Prisoner in my own body

[Hopefull_]

Hey 

First of all let me introduce myself, my name is James and I guess i've hit rock bottom, it's why I'm here *I don't mean to sound all dramatic* But I have been suffering with anxiety and depression for over 30 years, depression on and off but anxiety is pretty much constant. Lately I have become very depressed, at lot more than usual and I can't seem to get motivated to do the things that I used to enjoy, even with the anxiety I did things like art, cooking, gardening, I used to keep my place immaculate as it helped with my anxiety, it was my constant, very important to me but now I've let it go. It feels like I'm losing myself as if Im being swallowed up by some terrible void. 

The reason I say I'm a prisoner I'm my own body is because I feel I'm not capable of getting back to a place that wasn't perfect but *doable* I feel very lost in this void, even around family, I feel as if i'm drifting away a little more every day and it hurts like hell. so, I guess I'm not typing I'm yelling in the hope that someone will hear me.

Enough for now.

James. 

[CMF]

I need to amend something I said earlier I said

"we may miss something good because of the 'wrong' choice but it will lead us to something else"

this is not right, we don't know if it would have been something good, we 'think' it would have been better but maybe not.  the choice we made that was 'wrong' is not necessarily so because it continues our path in a direction that leads to something else...for a reason.

I will have to elaborate later as I'm being a hog with so many posts.

[Jacko777]

Thanks James, I am doing well. I guess it makes sense that if you have a 'gift' and you are not utilising it, there may be a feeling of dissatisfaction. You have already had realisations of the ego in a short time, who knows what is possible. I would look for a spiritual healer nearby, I would speak to them before booking. 

Do you remember what books your Doc suggested? Are you drawn towards anything that will help you make the next step? 

My interest in my own spiritual journey was to find the truth. If I am connected to a spiritual energy or a God, then the connection to it must be within me, I went looking, through meditation and research.

[Hopefull_]

Hey CMF

Just read through your post's WOW seems you were spot on with everything, it really gets you thinking about things, I've had premonitions that have played out exactly as I saw them but I will go into those later on this arvo, I have to family get together today,been practising my happy face in the mirror 🙂

Don't think your hogging the thread I find you post's interesting.

Have an awesome day.

James.

[Hopefull_]

Hey Jacko

Well I would like it if I was * A Healer * like she said, if there is a chance that what she told me was possible I would love to follow up on that because nothing would make me happier than helping people. I haven't thought about for a while, it was a few years ago that I was seeing this psychologist, but since I've been talking about it I feel a kind of spark has been ignited in me. I getting all the right signs that  I need to pursue this further. I don't know exactly what she meant by *healer* I don't think I'll be curing chronic health problems any time soon, I now wish I had asked her to elaborate, she did elaborate on some things but like I said to CMF I have a family function on today so I'll get back later this arvo.

Sorry I can't remember the names of the books she suggested, I remember her name, maybe I could call her, I think she will remember me. You know the first thing she said to me when we meet was " I been waiting for you to walk through that door, I knew you were coming" I told her sure you did I mad an appointment 🙂 she said no no I've known for a while. True story.

Hope you have a great day.

James.

[Jacko777]

G'day James,

I am very excited for you. It is obvious that you are a very caring person and if your healing abilities only amount to giving unconditional love to those in need then surely that would be tremendous. And you have found your greatest passion, helping people. There are so many ways you can do this, as you can imagine, and I think you will be drawn to where you are most needed. People right here on this site will benefit from your ability to care.

Nurture the spark that you have re-ignited, the divine spark that is true love, the force of energy that drives us, you will help many and there is no greater cause. Many of our brothers and sisters are hurting...they need you.  

[CMF]

Hey,

Yes I have another to tell that plagued me for years but i would love to hear about your premonitions too.  As far as being a healer its not about curing chronic illness its about spiritual healing. Google "being a healer". I totally agree with jacko777 and the fact that a spark has ignited well...:-). I was typing another post re your work but my little one turned off the computer on me.

What work do you do? Do you think the hours you work may contribute to how you feel? When youre free others are at work, when you finish work its too late to do things. when I used to work these sorts of hours I wanted to do things before work but was never relaxed as I knew I had to get ready and go to work  I was not motivated because I was starting around lunchtime (I'm a morning person). It threw me right out.

back to premonitions I follow my instinct a lot now even if it means disagreeing with people. if I don't do this I get very anxious and later depressed.

Yeah, I think you should definitely look into...at your pace. don't overwhelm yourself.

Have a great day. can't wait to hear your premonitions.

CMF

[CMF]

sorry, have to correct myself again, yes you may cure chronic illness, sometimes I type before I think properly.

I found this for you as an example;

A common example of Spiritual Healing would be Chakra Balancing. When a Chakra becomes stressed or blocked this can have a negative effect on the organs in that region of the body and can also contribute to negative emotional states, such as depression or anxiety. Reiki, Pranic Healing and Polarity Therapy, are some of the forms of Spiritual Healing, which address chakra health. Clairvoyant Healers, use their sensitivity to view clients' Chakras and if they are blocked, can channel Energy and Light through them until they are cleared. Energy blockages anywhere in a person's body can be treated in similar ways and the results are usually uplifting and immediate.

Maybe you can start looking into this while you sit in the sun before work 🙂

You've also mentioned you like art, so you're creative, do you get to exercise your mind at work?

CMF

[CMF]

Well I'm on a real downer but I've been thinking about what the Asian psychologist said and I'm sure she's right, that you have something. She must be in tune with these things herself I really don't see why anyone would come out with these specific comments randomly. 

You didn't take a wrong turn though, it just wasn't the right time for you to explore this part of you. I keep thinking I took a wrong turn when I remember being accused of cheating, but even though our relationship is stuffed and I suffered torment for a couple of years we have a gorgeous daughter and I KNOW that this is exactly where I am meant to be now. I am in exactly the right place just had to go through a lot of crap to get here. 

How was the family function anyway? Hope you're feeling better. 

Cmf

[Hopefull_]

Hey CMF

I hope you're feeling better today. My family get together was ok, I felt really drained, I often feel drained when I with big groups of people, I need to have a bit of time out every two hours or so to myself to recharge but it was good to see everyone. 

I'm sure this happens to a lot of people who suffer from anxiety, the anxiety makes me feel alone when it's bad and being in a group can make me feel even more alone so it's hard. 

If we stick with the theme of wrong or right turns I feel as if I'm at a fork in the road and  I'm stuck, I think the way I need to look at this situation is to just choose one path and if it's wrong one it will soon become apparent  and then I could just do something else. 

You're right though,  something quite often comes out of something bad.

James.

[CMF]

Hi James,

I totally understand needing the time out and feeling alone when in a group. Anxiety is very draining. Do your family know how youre feeling or do you cover it up like I do? Did you get to see your kids yesterday?

yes, lets stick to a theme, sorry if I was overloading you again its the Gemini in me, looking into 10,000 different things at once 🙂

Ok so you've been travelling along your path and now you've reached the fork in the road as we do.  Are you stuck as in you have no idea what to do next  or do you know or have an idea what your choices are or may be?

I ask this because if you are aware of your choices then you need to look at the pros and cons. I'm in limbo, I know what I'm in limbo about but I cant make the choices.

Having anxiety/depression makes it all the more difficult to think it through, its just a fog.

Hey are you a pisces by any chance?

Look forward to hearing back and hope you have a better day.

CMF