Negative Thought Patterns

[Becky087]

"I'm never going to be good enough for anything."
"I never do anything right."
"Why did I say that? I'm so awkward. Everyone hates me."
"I'm ugly/I'm fat/I look terrible without make-up/I have no style."
"I hate myself/my personality/the way I look."
"My dreams/goals are unrealistic and I'll never achieve them."

If any of these sound familiar, please tell me how you deal/manage when you start to get into these spiraling negative thought patterns. These same questions come into my head literally every day and I believe them. When others tell me I'm pretty/nice/they like me as a person/not fat/going to get where I want in life/talented/capable, I don't believe them and think they're just saying these things to be nice. I have no self-confidence or self-worth whatsoever and am constantly very self-conscious. It's exhausting and everything I've tried just doesn't work. Any advice?

[white knight]

Hi Beck, welcome

You can overcome this negative state of mind.

I had it till 26yo in 1982 then wothin 30 minutes it all changes. I was jolted by a lecture.

This account is explained in my thread (use google)

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

But like many things with mental illness like anxiety you need a multi pronged attack on the problem.

Meds, and just as importantly the right dose will make a difference. Be patient to get it right. Financial stability, environment and ridding your life from toxic people are some of the ideas that worked for me.

Triggers are relevant. Eg for me one trigger was city living. Large shopping centres, queues, parking meters all played a part. I moved to the country...

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

I highly recommend reading some threads of anxiety on this site.

Tony WK

[MarkJT]

Becky, yep most certainly those and many others are very familiar, not only to me but to a lot of people in the community. You are most certainly not alone.

You are showing some symptoms of anxiety but i am no clinician so my best advice is to get yourself a GP booking and discuss it with him/her. This may lead to a psych appointment which is completely fine - they are the experts in the area and can help you.

At one stage i had no self worth also so i know what that is like - horrible - but i have it back now so you can recover.

In the meantime, I would love for you to start practicing mindfulness. It is meditation and its about living in the moment, the moment in time that you are currently in and not worrying about the future nor the past. There is a good app for it, "Smiling Mind" which will help you learn it.

Really want you to go see the GP so get that booking done if you can.

I will be here if you want to ask any questions.

Mark.

[Becky087]

Hi Mark,

Sorry I should have mentioned I am already seeing a psychiatrist, but only on an irregular basis. I always feel awkward around her and just end up lying most of the time when I feel especially bad. I suppose I don't like the way she makes me feel so confronted with myself, and I don't like to delve into my problems either. I'm not used to the whole therapy thing and I find myself a lot of the time not knowing how to answer her questions.

[Artyga]

Hi Becky,

The negative thoughts that you are having are any different from the one most people have everyday of our lives, so you are not alone on this. I think the difference is whether you invest on this thoughts or not.

What I'm trying to say is don't listen to them but don't avoid them (as this is exhausting and difficult )In my case every time this thoughts/feelings come up, I just say to myself "yeah whatever", "I don't care", "so, what" in time you are going to notice they come up less often.

You are perfect as you are now.

[MarkJT]

Becky, going to psychs and opening up is a difficult thing to do but once you do, things can improve rapidly. They need the full story to effectively treat you, but in saying that, if you do not feel that you are vibing with your psych, find another one. You are well within your rights to find a psych who you feel comfortable with.

I greatly encourage you to continue seeking out assistance with the psych - it is important.

After a while of opening up, you will begin to feel comfortable (as much as you can) and the flow on conversation and treatment is much easier.

Remember you are not alone in this journey you are on, so many others are exactly the same so don't be harsh on yourself, be kind to yourself.

Mark.

[MyProfile]

Hi Becky, welcome.

Wow. You must be reading my mind with those negative thoughts you shared. I know what you mean when you say you believe them, I feel the same.

I spoke to my dad yesterday and he told me that he's been having repetitive negative thoughts too. He suggested that every time the thought comes in, replace it with a silly thought, memory or image. I've been doing that, using a few different images. It helps disconnect me from the negative emotion - when you have low self esteem the part of your brain responsible for emotions is highly active. So this kind of helps to disconnect it and make it less active. On that same topic of over-active emotions, it can help to try to be more engaged and "mindful" during experiences, so disengage from the emotional "memories" you're relying on and just experience the day as if you didn't have any emotional connections to it (does that make sense?) - so again, you're reducing the emotional activity in your brain, which over time will rewire your brain so it doesn't process every experience emotionally, giving you a break from these overwhelming thoughts and feelings.

Practising mindfulness is really good if you're as overwhelmed as you seem to be, because there is a chance you feel like there is too much to fix that you'll never be ok, right? Being mindful might help you to realise that you're good enough already, those thoughts aren't facts - what will happen if you don't do anything about the thoughts, if you don't try to bully yourself into being somehow a "better" person? Nothing, probably, because there probably isn't anything that deeply flawed about you.

Sending you hugs,

MP

[Becky087]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and positive vibes, feeling the love. I have tried that Smiling Mind app many have recommended to me on here and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. It's already giving me the tools I need to shut off my brain every once in a while and live more in the moment than worrying about tomorrow. It's helping me sleep better too, for the first time in a long time. Thank you all.

[Maynard79]

Hi Becky

I understand what you mean about not being comfortable with sharing with your phsyc as I was there mysel once.

the great thing for me was once I got comfortable and was able to share my deepest held fears and beliefs about myself is when I really started my recovery.

The inner voices telling us how bad we are overweight worthless etc all steam from some belief in the way we see ourself and owning up to them and acknowledging them to someone else takes all the power away from them internally.

its not easy but over time you will start to creat new views of yourself and begin to enjoy the positive confident self talk that comes along with it.

keep on keeping on one day at a time and remember to be kind to yourself.

[MarkJT]

Becky, very happy for you that the app is working well. Make sure that you keep doing it and it will become second nature to practice mindfulness. You will find yourself looking at something one day and before you know it, you are completely grounded and peaceful because of it.

As you can see by what Maynard has posted above, you are not alone in this and the vibe out of that post is that is really positive and positivity is awesome.

Mark.