Regret of buying a kitten- Help!

[Nessa-chan]

Hi, I'm a 21 year old GAD who is in their third and final year of university, along with a part time job and club leader.

Recently about 5 days ago, my dad bought a 10-week old ragdoll kitten for me. For the last few years I've wanted a pet and only about 3-4 weeks ago did I get permission to have a pet by my mum. I was only looking at some things to know about owning a cat and just bought a few things to see if I liked how it was in my room. The day after buying some things (that if I didn't want I would have given to a friend) my dad said he had found a kitten for our house, and later that weekend we got the kitten.

I was very excited but nervous and anxious about having one. After 1-2 days I noticed that I was feeling more anxious and down then usual, and I recently have been going to therapy for my anxiety and depression. I noticed it was linked to the worry and anxiety about owning the kitten, the responsibility and the lost of my own personal alone time and space, along with time spent out of the house. I really value my alone personal time and space as an introvert, and miss going out with friends to study or eat (Missed our weekly study session).

I think I and my dad rushed getting a kitten, as this huge responsibility was something I was not as prepared as I thought. I love my kitten so much but the anxiety of having him has caused me to lose my appetite, breakdown and cry (sometimes when I look at him I breakdown) and lose sleep.

I don't know what to do! I really want to keep him as I love him so much, he is a great companion, very affectionate and when I look at him I have the thought "I don't want to lose him". But I don't have as much time as I thought for him. Owning him has caused a lot of mental health instability and unsureness, and I am very busy with university, part time work and hanging out with friends, and my family are busy with their life as well.

Any advice as to what I should? Should I keep him or try selling him/ give him up?

[JJ1981]

Hi Nessa!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation...the choice that you have also made me want to cry too, and I'm a 40 year old male (or thereabouts).

First, I'd say: KEEP HIM!

You are feeling anxiety and depression because you are not used to the responsibilities that come with taking care of a kitten, which is not a disposable toy but a beautiful creature that needs tender love and care.

I know you are busy, but try to incorporate the kitten into your "private" time, like when you lie down. I'm sure that, over time, the cat will want to lie down with you and give you extra company. You can "invite" him over to your friendly gatherings...I'm sure people will love attention from a cat. I have been to a cat cafe in my home city to pay "rescue cats" a visit, especially one good looking and very fluffy female cat.

You can incorporate the more demanding responsibilities, such as feeding him, cleaning him, cleaning his litter into your regular routine...so that it wouldn't affect your studies, downtime, family time etc.

While you do your part time work, you can try keeping the kitten in a controlled but playful space where he won't escape, preferably with a family member of yours in case he wants "attention" of some sort.

You can also talk with your parents about your father/mother spending time with him, especially when it was your FATHER who bought him!

Keep at it. It can seem really demanding, but you will get better at it with practice and consistency. The kitten will grow into a very loyal and loving feline friend for that.

Good luck, Nessa!

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to the beyond blue forums.

Pets make good companions. And to some extent cats also look after themselves most of the time. Of course there is feeding and litter tray management. The love they give is unconditional. Time spent with a pet can be helpful as time in the now vs worrying about the future. And I have a cat as well so might be a little biased.

Our cat is an indoor cat and wife and I work. So there is time when the cat is alone. And enjoys our company in the evening and vice versa.

This might be a new experience for you? Maybe reading about cat care on the internet will help you find an answer. Is the business of your life your concern? That maybe you won't care for the cat properly or ???

On the other hand you might not be ready as you said. And how would giving up your pet make you feel?

[Nessa-chan]

Hi Smallwolf,

Thank you for the advice. I was wondering if it is alright to leave my kitten who is about 11-12 weeks old home when I am out at work, university or with friends? As this was my greatest concern about something bad occuring while I was gone.

This is definitely a new experience for me as I have never had a pet before at all. The business of my life is a concern as I am quite young right now, and I enjoy having my freedom. The main reason for my anxiety is that I won't be able to care for him and that this responsibility is too large for me to handle.

