New relationship anxiety/ocd

[bimmadude101]

Hi bimmerdude101 here

I recently got into a new relationship with this fantastic girl. Its been 2 weeks since we started dating but we have known each other for around 5 months. Anyway i am plagued with unwanted intrusive thoughts such as doubt. I have had terrible ocd for over a year now suffering from Harm ocd which i have recently been able to get better at dealing with. I feel as though my ocd is effecting my relationship. It convinces me that i dont actually like her and i should break up with her despite the fact that she makes me happy. I have heaps of ambivalence towards the relationship. Some days i will be sure i like her and sure i want her but then other days my mind plagues me with thoughts of doubt for example i should break up with her i dont like her, all im going to do is hurt her and things wont work out. These thoughts a really distressing and cause me to feel very anxious all the time. I am always so confused to whether these are ocd thoughts or if this is actaully how i feel. my previous relationships i felt like i was falling or fell in love with them really quickly (keep in mind my first relationships where before i had ocd and i was also 16 and 18) now that im 20 and have struggled with a year of ocd i feel as though i have changed allot. For this girl i struggle to feel emotions all i can feel is anxiety i dont know how to open up my feelings and really tell how i feel about her. We have been taking things slow but i just dont feel as though there is that lust stage or the dopamine you get when you are falling in love. Although i do feel so comfortable around her and can be myself. All these things really cause me to doubt why i am dating this girl... on the other hand i love spending time with her and she makes me really happy. sometimes i do get glimpses of that i love her but not often. she has such a nice family and is such a fantastic girl. she is probably the most stable and amazing girl i have shared time with actually. We get along super well. I have been googling every day for like 2 hours about how to feel in a relationship and i feel as though that is a compulsion that i need to stop. Anyway i am so scared to lose this girl but im so sick of the doubts in my head.

Can anyone with rocd or had similar experiences help please.

Regards bimmerdude101

[geoff]

Hello Bimmadude101, I see you have been here before, but OCD is caused by anxiety, something I've had for 58 years and know exactly what you are saying.

Intrusive thoughts are a part of this illness where we think about awful or maybe hurtful thoughts about someone we love they are frightening thoughts we can often suffer from and struggle for fear of what the thoughts might mean so we feel quietly embarrassed for thinking them.

They maybe thoughts that you are shameful for thinking of, but they are only thoughts and meaningless even though you believe they are real, plus they only last a few seconds.

It certainly doesn’t reflect your character, and for me, these thoughts, as bad as they were, never came true and the more you think about them the worse it feels, so distract yourself, change what you are doing, remember you love this girl.

Can I suggest you contact your doctor, medication may help you and ask to be referred to a psychologist.

There is an enormous topic on Beyond Blue, so google 'intrusive thoughts', but can I urge you that these thoughts DOESN'T mean that you don't love your girlfriend because you do.

I hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Aimee__]

Hi there,

ive struggled with OCD for 9’years now and relationship OCD has come into now for 3 years now, with my current relationship we are best friends and in love and happy and so comfortable with each other but the past month I’m suffering from intrusive thoughts again such as ”do really love him?” “He can do better then you, someone who is more mentally stable!” “I should leave him because I’m not stable enough for our relationship” and more as well

im seeking help from a psychologist well it’s on its way and only specialising in ocd and relationship ocd

i feel so sad and mentally drained all the time and just want to feel normal.