Owning my anxiety.....

[Heron]

Heya

I have been surviving my own self pity for a while now. I'm closer to forty than I am thirty, and have been on a roller coaster of self help, counselors and life lessons. It has only been in the last year that I have officially been treated for anxiety. I'm an angry little camper at the moment and have a life time of explaining to do to the people closest to me. I'm ready to own this part of myself that has frustrated me for so long. Angry, angry, angry at my parents. .... That's another chapter. They are not what I need in my life right now, as their behavior is so dysfunctional it makes me crazy. They are still so determined to play happy families. ... I play along for the sake of my young child. 

I'm lonely and tired of pretending that "everything is awesome". Where do I start? Slightly overwhelmed!!!

Comments welcome

[dougall]

Hi Heron thank you for the love and light, the sun is just coming up and the light is pink.  My day has started with a smile so hopefully yours will too.

[dougall]

Hi Heron hope you are well and having a good day.

[geoff]

dear Heron, thanks for your comment.

There is always a question 'why do people get angry', and there could be many reasons why, we disagree with what's been said, or a comment has been aimed at in a disparity way, or a way to offend us and the list goes on, but it's also the only way for those people to finally take note of what we have to say, otherwise it maybe ignored.

Being dominated for any reason by our parents is not a way for the child or children to expand their thinking, what it does is suppress our maturity, because we are never allowed to express our thoughts and when we do we could be punished either verbally or our privileges taken away from us which then makes us anger.

So their control over us would normally make them not believe in any type of depression that we may have, so we feel as though we are left on our own with no support, and if they continually call around to see us, it can be a real 'pain in the neck'.

So you have to set the rules, which they may not like, so what, they have to understand that that's what you want now, their days of domination are now over. Geoff.

[Jo3]

Hi Heron

Geoff has written a great post back to you.  And I tend to agree with everything Geoff has said.  I can relate so much of what Geoff is saying to my own situation with my parents when I was a child and even now.

We are adults now Heron, so we can make our own decisions for what WE WANT not them anymore.  

It's time you enjoy your life for how you want it to be and not your parents.

Pls take care, I fully understand how hard this is for you.

Jo

[ALL]

Hi Heron

Im going to start of by saying im young, so i dont have much experience but i can offer you what i know ( i hope it helps)

i have been having parent problems too, might be for the same or might be for a different reason. either way mine too play happy families and in my case ignore my anxiety. they are 'too busy for it'

i have found with this that people can be stubborn, and sometimes they arent going to understand. while you can always keep trying, they may neveer understand. so in that case, you have to keep going about things you way, keep talking, whether they listen or not. at least you are putting things out there and hopefully eventually they might 'get it'.

its also important that you take time for yourself!

in regards to being overwhelmed thats harder. its different for each person. when im overwhelemed all i can do is take time out. ffor you that might not be an option. 

little things often help me calm down, even if i am still worried im not overwhelmed. it sounds weird, but i have thjis lip balm that instantly calms me down- dont know why it does. maybe try and fine your 'little relaxer'. ( not much help i know). Another numbing quick fix is a good cry, but quick fixes are what they are- short term.

i think that with you situation, it might be best to just try and choose one thing to focus on. push everything else aside and have a 'worry time' ( easier said than done).

either that or sit down, break everything down into little goals and tick them off when you have acieved it. the sense of self satisifaction is the best feeling. it might be things like 1- talk to my parents about... 2- if that doesnt work do...

again im sorry, im young and not very helpful. im overwhelmed at the moment too. i guess with anxiety overwhelming feelings are hard to control. just make sure you enjoy the good days, take in how they feel. the more you pay attention to them, the more the idea of 'bad days' will decrease and the better you will feel

i hope things are working out for you. Have a good day 

ALL

[NicoleP]

Hi ALL

You don't need to apologise for being young - your experiences and thoughts are valuable and we all appreciate you input. 

Kezza

[Heron]

Hi All

You should be very proud of your insights and empathy for others. Age is irrelevant and I really appreciate your comments.

Baby steps for this situation with my parents and family.  

Love and light to you

Heron

[Heron]

 Hi Geoff

Thank you so much for your comments.

geoff said:

So their control over us would normally make them not believe in any type of depression that we may have, so we feel as though we are left on our own with no support, and if they continually call around to see us, it can be a real 'pain in the neck'.

So you have to set the rules, which they may not like, so what, they have to understand that that's what you want now, their days of domination are now over. Geoff.

 ... It's spot on. My "nature" doesn't fit into their ideal world. .... In saying that, Its not helpful to presume this is how they see me. It is only how it makes me feel. Communicating this to them is awkward. Finding the right words don't come easy. 

Love and light

Heron

[ALL]

Thanks Heron and Kezza

it means a lot to know that i can aleast support others in a similar situation. i hope things work out. keep me posted!

ALL