Giving him up would make me feel very sad, and depressed as I do love him very much, but it would also be a bit of relief as he is going to a better home and I gain my personal space, time and freedom back. It is very conflicting thoughts for me, as I don't know what to do.

[Nessa-chan]

Hi JJ1981,

Thanks for the advice. I am definitely feeling anxious and depressed as I have never had a pet before, and to rush and have this huge responsibility for me is a lot. I've been trying to get him use to playing and relaxing while I am home, while also use to cleaning and feeding.

My family have been very helpful in stating that they will look after him while I am out, although I worry for the day when all of us are out of the home with stuff. I am gonna try to keep him for the next week or so (so about 2 weeks with him in total), to see how it is for both of us.

[JJ1981]

Nessa, keep trying with him. It's good that you are continuing on, at least for a bit.

If all your family needs to go out, keep the kitten in a space (like a room) where he will have everything he may need whilst all of you are out (from the kitty litter to the toys...and water/milk and food, of course). It's not like your family will have a holiday without him, so you give him all those things before you go and he will...slowly...adapt to being on his own.

Also, when you come back, give him a kiss and extra big cuddle...he will thank you for it...

You will get better...hang in there...

[geoff]

Hello Nessa-chan, I go along with what those above have said, at the moment it's still a kitten, they want to be played with or you can buy toys where they entertain themselves, it's only very young and once it becomes an adult all it will want is to sleep on your bed or your lap, purring away, so content.

If you give it away, this could quite easily cause problems and that's certainly not what you want and it will adapt to your routine when you are home or when no one else is home, they have the ability to do this, like sitting on your window sill and get the warmth from the sun.

Once you came home the first thing you'll want to do is find the cat and give it a cuddle, you will eventually love it and have many years enjoying its own little idiosyncrasies.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Nessa-chan]

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for the advice, I wanted to know the problems that could occur with giving him back to the previous owner? As I know that my mental health will suffer a bit, it will also bring some relief and rest.

I've noticed that he prefers for someone else to be in the same room as him (Specifically me), and that he will follow them. So I am worried when no one is home and what he may do. I was thinking of leaving him in just my room, but I worry it might be too small for him.

I've been discussing with my family about all the factors, and sadly were leaning towards returning him back to his previous owner. I love him very much, but with our busy family lifestyle, my unstable mental health, loss of sleep and appetite, anxiety, worry and stress, and the fact that with having him I don't have as my opportunities that I wish to explore while young. It might be best to give him back while he is young.

He is absolutely amazing, affectionate, sweet and cute, but I think I was just not ready for this major responsibility and rushed things.

[Nessa-chan]

Yesterday, after talking with my mum, she told dad (Who was at work at the time) about my stress, anxiety and how it might be best to return the kitten. My dad came home later that night from work, and told me the previous owner was saddened by the news but was more than happy to accept the return of him and asked if the kitten wanted to be picked up tomorrow. Of course, I wanted to spend more time with him to see if I would eventually get better, but my family recommended me to return him this week, as for them they have never seen me in such a bad emotional state before, and believed it would be better to have my freedom then be tied down and depressed.

I love him so much and I really want to keep him, but the responsible decision after talking with others is that I return him back to the previous owner so that he can find a better home that have people who can take care of him and be home with him. As my family's lifestyle is very busy and out-and-about. This breaks my heart ever time I think of returning him, to the point I am crying but I need to accept that I was not ready for a pet. Especially during a busy and vulnerable time for me.

Tomorrow (Friday) I am unforunately giving him back to his previous owner, in hopes that he can find a better home that have the time, space and energy for him. This has lead to a lot of mental grief and angst for me but I need to understand that it was not my time and I need to be more kind to myself. As I put a large expectation and responsibility onto me, believing that I could do it and everything will be "perfect".

I feel defeated, depressed and a lot of grief at this moment, as I truly want to keep him but I can't. I feel very guilty and a failure for giving him up. I just am so unsure of myself, to the point I don't know anymore.

[smallwolf]

Not a failure at all. Perhaps replace that statement with

I wish I could have a cat and I am not ready yet

View this as an opportunity to learn from ... for next time?