depression. I noticed it was linked to the worry and anxiety about owning the kitten, the responsibility and the lost of my own personal alone time and space, along with time spent out of the house. I really value my alone personal time and space as an introvert, and miss going out with friends to study or eat (Missed our weekly study session).

I think I and my dad rushed getting a kitten, as this huge responsibility was something I was not as prepared as I thought. I love my kitten so much but the anxiety of having him has caused me to lose my appetite, breakdown and cry (sometimes when I look at him I breakdown) and lose sleep.

I don't know what to do! I really want to keep him as I love him so much, he is a great companion, very affectionate and when I look at him I have the thought "I don't want to lose him". But I don't have as much time as I thought for him. Owning him has caused a lot of mental health instability and unsureness, and I am very busy with university, part time work and hanging out with friends, and my family are busy with their life as well.

Any advice as to what I should? Should I keep him or try selling him/ give him up?

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Nessa,

Im sorry to hear this turned out to be a stressful time rather than a happy time.

Ive probably joined this conversation a little late as it seems you have come to a decision already, but you should take a little bit of pride from knowing you tried. It was something you wanted to do for a long time, so good on you for giving it a go.

it may not be of help now, but cats do fine on their own. They sleep for a crazy amount of time (like 20hrs a day) so once they pass the crazy kitten time you will discover they are (mostly) very chill. For future reference, cats like routine, so if you will be out most days, just make sure you have set times for feeding & some play. A good idea is play before dinner, then let them eat, then the cat will generally want to clean & sleep 🤣

Another thought, if you ever decide down the track to try again, you could always adopt a senior cat. They will tend to sleep even more so won’t be so reliant on you being around all the time.
Just because you weren’t ready this time, doesn’t mean you won’t be ready down the track to try again with another pet.

Another tip that might make getting a pet a little less stressful would be just reading up on the different types of breeds & their personalities as well as general information on cat care.

I often watch a show in Foxtel called “My Cat From Hell” & it’s all about people who have probably adjusting to their cat, or the cat adjusting to them. So this guy called Jackson Galaxy comes in & teaches them how to care for the cat & what to do/not do, I’ve picked up a lot from that show.

ooo, just had another thought. If owning a pet is not something you can fit into life right now, what about volunteering at a local pound or dog/cat rescue? Quite a few places rely on volunteers to help clean, feed or exercise the animals. My friend used to walk the dogs at her local pound once a week which I always thought sounded quite fun.

Best of luck with your decision with the kitty. Don’t feel bad if you do say goodbye. Giving the kitty back to the previous owner is the best thing to do in such a situation & im sure a kitten will find a new home very quickly.

im not an expert in any way, I just love animals so am happy to share my knowledge with you if you ever have questions.

lve had dogs, cats, rabbits, mice, a rat & fish over my time & they all have their own unique qualities.

[geoff]

Hello Nessa, I understand the commitment while you are struggling but there could be a possibility of getting the cat back when it's fully grown and feel comfortable looking after it and it doesn't mean you can't go and visit it, it will still remember you and then have a change of heart and adopt it back.

Even though I love pets, there are still some I wouldn't get, but just get yourself well again.

Geoff.

[Guest_1643]

hi Nessa!!

i just wanted to offer u reassurance, reading ur post. i was wandering if it is possible to step back from the worry about if its better to keep or return the kitten -

i personally think it's more about the anxiety then the kitten.

Either way is fine - keeping or giving away the kitten (u can also get a kitten at another point !)

But moreso i can see ur anxiety is an issue.... i was wandering if u've heard of ACT as a therapy, because part of it is about accepting that anxiety is a huge part of life for us all - worries, doubts and negative thoughts, and learning to live with it

new experiences will always present a lot of horrible or mixed feelings - but living a life according to our values means we accept and allow the anxiety, while still working on steps to get the life we want.

if u do want an animal at some point i'm sure there are ways to do so while managing the anxiety. and defnitely cut urself some slack, it's all good either way with the kitten - u are truly trying ur best which is enough. and u cared and tried. good on u for trying with the kitten and giving it a go. That was a wonderful attempt. i've never even tried to have my own kitten.... so well done to u.

[Nessa-chan]

Thank you to everyone who has commented on my forum. This advice has reassured me in some way that even though I am giving up, I might not be ready just yet, and may need to find a older cat which will be better suited to me.

