Needing Guidance.

[MissSunshinee]

I'm a recluse who doesn't want to be a recluse anymore but I don't know how to escape the comfortable box I'm living in.

(For reference I've been diagnosed with Aspergers, Anxiety, and Depression).

By choice when I was 16/17 I became a shut in. The world just kept throwing cruel/stressful curve balls at me and I couldn't deal so I hid from everything.

I escaped reality by binge-watching every TV series every made. And my use of distraction worked for a few years. Ignorance was bliss. I was content with my lifestyle away from the real world.

My only interactions I would have with the real world would be spent with my parents, sibling, or dogs by my side.

Slowly but surely, I started noticing how my life and behavior wasn't normal. I actually wasn't content at all, I was struggling to remember if I had experienced any real happiness over the last five years. I also started craving normality ie a job, a social life, a partner, to travel.

Unfortunately, me noticing how unhappy I was, meant I could no longer ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of stomach.

Which is why I'm asking for help. I'm very lost inside a dark tunnel and I can't find my way out. How do I venture outside?

Clearly, my self-esteem is non-existent. My social skills wasn't great to start with and haven't improved. I don't know how to keep a conversation going (I don't really have anything to say/add). I panic alot and can get very irrational and angry out of frustration.

Suggestions??

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I have many suggestions but of course it will take commitment, I think you are ready to give it.

Firstly, having been a person that attempted to become a hermit and failed dismally that lifestyle isn't ideal.

Google

Beyondblue topic want to be a hermit?

So, as I'm extremely sensitive, I acknowledged I was missing some essential protective measures. I had to learn how to screen people so I could discard the toxic ones and protect myself from hurt.

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival part 2

With mental illness we usually sit on the sidelines, we will never be among the popular , the liked and the most friendly. We need to accept there is a half way point whereby we mingle in society to achieve employment, buy essential supplies and retreat into our safe place when we need to.

Look for that balance that suits you.

Eg when younger I loved volleyball. I'd play in our team but never would I venture to the pub after a game like the others. They accepted that mostly with the occasional stirring.

I'd also consider computer dating. It is the way to go because you narrow down the possibles- like country life, don't mind quiet natured people etc. When you communicate, early on I'd mention that you are not the best communicator and hope they don't get upset by that. Then they should make exceptions.

After all- everyone has flaws. It's whether you choose the right type that goes with the flow of them.

So I'd suggest you don't over react to re-entering society but do it with a measured amount of inclusion and make selection of a possible partner easier by reducing the effort of finding one by computer dating.

TonyWK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi MissSunshinee,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here. It makes me very happy to read that you're wanting to get out of your comfortable box; I have no doubt that this has probably been very hard for you and probably a bit daunting to think about what might be next.

I hope it's not too much of a cliche, but have you ever considered seeing a therapist? I'm asking because they can give you lots of tools around dealing with your emotions (like when you panic or are getting irrational) as well as helping you to find steps that are uncomfortable but somewhat doable.

One of the tools I was thinking of specifically is this approach called exposure therapy, which is this idea of doing scary things but one step at a time, in a graded way. Maybe that first step might be going outside for just a few minutes on your own, or going for a walk and just saying hi to whoever passes you by. I'm not sure how big a step that is for you, but in a way this kind of work helps to build your confidence and also leads up to bigger things that might feel out of reach right now. Thinking about the bigger things that you'd like to do might also be helpful as it gives you things to strive for and the type of person you'd like to be.

I hope this helps,

[2Morgs]

Hi Miss Sunshine's,

I'm new to this site and this is my first post but your message really got to me.

I have had for a lot of time, which my family and close friends are aware of, what I call turtle time. Which was very often. I would close myself off from the world completely and isolate myself. Spent a lot of time reading and escaping to better worlds.

I also had that feeling that I wasn't enjoying that life as much as I thought and wanted to reintegrate in to society.

I started off by asking close family members to take walks with me, then built it up to going to sit somewhere for coffees and chatting in public settings until I started feeling comfortable again around strangers as I hadn't realised how anxious I was being in public at all until I wanted to be in the world again. I eventually regained some confidence and started taking each step further until I could be comfortable in social group settings (although I still sometimes feel anxious around a lot of strangers but having someone familiar with me helps as well in those times) but I think I am heading in the right direction to feeling like a "normal" person again.

I hope this helps you and you emerge! Good luck!