Overwhelmed ... studying after a while and dealing with life ...aaahhhhh!!!!

[pinkflower95]

My therapist has recommended I undertake study in a course that more suits 'me' in order to help me find what I enjoy, find my 'dream job'' (if that even exists?!) and 'make me come alive' ... in hopes to also bring me out of a depressive state and hopefully my quarter life crisis. The course I have chosen and enrolled into is a Diploma of Design (which gives me the option to study subjects in Graphic Design, Fashion, Interior and Game Design) my passion (I think) is Graphic, Fashion and maybe Interior, however I am one of those indecisive people and can never seem to pick something and I like to have variety (even in my job too), so hence why this course appealed to me. The things I am struggling with is self doubt, pessimism, lack of confidence and feeling like I am wasting my time with studying this course as it is in industry that doesn't have a lot of stability, which is something I have always wanted so hence why I chose another path when finishing school. I know my parents have steered me away from this area as 'where would that lead??', ''whats wrong with where you work now?'' ''why can't you just be happy so that way people can see that you are happy in life and approach you to date'', ''change your attitude'', ''be grateful'' ,''pray about it - what does God say?'' etc.  I am feeling overwhelmed as I haven't studied since 2017 and also a brief attempt at uni which I pulled out of early on due to, well similar reasons and finding it too hard (Diploma of Business. I work in Admin & Customer Service for the past 10+ years), so this time I feel more pressure to make this work and I want to push through my mindset issues and see if this might lead somewhere. I have fallen rusty on time management skills in the last few years also and can't even keep my room clean like I used to, get up early enough to style my hair and put on makeup. This is due to my bad habit of being on my phone too much, I could achieve so much if I wasn't on my damn phone!! however I also use it to set reminders, timers,etc to help me stay organised too it is a double edged sword.

I also find myself getting distracted easily and am not a fan of reading, I never was in school either. When I read and I lose focus and forget what I was reading, my eyes dry up and/ or I fall asleep, so that is another worry I have as well. Trying to stay disciplined and positive to persevere through it all!

My course to due to start in a month and its online and I am getting increasingly overwhelmed and feel like I want to tap out, but I don't know how to push through. Breathing techniques I haven't found to be helpful, they seem to make my thoughts louder and I feel like it is all too much. Almost like I need to get everything right before I can proceed to the next task. I find myself asking what is wrong with me? Why can't I do even a simple task??

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is several points I'd like to talk about here.

• Your choices.  With great respect to your parents, this is your choice for your future and although they cannot seem to understand why you cant just stay in a common job, they are not you. Eg I've had 90 or so jobs and 15 professions from Airforce to Private investigator and everything in between like dog ranger etc. My mother couldnt understand it. Decades later I was found to have bipolar and high functioning under the autism spectrum- thats why! along with anxiety and depression. Unless your parent have similar they are not going to understand.
• The question "where will the qualification lead to"? is an apt one as there is little point in doing a course that has limited opportunities. Like being a wool classifier in the city where sheep doing graze. This should be investigated.
• Consider short courses. Depression etc can seriously have an effect on long term commitments. Short courses allow you to reset and obtain a certificate then move on to another one.
• Considering your depression ther eare jobs say, in a paint shop, curtain shop etc that you'll get some satisfaction with that your course or a different short course would suit and that could lead to semi management.
• Some people dont ever find their dream job. Of all my jobs I kept trying different ones in the security industry- I didnt realise early on that working alone suited me, mixing with others was traumatic so eventually the PI job was pursued. I made my own decisions in the middle of the bush, challenged myself for quality work and built up a reputation. I remained in the job in my own business for 18 years. 

I dont think I can assist you any further but reply if you'd like to talk further.

"it isnt a crime to be indecisive, but a minor personal breach to blame yourself..."

TonyWK

[pinkflower95]

Hi Tony WK,

Thank you for your reply and for your time to respond.

I must mention (and I probably should've made my post a bit clearer) that I have never been the type to ''up and quit" a job, I have only ever quit one job in my life and that was one I was at for over 5 years and I quit because management were not delivering on their promises when they said they would make the changes, I spoke with them multiple times over the course 18 months to 2 years about this and still nothing, I got fed up and that is when I resigned. The rest were traineeships and contract positions where unfortunately funding was not sufficient to keep me on, and yes I applied for jobs that weren't contracted/ temp as well, they were/are hard to obtain! I will be turning 29 this year and I have been working since 18 (16 if you count a job I had in the school holidays in a retail store) I have only been out of work twice in my life and in those periods of unemployment it spanned about 6-7 months duration. I am the type that likes to keep busy and have stability. I also chose to work in customer service/ admin(which I still work in this industry to this day) when 18 to help with my shyness & confidence, etc. There have also been periods where I have worked 2 -3 jobs at a time to help give me the variety I wanted where I /wasn't/ haven't been able to find a job that provides me with it yet) I don't mind the people interaction and it breaks up the monotony, however I also enjoy my alone time too! I have also always wanted to buy my own place (however this goal is slowly disappearing with the way things are going in this economy and crisis!!)

