new and hoping to feel different

[gettingthroughGAD]

 I'm just beginning my journey although I've probably had undiagnosed anxiety for a several years. I wonder if it's supposed to get worse before it gets better...as you try to take control of your life the anxiety fights you. Perhaps it's the awareness of the illness when you face it (rather than deny and self-medicate with alcohol and other drugs) and how it has the ability to affect every part of your life. 

I've begun telling friends and family but it's still hard for me to reach out and ask for support.  Sometimes I can't feel any support from my boyfriend and I wish that he was able to support me better. I'm not sure if it's that he doesn't know how or that he doesn't have the patience with my anxiety disorder. If I am having a full-blown anxiety attack in which the physical symptoms are very clear then he's pretty helpful then but not so much when it's not so obvious. I understand that it's probably hard for him to cope with at times and I feel bad that I have this condition because I know it's a strain. I can't get rid of it though - all I can do is manage it and hope it will get easier. Today is a day where it feels like it won't get easier but who knows how I'll feel tomorrow. 

I've been reading posts on here and it's nice to know that I'm not alone and other people can understand this illness. If anybody has any tips or words of wisdom please share. Your honesty and support will be dearly appreciated.

Candice

[white knight]

Hi GTGAD, welcome

As for the illness getting worse before it gets better- who knows? It depends on too many factors. What I can tell you is it can take a long long time to overcome anxiety. Overcome in my language is say 90%. Lingering bit we can ignore. It took me a full 25 year but it you tackle it head on it could be much less....again it depends.

Let assume you have a proper diagnosis, medication if prescribed and ongoing therapy. You can do a lot to help all this along at home. Deep breathing, muscle tensioning exercises, youtube videos (google "youtube prem rawat sunset" as an example) and life changes like employment changes to less stressful occupations, stopping shift work etc.

Your boyfriend is a carer in some form or another. I feel a little sorry for him. We humans cant predict things like someones mood or how anxious they are if there are few signs that are obvious. When the signs are obvious he responds. Cant get better than that IMO. As a therapist once said to me "sometimes you just have to learn to carry your own cross" its advice I often recall.

In fact "carers" have to put up with a lot from us. They sacrifice lots of fun when they want fun, laughter and say...a calm Sunday afternoon when we are not well. This can take its toll and slowly erode their overall happiness. Before you know it your carer is reconsidering his/her future with us.

I know where you are coming from but considering around 80% of humans dont understand mental illness at all, 10% try but dont get there, 5% understand a lot and the other 5% are the ones that have one. (my figures). Once those figures sink in then your own expectations of others and their level of support you think they could give you is much less. I've lost some friends on my journey and its sad.

Dont expect too much from your boyfriend. Carry your own burden more and consult those like here on BB for some moral support by reading or posting.

Hope that helps.  Tony WK

[donut87]

Hi Candice

I too have been suffering silently from GAD , probably since I was very little.  I had a terrible year last year with it (financial and job problems) and it really reared its head badly.  I ended up going to a psychologist which was very helpful but I reckon I need lots more sessions to really get on top of it.  I have also found it very difficult to tell people about it - especially family.  So used to them putting me down and saying that I am just being over sensitive - having real trouble with one sister but am avoiding contacting her as she is not someone who makes me feel good about myself!

GAD is a bummer - colours everything in your life and takes the shine off most things - especially the supposed fun things.

I hope that I can work my way through it to a sunnier future.  I've had this for over 40 years an am heartily sick of it.  Just want to be myself now - whoever that is after all this time!

Anyway, hope this forum helps you, even just by empathy.

[gettingthroughGAD]

Thank you TonyWK.

There is a lot I can do for myself. I have started making changes because I know it's ultimately my GAD will never truly leave and I am the one who can do the most for myself.

I am very wary of medication as I am afraid that if I start I won't be able to stop...It's been a tough week as I've been sick. It's easy for the bad thoughts to creep in when you're feeling poorly and at home alone so you don't give your flu to anyone!....I'm getting better and have started to go out again. Today I feel much more positive then yesterday and I begin uni again next week. I'm hoping that with more to do (and not sick so I can exercise) I will feel less frustrated. I am also going to book in with my psychologist. 

I do feel sorry for my boyfriend too. It can't be easy putting up with these mood swings. Since my last post we've talked about ways he can help and be more supportive. Just little things like offering to make me a cup of tea occasionally and picking up his dirty clothes.

He's said it's hard to tell the difference between me just being cranky and starting to feel irritable because I am anxious. I can understand his confusion. Hopefully I can learn to bear my burden a little more.

Thanks for your advice! 

[gettingthroughGAD]

donut87 I hope you can work your way into a sunnier future too!