OCD and Intrusive Thoughts

[OCD_Me]

Hi All ~ this is my 1st post *eek* 

So, my background is... As a small child I used to repeat sayings over and over in my head to make sure 'bad things' didn't happen, they would always have to be repeated a certain number of times etc etc. I had on and off periods of anxiety over the coming years and was finally diagnosed 17 years ago, at the age of 20 with OCD and GAD, this was after being house bound for around 3 months with debilitating panic attacks. I was prescribed a medication that got me out and about and back to 'normal'. I still take this today.

Over the past 17 years I have functioned quite well and the majority of people would see me as a well adjusted, happy, carefree woman (if they only knew!). Anxiety and OCD have always been there just bubbling away under the surface.

6 months ago after being under some stress I started having palpitations and a handful of panic attacks. I haven't really been myself since then. I have a great GP who has referred my to a psychologist, but I can't see her for another fortnight. And also a psychiatrist to confirm the original diagnosis from 17 years ago to make sure we are undertaking the right treatment. 

I can cope ok with the anxiety and no longer truly fear panic attacks which seems to keep them at bay. What I truly struggle with and it breaks my heart, are the intrusive thoughts. They are violent and are directed toward the person that means the most to me, my son. Logically I understand all about intrusive thoughts... I understand that they are automatic, that they mean nothing, that anxiety picks on the ones we love the most etc. But they still hurt and frighten me so much. 

I know that I should just ignore them and let them be, but being a true Obsessive that little thought is always in the background saying 'What if" 

What if you are truly capable of this.

What if you snap and lose your mind.

What if, what if, what if.

It's at the point where I don't feel comfortable being too close to my son even though I know that's exactly what I should be doing to let my mind know that I have no fear of these annoying, upsetting thoughts. 

Thanks for letting me share my story and vent my worries

[geoff]

dear Etta, thanks I will reply later on as I have to go now, but this will put in back onto page 1. l Geoff. x

[Etta]

Hi Geoff hope your ok I'm please be safe god bless 

[Satya]

Hi adele,

I have been experiencing the same issue as you since 10 years, I was very smart and intelligent kid before that but ever since this violent thoughts started intruding into my mind, I hardly can think properly. Was there any improvement in you after being booked into anxiety clinic?

[geoff]

dear Etta, I am so sorry I haven't replied back to you and I feel guilty, but sometimes I forget ( head injury) and then your post plus others that I say I would get back to are pushed onto page 2 then 3 so then it's lost, so I'm really that Satya has revived your post.

I also hope that you haven't left us.

My OCD started when I was about 6 years old, where my twin brother doesn't have it.

I know that this illness is related to anxiety, but it's interesting on why or how we start doing these habits and rituals, perhaps we do it rather than praying, which I still did at that age, but not now, but then I still have OCD.

I realise that it's an illness, but curious on why my twin hasn't got it, however I am really pleased that he hasn't, nor has he had depression, and again I am so happy that he hasn't, because I wouldn't want him to have to go through years of feeling the way or anyone did.

Over the years my OCD  habits has changed, because now things that I did back years ago I don't now, but they have been replaced by another one.

If you try and talk to someone who doesn't have OCD they look at you as if you were born in a tree, they don't understand and can never believe why we do these habits.

Unfortunately one of my son's has it, and if I'm with him he says to me 'sorry dad but I have to do it', but I hoping so much that his two young babies doesn't have it.

Can I say to Satya is that we do have violent thoughts or to want to hurt someone we love, and this happened with me about my Mum, who I loved dearly, but they never went through. Geoff.

[Etta]

Hi Geoff I'm glad to hear your ok that's great I was worried there for a while. Satya I just wanna say I've been battling violent thoughts for 10 years now as well and though it's hard you can get help you need to find a doctor that understands and is willing to help you weather it be through medication or psychological help. I thought I could never get better but I did and there's help out there for you to. take care. Etta

[aryastark]

Hi everybody. Like all of you, I have also been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety and Depression. Like you, I've also been battling my fair share of intrusive thoughts - harming someone/people close to me. Which mainly concern my immediate family - my parents and younger brother. I have been dealing with this for four years now and nothing has happened or WILL happen. 