I have been on the fence for quite some time about doing a course (in this area particularly) as I have been worried about not being able to find a job (I live in a regional town, I am open to move if needed). People that have known me tell me (including my therapist), "no, you don't like admin/ business" you are miserable" ""you should be doing xyz..., you always talk about fashion, design, why don't you do that?, you always dress nice and are creative why aren't you working in that field?? " let your mind run away and don't let your self limiting beliefs get to you"" as well as the usual constant of "what does your dream job look like?" which I have told them multiple times, that I simply don't know yet, I have to keep trying things, and that I may never find it, all I know is that I like having variety and of course others things but I won't mention now as I will get carried away. I feel like something I am doing isn't working so perhaps I should finally take their advice and just do it and see where it leads, rather than listen to what I want which is/ has been clouded by anxiety, fear of failure, pessimism, lack of confidence, lack of experience. (I say to myself sometimes, 'shut up, what would you know!')

I know I have anxiety issues and I know when I was completing my studies and when I tried uni, I had a lot of anxiety trying to complete the course, even when I sought out support from multiple sources (lecturer, peer support team, counselling team, I even dropped to one subject at a time to try make it manageable) I also seem to learn better when its practical rather than mounts of reading.

[white knight]

Some people can't read for long, their focus isn't there. Having a little ADHD or other hidden illness can cause that, fragments of mental illness can exist never to be discovered. Regardless,  you are you so push ahead. 

Fashion. I've always had an interest in being a tailor. I know it's on a low scale but if you can obtain a sewing machine and design and make fancy clothes that could determine if you'd like that field.

When people comment on your decisions, it is then up to you to discard/accept it. You could be placing too much emphasis on their advice. Those that sense you are indecisive will often interpret that as a green light to be more enforceful in their approach. I get it too and often will say "you've mentioned that suggestion 3 times- why"?

So boundaries with peoples pressure can relieve that feeling.

Those with any mental health issues can over commit to a business,  a course especially if it is a long course. Their enthusiasm wanes and before you know it you have lost the momentum that stable calm people find easy to maintain. 

So ask yourself "what can satisfy me in terms of achievement "? I ask this because it can change. For some academic challenges can fall by the wayside when having kids or if a partner wants to buy a business. For some (maybe not you) that vacuum of not achieving is filled with travel. At 29yo hanging onto an unsure decision to do a course to seek your dream job might just not be achievable   in that case a change in direction, altering what "achievement " means can be thought out .ore.

Eg a friend of mine couldn't afford to buy a house, years if saving became fruitless.  So he bought a run down house in a semi outback town, renovated it and sold for a profit. Through that experience he purchased one closer to home and discovered interior design was his "flare".

Google- beyondblue anxiety,  how I eliminated it 

TonyWK

[pinkflower95]

It's interesting you mention that part about placing too much emphasis on what others say and it reminds me of past friends and even current friends or people I have met, that say stuff to me like that (including my therapist unfortunately) which reminds me of other underlying issues and insecurities (lack of confidence, self esteem, not recognising when people are overstepping my boundaries, what my boundaries are, etc and it almost makes me what to withdraw myself from people even more which I know isn't healthy, but I also feel ashamed of myself for still being way and what can't I get better at this already even when I try to read books and seek therapy about it. It's always, don't be too hard on yourself, etc. Like how???

[white knight]

Too high expectations isn't healthy either eg when I was 16yo I wanted to join the AirForce. At recruitment they offered me jobs on aircraft like mechanic and airframe. I went home, told mother and "my son isn't going to be a grease monkey". So I tried for radio technician that pleased her , I was accepted but failed within 2 months of the course. I ended up a librarian far away from aircraft that I loved.

So, what makes people try to dominate or over advise you? Your persona likely invites it, you'd be unaware of course but low self esteem invites it. 

It's a long road to confidence. 

Google: beyondblue the best praise you'll ever get

TonyWK