OCD and intrusive/aggressive/taboo thoughts - I feel like this is not talked about a lot?

[jemma09]

Hi everyone, I hope you are having a peaceful day 🙂

I noticed this anxiety section of the forum says we can also talk about OCD. I heard about intrusive, aggressive or taboo thoughts associated with OCD only maybe a year or two ago after reading about it on some article. I never knew it was something to do with OCD. I remember reading one person explain that they found a lot of peace when they accepted their thoughts were in fact intrusive and did not define them as a person or what they wanted in life. I wish this was talked about more.

Does anyone experience these?

I never thought there was a name for it. I would have the most random thought just present itself in my head. (It's not so bad now after learning it is part of OCD, I thought I was a horrible person. I couldn't understand why it was happening.) A thought that might be intrusive or taboo and something that I would never do. Sometimes my mind would say to me - 'what if you did this?' 'or what if you were this?' usually referring to negative connotations. It would make me feel horrific and within myself because I knew I am not someone who would do any of the things that were being asked of me. These thoughts were always against my very soul and being and nothing like who I am as a person. I felt so alone and didn't understand why my brain was doing this. It would upset me so much each time. But finding out other people experienced it too was so comforting. I've never talked to a therapist about it because I was so worried I would be labelled as insane or as someone who would commit crimes or be a danger in society.

Thank you so much for reading and listening 🙂

[Petal22]

Hi jemma09,

That sounds like it could be OCD, it is also the same condition I went through……… I have now recovered thanks to the help I received from health professionals

I had the taboo aggressive thoughts too they where on repeat and they would bring intense anxiety with them………… I would always have a what if……… I was always terrified of these thoughts too because they were thoughts that totally went against what I am as a person….

When I first started experiencing OCD I knew it was something that I couldn’t navigate on my own it was causing me so much distress inside myself so I began my recovery by seeing my gp then a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist…….. I thought to myself how am I going to get better if I can’t disclose these horrible thoughts so I took the plunge and opened up to the professionals and was diagnosed with OCD…….. I too thought they would think I was crazy but the opposite happened they understood and helped me…….. I encourage you to speak up……. They will understand….. I know it’s very confronting and scary…….

After my diagnosis I did a 8 week group therapy this therapy was an intervention into the OCD it taught me how to master my OCD …… I’m now free of its vicious cycle 

Your not alone there is many who are going through this condition.

Yes, I can now allow the thoughts just to be there and float away…… I no longer question the thoughts or analyse them or perform compulsions……… Ive learned how to disengage from the vicious cycle of OCD and you can too…..

Ive written two threads you may be interested in reading

From someone who suffered with OCD and recovered

Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive therapy

Please ask me any thing

[jemma09]

Hi Petal22

Thank you very much for replying. It helps to know others have experienced it too. I don't get the thoughts a lot now, sometimes they only pop up in certain situations.

I might try therapy and such again in the future. I recently did earlier this year and had a negative experience so I am not ready just yet to try and find someone else and go through all the referrals and getting to know new therapists and stating all my issues again etc. It can be so exhausting. So I'll have a little break and when I am ready again I'll try. I appreciate your advice.

My previous therapist told me I have tendencies of OCD, but I've mainly been diagnosed with anxiety. My OCD involves a lot of checking and double checking. This mainly involves checking things I have done to make sure and make sure they are 'okay.' I will double check messages I have sent to people and change them, write down notes of what I have done in the day/or actions I have taken or what I've talked about with people and read through them multiple times. Sometimes I obsessively clean something if I feel it's been contaminated, including my own body in the shower. I clean hotel rooms myself when I arrive with disinfectant and refuse to use provided bed linen as I don't trust they have cleaned as well as I can do it (especially now with COVID). I used compulsively hand wash as a child to soothe my anxiety and my hands were so raw. I don't remember why I was doing it, I just felt like I had to. I don't hand wash a lot now, OCD just manifests in other ways. The intrusive thoughts have been there for a while and I never linked it with OCD. I just thought I was a bad person for even thinking those things.

Thank you again for listening and I am really glad to hear you have found peace and help with your OCD. All the best in the future! 🙂

[Petal22]

That’s ok jemma09

Im sorry you had a bad experience earlier this year.

When you are ready again to see a psychologist maybe see if you can see a clinical psychologist who specialises in OCD…. I believe OCD is a specialised area.

Im glad that your intrusive thoughts aren’t too bad at the moment……. I understand by having the thoughts we think we are a bad person ( which isn’t true) but with OCD these intrusive thoughts can drag us into a vicious cycle.

When I did therapy I learned to challenge these thoughts…… it’s really helpful!

I also used to do a lot of checking……… I’ve learned not to do this now.

Always here if you have any questions or concerns 😊

[geoff]

Hello Jemma, I'm please Petal has responded back to you, and anxiety can develop OCD, but not with everyone and then intrusive thoughts form, they are the opposite of what we actually want and intend to do and can be viewed as aggressive or taboo thoughts depending on the situation which are very distressful, but then having to check a door lock 4 or 5 times can also be complicated for that person, not being sure whether the times they have performed this will satisfy their obsession/compulsion as doing this is taboo to others who may see you doing it.

OCD just manifests in other ways and can be controlling to our lifestyle.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[jemma09]

Hi again Petal22

Thank you for the support and kind words!

Yes, it was unfortunate. Oh I did not realise about a specialised person for OCD - that could be a good idea. As I feel OCD especially with intrusive taboo thoughts is so private and would be hard to share. Since it feels so embarrassing.

I hope you have a nice day! 🙂

Jemma

[jemma09]

Hi Geoff

Thank you for replying. Yes, OCD would definitely present differently for each person. I find mental health very interesting so I might do some more reading on it, as I wonder how many people with OCD do experience those types of thoughts.

I know for me if I feel the need to check it only pops up in very specific areas. I can check my door is locked once and be sure for example. But I will check my previous actions or written communication many times. I have in the past made myself lists and checked off each task that I had done that day to make sure it was 'okay.' I would feel very unsettled until I could make this list or notes about my day. When I check my written communication, I read it many times and sometimes edit or find things wrong with my wording. Then if I did make a mistake and cannot change it - I become unsettled. I always want everything to be perfect.

I wish you all the best for your day! 🙂

[Petal22]

No worries jemma09,

I understand, with OCD I believe that’s why some people go undiagnosed and suffer in silence because of the intrusive thoughts they are experiencing are scary to disclose to the clinical psychologist or psychiatrist because they worry about the what if……….

Which I find sad because people can really learn to live a much more easier, peaceful life from within once a diagnosis has been made…. They just need to take that first step….. they won’t regret it because they will learn how to master their OCD…

But from speaking from experience a professional isn’t going to judge you they will want to help you….

Once diagnosed and when I did my group therapy I didn’t have to disclose any of my thoughts to anyone else in the group……. It was an intervention into the OCD.

[jemma09]

Hi Petal22

I really appreciate your continued replies and reassurance. Hopefully if someone else also struggles with this they will see these responses and be inspired to find some support.

Take care

Jemma 🙂

[Petal22]

That’s ok jemma09 😊 thank you for starting this great thread.