I have been recently going to therapy, and my psychologist said ACT therapy would be the best for me. I have had a few sessions but I guess I wasn't able to accept and acknowledge that is okay to feel this way. I truly do want to keep him and try longer, but my family have told me that it is not doing well for me to continue to have him and cause me so much distress, stress, anxiety, worry and emotional crying.

This was a learning experience for me, to learn not rush in making sure a big decision and that I need to first make sure I can commit to the pet (and preferably get an older one). I do hope to get one when I am a put more older in the future and when I have found my place within society. My friends and family have been super supportive with me, and trying to help me with my mental health issues.

Today, though is the day I have to give him up. I am very distraught, stressed, sad, depressed and feel worthless that I was unable to take care of him and that I am giving up so easily and quickly. I've been second-guessing myself as I love him so much and he loves me so much. I wished I could keep him, I truly do, to the point I am crying about losing him. But at the same time, the stress and intense worry of having him has caused me a lot of suffering too.

It breaks my heart to lose him, but it was just not my time. I am still quite young, and have a lot of exploration to do, along with maturing and growing. I hope to eventually get a pet that I can truly take care.

Until then, to my dear baby kitten Tuffy,

I love you very much baby, and know that I am not giving you up because you were bad. It was me that could not handle it, with my unstable mental health. I hope you will find a family that will give you so much space to run around and play with you lots. And be there for you when I couldn't. To cuddle you and give you the best bed to sleep on. You are an angel that I know will brighten up someone else's life. I am distraught and depressed to lose you, but know you will find a better family, home and parent. I will miss you so much. I will always love you my baby Tuffy.

From your mother, Nessa-chan

[JJ1981]

Or...if you do need to hand him back, you can visit him from time to time and "look after him" within each time. Maybe, it will help you adapt more slowly to the needs of a cat...you will also continue to befriend him and, quite possibly, you will be in a position ready to take him back as a more mature cat (with less "maintenance").

Just an idea anyway...I'm sure you love Tuffy very much...why let that love go?

[Nessa-chan]

Unforunately the previous owners are going to try and find him a new family, that I probably won't be able to contact or meet with. I wish I could visit him from time to time, but I don't think it will be possible. I wish to get a pet, but even now with everything in my life I don't think I could handle getting another pet.

I love Tuffy and will always have that love him. I just had to do the right thing which was give him back, in hopes of finding a family and home that actually have time and space for him. I've noticed that he is not as happy when someone from our home leaves for work or something else. And I fear that he may end up depressed or sicked while I am gone. Sometimes when you love something, you need to make the best decision for them.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Nessa-chan...

I think you done a very unselfish and beautiful thing, by giving back the little kitten....They are so cute and so easy to love even within the first few minutes...

Thanks to your beautiful soul, Tuffy will get a very loving and caring forever home....

Yes you will miss him...When you feel able to get another pet, I know they love in your heart will go into making your pet very happy.....So true Nessie, sometimes love can hurt by doing the right thing...You are a beautiful person Nessie..

My kind thoughts dear Nessie..

Grandy..

[Here2Talk]

Hi Nessa,

I identify with so much of what you have been discussing. First of all, I have suffered from GAD since around preschool age.

I have had this affliction where I get emotional attachments to.... people and animals and .... things too. Even after brief periods. I have 3 cats haha and a bird and.... as of the last couple of weeks .... a dog. The dog is the only decision I made after I was 100% sure..

In a way there was no right or wrong decision no matter what you did with the kitten, but I can relate so much with the despair you were going through. I feel the same thing about..... well everything.

This may make no sense to you; it doesn’t really to me - sometimes in some moods a flow of ideas comes to me, and sometimes it is coherent but sometimes it is not. I seemed to notice something I notice in myself by reading about your decision and despair followed by rationalisation of your decision to try and calm yourself.

Hope things are becoming okay with you.

[CourtneyJ]

Dear Nessa-chan,

I am totally having flashbacks. Below is a link that input up on this forum when I adopted a kitten a few years ago

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/post-kitten-adoption-regret---can-anyone-relate-

I haven't tried to adopt a pet again but I'm sure when my living situation changes I'll look into it again 🙂