New here - Agoraphobic - Help

[An_Li]

Hi, this is my first post. I wanted to connect with other sufferers of panic attacks with or without agoraphobia (I have agoraphobia)

I'm in my 30's and a mum of 2 and have had anxiety issues since I was 20. I have recovered many times (to an extent, obviously not fully), I have tried medications over the years (though not for a long time) and have done cbt and other such therapies in the past. This stint of agoraphobia has lasted over 2 years now and it's taking it's toll on me, I'm finding it very difficult to overcome the agoraphobia this time around. I'm very very lonely, frustrated and desperately want to recover, I need to for my kids.

I have a psychiatrist I see on Skype occasionally and I have a pscychologist willing to work with me although I haven't called him yet to organise an appointment (a very common theme) I was also offered a place in a clinic outreach program, but couldn't even get through the initial consultation. I get panic attacks being in a room with people and the anticipation of these appointment was overwhelming, even being in my home I just couldn't face it. I've put myself in the 'too hard basket' although my psychiatrist hasn't given up on me. I think I'm just scared of failing, sick of facing it, the last time I recovered from agoraphobia I didn't think I would ever be here again and when I did fall back into it, it completely shattered my confidence. And it was sooooooo hard recovering from agoraphobia, like it literally took me years, and knowing how hard it's going to be and the thought of falling back into it so easily. I think I've just given up 😞 😞

Anyway, I'm rambling 😕 I'd love to connect with anyone out there who gets what I'm thinking and going through.

[JessF]

Hello An Li, I hope you are still checking in, I am sorry that no one has replied to you. Sometimes there are a lot of posts on and some of us don't check every day and miss new ones.

I know its really shattering to the confidence when we get whacked with a big bout of anxiety or depression when we think we've 'made it'. As I've gotten older, i've started to realise that being hard on yourself when this happens (I have had many 'relapses') is half the battle. In fact, I don't even use the term relapse now because I don't think it helps.  Some of us, unfortunately, have this thing called anxiety - in whatever form it takes - and it will come and go throughout our lives.  In the same way that we try our best not to catch a cold, but sometimes we will get struck down with a bug.  Imagine if we were so hard on ourselves every time we got a runny nose?  I know that might seem like a trivial comparison, but it's an important one because it comes back to that core belief that mental illness is somehow OUR fault and OUR weakness and it is not, it is something that happens in the brain.

Now with that sermon aside 🙂 I think it's important to remember that yiou have got this under control before. Yes it sucks to be back in the thick of it again, but there will be some things you learnt and techniques, and even medications perhaps, that worked to help you and perhaps revisiting some of these could be a good idea.  At certain stages I have had to take medication just so I could leave the house, let alone be around other people, but it's all stepping stones. One little bit at a time.

It's great that you have a  Skype psych; isn't technology wonderful? You are not in the too hard basket.  Perhaps you're not ready for group therapy yet, that's fine.  Talk to your online psych and see if you can do therapy in steps. 

Here's something to think about when you say you're scared of failure and scared of facing things: remember the old nursery rhyme about the bear going over the mountain to see what he could see?  Remember what happens when he gets there?  All he sees is the other side of the mountain. 

The anticipation is always much worse than the reality. We all fail at things, everyday.  I fail to remember where I've left my keys (a lot!) but I always find them, even if I end up swearing along the way.  When you face things, they do begin to lose their power over you.  Fear of the unknown is the most powerful fear of all, which is why the scariest monster movies always leave the monster in the shadows, because when they do the big reveal it's just a man in a bad rubber suit,.