Dear Shenlee
Welcome to the Beyond Blue community. It is brave of you to write in. The first time is a bit scary but you will become more comfortable as you go along.
We are all broken in some way and in need of healing. None of us have medical qualifications but we have individual and collective experience. This is a safe place to let out your fears and any other emotions as you are completely anonymous.
You have certainly had a rough time lately and I am sad to read of your partner's illness. Pancreatic cancer is a nasty disease to have. I hope the scans will show it has all gone.
It's hardly surprising that you are very anxious. I would be surprised if you were not. Still that does not help you much. I presume your psychs are aware of your situation and are helping with your anxiety. Do you have any strategies for reducing the anxiety? I do understand that it's not easy to do this, but if you can find a way it will help you let your body rest a little between jobs.
I can relate to being wary about AD increases, especially with the reactions you have had. As we know, some side effects are minor and transient, but your side effects are huge. I'm not sure I would have the courage to hold on for 11 days with blurred vision. And to be asked to increase the amount must be very worrying.
Did you find the change and/or increase beneficial at all? I mean after you had adjusted to the side effects. New medications often take up to six weeks to kick in and even increases can take up to several weeks. What I am getting at is your feeling on whether the ADs are helping more than your previous medication. It's one factor of your decision whether or not to have another increase in ADs.
My doctor increased my ADs before Christmas. I was really nervous as I had a poor reaction to them initially. I took the plunge and was pleasantly surprised both by the lack of side effects and by the increased feeling of well-being. So when she suggested raising the dose again I was happy to do so. And again, no side effects.
However, it was quite a difficult decision to make initially and I can relate to your hesitation. If you decide to go ahead with another increase perhaps having a contingency plan in case the increase causes problems. Perhaps an emergency contact number for the psychiatrist, a what to do if there is a problem, should you discontinue the higher dose or perhaps all the AD while things settle down. The psych should be able to guide on this.
I hope you can write in again.
Mary
