OCD Intrusive thoughts and Meds

[JoyB]

Hi everyone. Since I was around 12 I started to have anxiety/ panic disorder and OCD symptoms and have been on medication since I was 15. All my anxiety pretty much went away between ages 17 and 20 ( with help from meds and CBT).

The last year however I tried going off my meds, thinking I had outgrown my anxiety. I went well for a few months until a horrible movie triggered intrusive thoughts similar to what I used to have. The most obsessive and intense thoughts are mostly to do with hurting myself and or going crazy. I know they these are just thoughts which I don't want to actually happen. But the hardest things part is the way my OCD makes me doubt everything. Anything I try to think to reassure myself or what a family member says, my mind wants always has doubts even though these doubts aren't rational nor make any sense

I went back on meds in July however my new psychologist recommended another medication.  Since then things have improved such as the panic attacks and intensity of thoughts. However mostly at night I still get some thoughts which scare me meoderetly and make me doubt everything. The scariest thought is that there's no escaping any of it and this makes it very hard for me to be happy and look forward to things. This is devastating for me as I love Christmas time and I'm usually so happy during it.

if anyone has any suggestions and or just can relate to this that would be great. I hate feeling like I'm the only one going through this. Yeah

[Hylo46]

Hi Mark,

I understand where you're coming from, especially with the inability to look forward to things like Christmas because the thoughts are so gripping. I guess, you need to take some confidence in the fact that you overcame it once before and you will again. I know it's hard to see right now.

I just went back on my meds because I couldn't handle my intrusive thoughts about past things etc... and I built the meds up to such a huge thing, I read side effects of SSRI and can't get out of my head that they are going to make me act on my intrusive thoughts, lose control in a away... the guilt that comes along with this is unbearable!

I hope you can put your thoughts aside and enjoy the Christmas period. Just remember, you found peace once, you will find it again!

[MsPurple]

Hi JoyB. Intrusive thoughts are the worst aren't they?! I didn't know what they were until I was 23. I went to headspace and talked to my mental health nurse about my thoughts and fears and he finally told me what it was, intrusive thoughts. For me this is one of the worst parts of an anxiety disorder. It is scary to have unwanted thoughts about self harm amongst other things. I can relate to you as even thought I am relatively well (unfortunately my GAD is like the beach, sometimes it's smooth and some days it is rough with lots of waves) I still get some intrusive thoughts. They are a lot more manageable and come less often but they do still affect me. Even remembering those days (without having active intrusive thoughts but memories of past ones) can make me feel terrible.

Me and Hylo know how it feels and how terrible it is. We are all here to support each other in the BB forums. I know how intrusive thoughts can take up your whole day and your whole train of thought. I hope you can still be excited for xmas, I know it is hard. I try remember all the good things about christmas. Even little things like my family, the happy family movies, the weather etc. Just little things. I can't always put them together if my brain is struggling for mind space (so to speak) but thinking of one of these things helps.

I also know the struggle of medications and finding the right one. My psych changed my medication mid way through this year too. I was on an SSRI and they changed me to an SNRI (they almost put me on a different SSRI but they decided against it, I just let them chose what was best for me as they know my history). I put my trust in the dr (if I couldn't trust them I would find a different one as I needed one I could connect to) and I have found that has helped.

Hope you feeling not alone helps. You can always call the helpline or chat online to the counsellors in the tabs at the bottom left of this page. Or you can keep chatting on the BB forums. We are all lovely people on here. Just like you trying to help each other out 🙂

[Zeal]

Hi Joy,

Welcome to the forum!

OCD is frustrating. I was diagnosed with OCD at 13 by a psychiatrist. I was on a cocktail of meds until the age of 16. I then went medication free until I was 19, when I developed an atypical eating disorder that fed into the OCD. I have now been on an SSRI for four years, from age 19-23.

I'm glad that your mental health symptoms were under control for several years. That's awesome. CBT combined with the right medication can be really effective. I did CBT twice as a teenager, though I wasn't fully committed to the program. I would avoid the exposure and response tasks. My OCD obsessions are germs and illness, and my main compulsion is hand washing. I'm glad you have been able to commit to CBT and see a genuine change in your symptoms.

It's unfortunate that going off your meds was unhelpful, due to being triggered by a horrid movie. I'm assuming you gradually weaned off your medication dose under the direction of your doctor? You seem quite switched-on when it comes to your mental health, but it never hurts to ask! You have insight into your OCD, which is great. However, as you say, it hasn't been enough to outsmart the intense intrusive thoughts. I am very glad your panic attacks and intense thoughts have improved somewhat since the introduction of this new medication. Talk to your doctor about the trouble you have with the thoughts at night though, if you haven't yet.

If you don't mind me asking, do you live with someone else/others? When it comes to mental illness, living alone can be tough. It's important that at least one loved one knows about what you're going through. Even though they won't be able to fully understand everything, it may still help you to feel less alone. There are lots of stories on this forum from people with OCD, so looking at these is a good idea.

Here are some resources/links I recommend saving for future reference:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=44 (panic attacks)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46 (anxiety)

http://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/

Keep seeing your doctor. You seem proactive in getting yourself help, which is great!

Best wishes,

Zeal