New & Blue

[littleone13]

Hi there

I am new to the Beyond Blue forums, but after reading the threads here, I feel like this is somewhere that I can ask a few questions that I have about my own situation.

I've only recently developed symptoms of anxiety to the point where I have noticed it as a major issue over the past 6 months. Prior to this, it's not something I realised was out of the ordinary, though now looking back, I can see that there were symptoms back then too.

I am currently undiagnosed, though between this site and other sites, as well as the options of my partner (who has had depression for a long time, and has his methods of managing it) and his mum (who has had severe anxiety most of her life), lead me to believe that I have an anxiety issue of some sort.

Only in the past few months, I have started having panic attacks, where thoughts becomes so overwhelming that something miniscule (to the point that I don't even recognise what the trigger is) sets me off and I collapse in on myself, tears, hyperventilation, massive stress, fast heartbeat... My partner has been there every time bar one (which was at work, where I was on my own), to support me, and he is a massive help. Aside from the attacks, there are plenty of other moments where anxiety hits me. I seem to think that a lot of mine is stress-related. Stressing about things (from as little as where to eat out for dinner, to not getting washing done/cleaning or tidying the house, to bigger issues like money) seem to trigger anxiety.

I have spoken with both my partner and his mum, who are extremely supportive, having had issues themselves. I consider myself extremely lucky to be with a man who is so empathetic to how I'm feeling at the moment, even if he doesn't 100% understand what sets me off. I'm not really comfortable saying anything to anyone else that I know yet, including my parents (I don't have enough characters to elaborate on this).

I am considering seeing a GP, but as part of having moved interstate in the last year, 'my' GP is someone I've only seen once, not the doctor that I used to see regularly back in my home state. They don't know me particularly well, and I don't know how I feel about speaking to them. But I feel that I need to do something, otherwise I'm not going to be able to get a handle on this and that it's going to keep getting worse. How did some of you go about these initial steps? I'm a bit nervous about it and would appreciate any guidance you could give. Thank you.

[HA1]

Hi littleone13!

Welcome to the forum and thank you for reaching out.  I am no health professional, but it does sound like you are experiencing anxiety attacks.  If you are a worrier (like me!), then my experience is that yes that can trigger anxiety attacks.

Congratulations on recognising the need to consult with a doctor - it is a big step forward, and one that is generally a difficult decision to make.  To my detriment, I held off doing so until it was critical. Finding a GP that you are comfortable with can be tricky and can be a trial and error exercise.  If you are not sure, then look in the Get Support section above (Find a Professional).  This is a Beyondblue database of doctors that are experienced in dealing with mental health issues.   See if there is one in your area.

Finally, it may seem daunting to go and talk to a doctor about it, but believe me, you will be better for it.  Just to have that uncertainty taken off your shoulders.

Good luck and please, ask away if you have any questions.

Let us know how you go.

K

[littleone13]

Hi Hideaway

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and supportive response. It means a lot.

Thank you for the tip regarding the data base, I will definitely check that out.

I really appreciate the honesty regarding seeing a GP. It is daunting, definitely, but it does help knowing there are others out there who have been helped by it.

Do you think it would be ok if I asked my partner to come along with me to the initial GP session? Just for support, and also because I find that he is better at identifying and explaining some of the issues I've had, just because he's had previous experience himself. He wouldn't mind, but I'm just not sure if that's something that would be ok to do?

Lastly, if you don't mind my asking, how did you (if you did at all) discuss your mental health with family/friends?
Obviously my partner & his mum knows, but I felt comfortable with them as they have both had previous experience which they had been open about, and are not partial to the stigma that is rather prevalent. I'm really just not sure how to discuss it, or if I should discuss it, with my parents and a very close friend of mine - I don't like keeping things from them, but at the same time, I just have no idea how they would deal with the information. I love my parents, and have a good relationship with them, but I just feel unsure about how they would react (don't get me wrong, they are good people, but as far as I'm aware I've never seen them in a situation regarding mental health issues and so don't know how they feel regarding it). I think maybe I'm a little worried about them over or under-reacting... Though that might just be me worrying. I guess I just don't know if it's something I should bring up sooner, later or not at all.

