Overthinking and Highly sensitive

[BballJ]

Hi all,

Some of you may know me from the forums, I haven’t been on for quite some time. Quick background is that I suffer from anxiety and depression. Self confidence is a major thing I am working on at the moment.

one question I wanted to raise to the forum was about overthinking and being highly sensitive. I am a chronic overthinker which I know is attached to my anxiety. I have the tendency to always think the worst in situations but mainly it comes down to my partner.

Problem is every single thing she does that I deem “out of the ordinary” to be wrong, I am constantly questioning her on it which she has bought to my attention is starting to annoy her. If she doesn’t reply to my messages in time, I think the worst and think she is angry at me (classic anxiety move) until she responds to then I question why she took so long to reply even though I know the answer, I for some reason need the clarity. Another example would be if she simply had a tone that wasn’t happy, I would ask what’s wrong over and over again, she would be fine but it’s like I need to know if it’s something I’ve done wrong or something wrong in her life. It’s this silly constant need for reassurance. I’ve never been like this in a relationship before. I am not a big person for change and when things change in my world I cannot handle it. I know my partner hasn’t done anything wrong but my need to constantly question her is starting to annoy her and definitely annoying me.

another thing is, she will happily stay home and watch a movie where as, I cannot do that and would rather be messaging or talking to her, so when she can do that and I cannot, I sit there and question why am I so dependant on her. She doesn’t deserve that pressure, no one does. We talk morning, lunch and after work then after she gets into bed usually each night.

I understand this is a problem and it’s why I am seeking help from anyone who has been in a similar situation before and how they have been helped?

thanks in advance, J

[Pishypie]

Hey J,

everything you outlined you’re doing is something i’ve Done before so I totally feel you. I always assume my friends are angry at me when they don’t reply and I always annoy them by asking if i’ve Done something.

One strategy that helps me most is keeping a diary of every time I worry that i’ve Done something wrong. A couple of days later, when it’s all okay and i’ve Managed to NOT say anything to my friends and ask them if they’re ok and if i’ve Done something, I put a cross next to my worry. Every single ‘worry’ i’ve Recorded has a cross next to it. It’s all the anxiety and worry talking. Keep a journal, track it and notice your thinking traps

[KCred]

Hi

I can relate to you and your situation as I suffer from the same type of overthinking Today as I’m struggling with anxiety from the result of similar situations within my marriage. I’ve been married for ten years and have a wonderful husband and children. Yet I constantly question his love of me and whether I am worthy of it. I am always seeking the reassurance that you mentioned and questioning everything he does that doesn’t involve me and unfortunately after 13 yrs it’s starting to take its toll on my husband and my children. You are right that no one deserves that pressure.

The struggle is real and most days I handle it by doing things that make me happy, I’d also rather be talking that just sitting in silence together in front of tv but I’ve learnt to calm my thoughts and direct them to other things so my husband can also enjoy his time without my constant interaction with him. ive started watching a series on Netflix just for me and I watch it anytime I need to stop my mind from going crazy or I put my headphones in and listen to music , it’s the white noise that distracts and helps manage my obsessive thoughts and lack of being comfortable by myself

I am hoping just letting you know that you’re not alone with these feelings is helpful and I am always willing to offer anything else I can.

Keep strong, you are enough 😀

[quirkywords]

Bballj,

It is good to see your name but sorry you feel this way. I too am an overthinker and am highly sensitive.

My partner gets mad because I ask him at least once day if he is mad at me or are we ok. He said that annoys him that I ask so much. I am trying not to ask him as much. I know I am insecure.

Like pishypie I write everything down before I start asking my partner questions . Sometimes just writing it down makes me see how annoying it would be to ask my partner.

Sometimes if I can make fun of what I am doing so it takes away the seriousness I have given it.

The constant asking is something wrong I find is because I don't like it when my partner is mad with me. When he is mad I am clueless as to what I did wrong so I used to be extra vigilant as the people pleaser in me really wants to make everyone happy. I am trying to realise we all do things that annoy our partners.

Thanks for this thread as I am always looking for a strategy for my tool kit.

Quirky