Hello Shelley
I have been thinking about your dilemma with small talk. First I want to thank you for bringing up this topic and staying with it to get answers that match your personality. I know I have been challenged into examining why I say and do certain things.
I thought back to when you first posted on BB. I remember those posts. Very short and revealing little about you. Mostly, if I remember correctly, you were offering support to other people. If I am correct you joined BB about October/November last year.
Over time you gradually told us a little about yourself and your daily happenings. You are clearly at home in the cafe offering all sorts of goodies to eat and drink, with suggestions about furnishings and talking to the folk who drop in. Looking in from the sidelines it seems to me you have walked the small talk path very successfully. Many of your posts are short but they reveal a greater confidence in your interactions with others. And I think you are more trusting.
You returned to the Small Talk thread because you wanted to learn more about this. At least, that's how it seems to me. Your increased confidence has helped in this. You offer comfort and support to others and sometimes relate bits of your life to others difficulties.
This is exactly how small talk works. I know it's a bit different in face to face conversations, but the principle is the same. I think several others have made this point about small talk leading to more connectedness. On BB you call the shots by talking when it suits you, choosing who to respond to and what to say. It is more tricky face to face.
Your research above talks about feeling fake by asking someone how they feel today. When I get to the checkout in Woolworths the checkout person invariably asks me if I have had a good day so far. We both know he/she is not really interested unless I respond with a very out-of-the-box answer. It is Woolworths policy for checkout chicks to greet customers pleasantly and make them feel comfortable while parting with their cash. But it does make customers return because they know, even if it is subconsciously, they will be treated in a pleasant manner.
I remember you once commented that you would prefer to jump straight into a proper conversation. Trouble is, most folk would not know how to respond to you, and how would you know what topic to choose? Have a look at your posts over time and see how your conversation has changed.
Mary