Just to clarify, I am 23 years old and am living out of home (and in a different state) to my parents. They wouldn't have seen me enough over the last 6 months to know what has been happening.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I will keep you posted on how things proceed.

Littleone.

[HA1]

Hey Littleone!

Great to hear back from you 🙂  

I think it is definitely a good idea to have your partner come along for the first visit - I could not have gone through with it had my partner not been there.  It is important that they understand and hear first hand from the doctor about the diagnosis.  Similarly, mine also came along to the first couple of psychiatrist visits; again so as to fully understand what is going on.  However, I drew the line at dragging my partner along to my 'chats' with the psychologist.  

Discussing mental health with family or friends is very tricky.  I took a very measured approach, only revealing some of my issues to family members.  It all depends how you asses their ability to understand, accept and empathise.  In my case I gradually revealed to them in broad terms, what I am dealing with.  Only one person in my family knows the full story - and I think it is important that someone has that information.

Friends? Well none of my 'friends' know what I went through, that I was in hospital, and that I am now managing my mental health issues.  But that is me, I am a very private person.  I suggest you trad carefully about deciding who to confide in.  You never really know how they will react.  Not all will understand the subtle but important real difference between sympathy and empathy! Few of us who are sick with this illness want sympathy, but we need understanding and empathy.

Sorry about going on a bit too much in my reply.  But who knows what about my mental health issues remains something I manage very carefully.  I think you will find many others who think like me on this issue.  Very tricky indeed.

take care Littleone.  Hope we seak soon again.

k

[littleone13]

Hi Hideaway

Sorry about the late response, I thought I had replied to this a few days ago, but my response seems to have not saved (I know they don't always post straight away, but it's never taken this long before, so I'm thinking I just didn't hit "post" before closing the page - that's a very me thing to do!) 

I'm so glad you think that having my partner come along is a good idea, having him there for support and understanding makes the whole ordeal a little more comfortable. I understand that obviously there is a point where the line has to be drawn though.

I can definitely appreciate that it is a tricky thing to discuss these issues with others. I have a good relationship with my parents, and I don't think I would want to keep it from them permanently. However, I think I will bide my time and make sure that I know where I am at first, and then be cautious and selective about how and when I discuss it (as well as how much is discussed). As for friends, there is only one very very close friend that I would even consider discussing it with, which there are reasons for that I won't go into. However, both my parents and my friend live in a different state to me these days and so, because they are not seeing me anywhere near as often or aren't "witnessing" any of my issues, it makes it a little easier for me in being able to wait and pick my timing as to if/when I want to tell them anything.

I wouldn't open up to any of my other friends, they are not as close and do not 'need' to know. I would even be cautious as to how much I told any of my other family members, if at all.

Please don't apologise for "going on a bit" - I don't mind at all, and I do appreciate the time and effort you have taken to reply to me. I value your opinions and experience.

I hope you had a good weekend. I actually managed to have a very good weekend - it's the best I've felt in a long time. Back to the hard slog today with work and feeling average, but it was amazing just having a full weekend where I felt relaxed and carefree for a little while. It hasn't lasted

I will try and book into the doctors soon - I've just gotta find a time that is going to suit me to get there (my workplace is in the process of an unplanned move over the next two weeks, so it's chaotic and hours are long). Once I've got there, I'll keep you updated. 

You take care too, Hideaway & thank you.

Littleone.

[HA1]

Hi Ltlleone

Thanks for getting back to me 🙂

I think you have your strategy nailed down very well.  Please keep in touch.

By the way, love your picture; I can see some light at the end of the path through the forrest!!  I am glad.

K

[littleone13]

Hi hideaway.

had a couple of really rough days the past few days. Took friday off of work to go and see a doctor. They were really good, and were very gentle and understanding. They've run a blood test to see if maybe there's a medical cause behind my issues (such as thyroid), but from there will recommend me to see a psychologist who will work through it with me. I really liked that she had some options for me, and though she had medication as an option, it wasn't her first or only option. I'll see what happens once I get the results back from the tests and will go from there. It was a rather nerve racking step, but I'm glad ive taken it.

