New role new stress

[LadyER]

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting and I'm looking for any advice to help my anxiety.

I have been in retail for many years and this year took the leap and changed roles to a recruitment job. After a month it really started to affect my mental health so I quit, with no back up job but luck was in my favour and I landed a new better role very quickly.
I had three week break before starting training in my new role that I took to relax and recover from quitting my last position. I wanted to be fully ready both physically and mentally and be at my best for a new opportunity.
After a month of training I felt good about my new job and now another month in I feel like I have almost done a compete 360 back to where I was.
I am nervous everyday. I a so worried I am going to mess it up and be fired. I question everything I do there because I am not confident in myself and feel that I will never grasp my role and become successful. The little voice in my head is always there putting doubt in my mind and when I finally come home from work at night, I will have an hour of feeling fine before the negative thoughts come creeping into my head and I doubt everything I have done for the day. It's just been the weekend and I spent all day Saturday in my bed panicking and questioning what work I did the last week and what mistakes I made and dreading Monday morning.
I do want to be successful in this job and am lucky that the company does take mental health seriously. My manager is a mental health first aider (if you are struggling they can help with resources etc) and have already talked to him that I'm a "tad stressed" but haven't revealed the full extent in fear it will jeopardize my role.
I don't know if this is nerves of just getting used to a new role and it will pass or if I am self sabotaging what could be a good career with a good company.
I have a mental health plan and waiting to see a psychologist to help me get back on track but I want to know has anyone else felt this when starting a new role? Not just butterflies in your belly but full stress that you could stuff it all up and have a hard time dropping things at the end of the day?

[Here_I_am]

Hi LadyER,

I'm hearing you on the stress and anxiety side of work. I recently went through a redundancy and have had to somersault and backflip in an effort to land on my feet, and now I am in a case management role which is much less stress than my usual role but brings with it a whole lot of financial stress as I am not earning as much as I was. Long story even longer, the redundancy has given me a healthy dose of anxiety that I continue to grapple with daily.

One thing I have found that assists with this sense of fragility regarding work and vulnerability is having a working knowledge of my role and responsibilities, and keeping a good and functional 'to do' list that I work from daily. This gets added to and redacted from as the day goes on. At the end of the day, I can easily justify my output to others if need be but certainly to myself. More often than not, I find my output is well beyond my peers and - when viewed from a job security position - assists with those nagging feelings of vulnerability.

It's great to read that you're already seeking support from a psychologist through your mental health plan. Hopefully you experience a nice pressure release from this.

Breathe. Take time whenever you can. Read. Listen to music that calms you. Watch what you eat. Exercise. Do all the things that are recommended for good self care. These things won't rid you of the anxiety, but they will give you a fighting chance at managing it more effectively.

[ks1993]

Hi LadyER,

Firstly, congrats on your new role! You should be really proud of yourself for putting yourself out there, it's never easy!

I am the same when I start a new job. I've had horrible, stressful dreams about my job for the first few months of starting before, and I'd wake up in a panic that I'd made a mistake at work! I had a job interview recently, and berated myself for a solid 2 weeks afterward because I didn't feel it was "perfect" or good enough, and I thought I'd screwed up my chances of getting the role and ruined my career before it even started. I thought all these negative things without any evidence, so my worries just exhausted me, beat down my self-esteem and criticised me needlessly. I wonder if you're experiencing something similar - thinking negative thoughts about yourself and your performance without any proof that you are not doing your job properly? Could you have a chat to your boss and ask for some feedback about how you're doing? I'm sure it would be positive, and this could reassure you and ease your mind.

It's easy to fall into these thinking traps when we don't value ourselves the way we should, and can't see that we're motivated and competent people! If you've got time, look up "cognitive distortions" and "thinking errors." We all engage in them to an extent, and you may recognise some that are relevant to you. It just reminds you that what we are feeling and thinking doesn't necessarily equate to reality, or what others are thinking about us. Researching these definitely put me at ease and made me realise my brain was playing some sneaky tricks on me.

I think it's normal to feel some stress or anxiety when you're new to a role, you've undergone a big life change, you're learning new things and we can naturally put pressure on ourselves. But it does sound like your levels of anxiety are impacting your life in a negative way, so I'm really glad to hear you're heading to see a psychologist! I plan to find one soon for literally the exact same ways of thinking as you (i.e. doubting my abilities, not having the best confidence in myself, feeling anxious about new jobs/interviews and as though I'm not performing well enough - despite no evidence of this - etc).

