New to grief

[Mond2014]

Hi,
Ive never done this before so its a little weird not having a direct person to chat with but Im guna give it a go anyway. Ive recently experienced a death in my family, its the first one that Ive gone through. Im not entirely sure where to go from here, its the major factor of my anxiety- which now stops me from doing things that I normally would. My anxiety has me constantly terrified that every ache and pain is a serious health issue (stems from the death of my family memeber) and just feel scared to do anything. Ive pulled myself out of situations that cause my anxiety and all I can put it down to is when Im alone in my own head and just thinking to much. Ive always been social so this is really strange not wanting to go hang out with my mates.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mond2014,
Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you have reached out here tonight. We are so sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment, but please know that our community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. 

We hope that you keep checking back in with us and let us know how you're going. 
 

[brave_heart7]

Hi Mond2014,

Thank you for reaching out, I know how hard it can be 🙂 Firstly, I want to express my deepest condolences to you and your family, it is very hard to lose someone we love. I had my first experience with grief in 2018 and I understand how confusing it is to navigate. Everyone experiences loss and grief differently, but I too experienced a lot of anxiety when I was processing the loss. Like you, I am normally a very social being but during the period of grieving, I was too overwhelmed to socialise and found day-to-day activities too stressful.

What really helped me during that time was talking to a counsellor - she was able to explain the grieving process and was someone I could check in with. I also opened up to my closest friends, not only about what I was feeling but my needs from them during this time. I let them know that sometimes I wasn't going to feel up to hanging out but I still wanted them to check-in. Your needs during this time might be different but I think a good place to start might be thinking about how you would like those closest to you to support you and try communicating it to them.

Take care and please remember you're not alone in this 🙂

[Mond2014]

Thank you for replying. My mates do understand the situation and they knew my aunt aswell which has made it easier. They are all understanding of my needs and make arrangements with me around those needs which is amazing and definitely helps with not putting myself in a position where I might get anxious. I am just having a hard time moving forward from the 'scared of being anxious' if thats even a thing I dont know. I dont want to be scared anymore. I make plans and am really excited by them, but when the day comes I back out. I want to move forward I just dont know how to.

Monds ✌

[geoff]

Hello Mon, and a warm welcome to the forums.

I too am deeply sorry for the loss of a family and know how difficult this can be to understand and realise that they are no longer with you.

Life is different now, and it can make you feel anxious about not only how you feel but what's going to happen.

Friends and other relations could be making suggestions on what you should be doing and how to cope, but what they say may not be anything you can understand or are able to do so, although their help is or maybe beneficial, but how do you know whether or not you are ready, this can cause anxiety, although I'm not qualified to say.

When 'you make plans and am really excited by them', often can happen as it does with myself, but the sooner the day approaches the more I want to find a reason or an excuse to back out.

Start small and don't commit yourself too far too many decisions all at once, that's how I have managed to move on.

Take care.

Geoff.