Im struggling being alone at the moment. My partner works both day & night shifts, and the past few days ones been on night shift, & ive been finding that it's when im alone and he's at work that I'm having really sad and down thoughts/moments. Do you find being alone triggers some things more? I've always liked time to myself but I've been struggling this week, and when I'm alone it seems to make things worse.

I'm glad I've taken the steps I have, but it definitely feels like I have an awfully long way to go.

thanks for letting me vent to you. 

Littleone.

ps apologies for the shocking punctuation, my phone apparently doesn't like behaving at the moment and I can't be bothered trying to go through and fix it all.

[HA1]

Hey Littleone - so good to hear back from you 🙂

Also good that you have found a good doctor to talk to - this is a major step.  I've had some crap ones. Hopefully your psychologist will be equally good - hopefully you will find gold first up like I did!

Hmmm, not so good to hear from you that you have been feeling down.  I guess we are a bit different in that I treasure my solitude.  And since I have a partner, that does not make a good mix.  But you are missing yours and that in itself is a good sign.  

You say that when you are alone you have some very sad and down thoughts.  Is it that you want him around you and that you feel lonely, or is it that you have difficulty managing on your own?  If the latter, then it is important that you speak to the psychologist about those feelings.  You know, I think it might really help youy if youy spoke to your GP about these feelings and if medication might provide some form of solution.

I have been very flat last week, but have battled it by keeping myself very busy with things that I enjoy, like planning for the future.  It keeps my head above water and is very exciting indeed.  

Please keep venting as much as you like - I enjoy reading your posts and if I can help, it makes me feel just terrific!!

Please take care of yourself, and speak soon.

K

[littleone13]

Hi Hideaway

Yeah I'm glad that I found a good doctor. I've got my fingers crossed that the psychologist will be good also. I go back to my doctor for results at the end of this week, so will see what happens from there.

I've been a little better since seeing the doctor and having a quiet weekend. As for when I'm alone - I think it's more that I know my partner can help me when I'm having really anxious attacks or having down moments. It's almost like unconscious self sabotage, in that my head knows he's not there to help me and so chooses that time to inundate me with a flurry of negative thoughts. I'll definitely speak to them about these things when I see the psychologist/doctor.

Regarding medication, I just wanted to clarify - I'm not against medication, I know that it is helpful and I know people (like my partner's mum) who have been significantly helped by the medication. I think I was just apprehensive of walking into a GP and them wanting to just prescribe me an anti-depressant and 'problem solved' - I guess that I wanted someone who would listen a bit more before providing me medication or other options. It's probably a bit of the anxiety/depression that contributed to those thoughts and nervousness. I would be happy to try medication if my GP or Psychologist feels that it is necessary. I'm glad I found the doctor that I did - she did listen to me and is willing to look at options/get me to see the Psychologist first before prescribing anything.

I'm glad you have been keeping busy, hope you are feeling a little less flat this week.

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy my venting posts! Your help is fantastic and much appreciated - just having someone on the other end who is willing to listen and has past experience that they are willing to share is great.

You take care too! I will update again once I have something new to report.

Much appreciated, as always.

Littleone. 

[HA1]

Hi LittleOne,

Again, it is so great to hear from you!  No worries about me, I have learnt how to deal with my issues - went bush this week, and just got back.  So trying to catch up with everything that has been happening here.

I am really glad that you have felt better since seeing your doctor, that is massive!!  And, quiet times are always very good therapy - hence my frequent trips into the 'never never'.  It is good to hear that you are keeping your options open about medication - it is a fine balance between reliance and managing without.  I am working on the latter.

Sad to hear that you don't think that your partner is really there for you.  That is hard.  I am in a similar situation in that my partner has been great in supporting me through crisis situations.  But I also know that my partner is not really there ...  I will need to manage.

Would love to hear back from you - take care LittleOne,

K