But being the obsessive person that I am, the anxiety hasn't faded. As I write this, I am currently experiencing what my psychologist calls a "blip" - I've been very distressed for the last couple of days, crying half the time and feeling very listless. Throw in the confusion and despair. I'm on edge constantly, feeling as if I'm drowning under my anxiety. 

It's always the same thing - what if it happens, what if I'm truly capable of such a thing, if it hasn't happened before, it might happen now..

Please help.

[geoff]

dear Aryastark, as a long time sufferer from OCD I really want to reply to you, but maybe if you start your own post, so if you go to 'All Posts' and click Depression there will be a box saying 'New Tread' then click onto that and away you go.

I only say this because this post is now on page 2 and if you put it on page 1 again then others may reply back to you.

By having OCD means that you would still have anxiety, because that's what causes it.

OCD is annoying so it's hard to find people who understand what we have to go through. Geoff.

[Luke_Warm]

Hello everyone,

I felt compelled to sign-up and reply to OCD_Me's post at the top of the page as she is going through the exact same type of OCD as me currently.A form of OCD I've learned that is known as 'Harm-O',and one that is currently almost completely consuming me and devastating me.

I am a 34 year old proud Father.Since I was 22 years old (12 years now goodness) I have experienced bouts of anxiety and/or depression (the anxiety was/is always worse in my experience).These bouts come and go.For the past 2 years now my general health has been poor.I've had a spectrum of physical symptoms that range from feelings of difficulty swallowing food to stomach problems (loose bowels,swollen stomach,constipation etc),to headaches,neck stiffness,tinutus (particulary bad at bedtime),sensitivity to bright light,tingling,numbness at times.And recently problems passing urine and needing to urinate several times a night.Every test has came back fine.Even though I have felt something was REALLY wrong.I have also become fixated with my own death.I think about it most nights and it even wakes me up in terror.I've had intrusive thoughts previously of self harm.

But recently I have started to get intrusive thoughts about my son.It started as a horrible thought of what if something happened to him,something specific (i can't even bear to write about it).But recently in the past 2 months or so it started popping into my head what if I was the one to hurt him.The thought obviously utterly horrifies me each time and I know it is completely irrational and the OCD manifesting itself in a new way but I cannot handle this.It is making me feel deeply anxious,sad and scared and I am finding it difficult to spend time around my son when normally it is my favourite thing to cuddle him,kiss him and do normal fun 'Daddy' things (read to him,colour in,watch telly).

I have no job,have no money,i feel my health is poor and my

looks are disintegrating but I can just about cope with all of that.I CANNOT cope with this new intrusive thought.It is making me feel devastated to have this and I am not sure how to overcome it.I feel sad,lonely and alone with this.

I am not looking for sympathy,just someone to tell me there is a wee bit of hope out there and that they can maybe recommend an anti-depressant or something else that will help me overcome this affliction.

I apologise for that long spiel,i hope everyone else is in good health.

Thank you

Luke

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[Quinoa]

So hi.

I'm sixteen and I've recently been diagnosed with OCD. I don't experience compulsions but I cannot seem to stop obsessing about the worst of stuff. Lately however I keep on thinking that I don't have OCD and that these thoughts are not intrusive at all, but are deliberate. And that I like them. This is in part to the fact that I am no longer experiencing much anxiety over them, and the thoughts are still there. I was wondering if this could be because I have been taking medication, or do I have to go to the psychiatrists for another diagnosis. 

[aryastark]

Hi Geoff,

I have posted a new thread under 'Depression'. It's under 'OCD and Intrusive Thoughts'. Please see my post.