Anyway, hang in there, I'm sure that once you've settled into your role, and prove to yourself that you can absolutely do it, some of that stress will start to fall away. Changing jobs is a huge life event that induces stress and anxiety in the best of us!

KS x

[BreeFree90]

Hi LadyER,

I hope your day is going well and you're able to enjoy some sunshine and fresh air.

I can relate to your situations in some ways. After years in retail and feeling burnt out & stressed to the point of breaking, I quit and took an equally stressful jump into real estate. After just over a year in that industry, I came to the very hard but necessary decision to quit as I wasn't coping with the stress and workload.

Just like you, I would come home every night stressing about what I didn't get done and what I did wrong. By the weekend I was dreading Monday already! I couldn't let my work go. It's demoralising and a very destructive mindset to have. But I am so glad to hear you have a mental health plan and are planning to see a psychologist. I just got a new mental health plan and have started seeing a new psychologist who is helping me work on my stress management. Go us!

One strategy I have learnt that I would like to share with you is the "leaf on a stream" or "bus passengers" strategy. It's simple and kind of sounds a little silly but may help you clear your mind of those negative thoughts, even if only briefly. It works like this: Imagine you're driving a bus and all the noisy negative thoughts you have during the day are passengers. Acknowledge each of those thoughts and then drop them off at a bus stop. The idea is to allow your mind to accept that yes I'm having these thoughts and then let them go because they are not useful.

I personally use the leaf on a stream. I imagine a beautiful shallow stream with large overhanging trees. When a leaf comes by I simply pass the negative thought onto it and watch is sail away.

I will admit it doesn't always work, but it's a simple exercise that I can focus on and use when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Of course, there are other simple tricks like taking a few deep breaths and evening removing yourself from your work and going outside for a few moments just to recentre yourself.

The last thing I will say, and I'm most definitely being a hypocrite, is don't be so hard on yourself. It's a new job, you'll make mistakes and you'll learn. Give yourself a chance and be proud of yourself.

Stay positive!

Bree

[LadyER]

Thanks for the response everyone and its reassuring to know I am not the only one who feels this way. I really appreciate the advice given as well and I am trying to find my own ways to enact it. I already have some little mantras on my desk to help me out and if I need a break I am trying to walk away for a minute and breath when can.

I was ready to go into work today and take it on with a fresh approach and take it a day at a time, slowly though I wont deny my day got worse and so did my mindset. I work in insurance and there is not only alot to learn but also a position where you can't really messy it up plus there is alot of regulations around the industry. I have been trying hard and reassuring myself if I make a mistake they will tell me and I can learn from it and with this in mind I still find myself after work mentally replaying the day and picking out all my faults. Also its is hard somtimes dealing with yelling and annoyed customers on the line when legally you can only say and do so much withtin your power and you don't want to screw anyone over. Im still going in tomorrow and trying again to take the day with a fresh approach and not look back on what I did yesterday so I don't indulge thoes thoughts!

I do also know while there are people I trained with who are doing super well and almost crusing through, there are some others who are also feeling nervous and we discuss how we feel, are coping with the role and support each other. I'm trying not to compare myself to anyone and do my own best, though I know some have more sale experience and skills I have to put my own twist and learn the role to fit me and not worry wht they are doing.

I am still in probation with my role and in a one on one meeting with my manager he also said at the end of the probation not only does the company get to decide if I good for the role but I also have to decide if I am happy with it the role as well. I really want to succeed and hope that once I have seen a psychologist it will help, the company I work for are very suportive and great company to work for and I really want to stay a part of them. It has got me thinking though still early in the role of this is the job for me and how much do I want it?

Not ready to give up yet and really hoping that it will only get better with each day!

[CoraC]

For what it's worth I have felt like this every single time I've started a new job. I'm about to start another new job soon and I'm already worried!

i find I go through this same pattern, stress like mad for about the first three months, then everything mostly clicks into place and my stress levels go down. Never away, but down. If I can identify one or two helpful people who can give me a hand when i need it, that really helps me to settle. I also review my position description week by week to see what I feel comfortable with, and what I need more help with still. This stops the feeling that you don't understand any of it, where it might only be a couple of tasks you still need to get to grips with.

every job is hard in its own way, especially to start with. But what's harder to find is a decent employer who are supportive. That, in my experience, is rare.