My mind turns good feelings into fear

[lostlostlost]

Last night, and really often, I realised how lucky I am to be with my partner. We share an amazing love, he is kind, thoughtful and patient and the only thing I feel utterly sure about in the world is that he loves me unconditionally.

This should be nice, but instead it makes me panic. I think about getting sick and dying and losing this love, not being able to experience it anymore.

I have a health condition that requires me to go to hospital and get checked for cancer every 3 months, which trigger the beginning of the worst of my anxiety. 75% chance that I'll survive another 35 years without incident. I am 29. Even just typing that panicked me. It makes me simultaneously hate my life and long for it.

[white knight]

Hi lll, welcome

I had loss of mind control a long time ago.

I ended up at an occupational therapist who taught me how to recognise when I was being unrealistic then what to do about it.

So seek federal to appropriate therapy via your GP

Tony WK

[BballJ]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forums. I am sorry to hear what you are going through, It must be tough having to face those issues... I can certainly see how anxiety would be triggered through these events, very traumatic, have you seen a psychologist to help you through all of this and dealing with this type of dark cloud (I refer to anxiety as dark clouds as for me, they are temporarily hanging over your head and you have the power to turn them into clear clouds which results in sunshine).

My absolute best for you and your partner.

Jay

[gnomadicmind]

Hello lll

I'm in a reverse situation to you. My partner has cancer and requires tests every three months and many other appts besides. He's much older than me but he's my main stay. Probably unrealistic of me to be so dependent on him but I'm terrified of losing him. I'm terrified of life without him and I can't stop thinking about it. I cry nearly every other day thinking about life without him. I know rationally that I should be enjoying the present and making memories in the now but my mind has other ideas. It's called 'scanxiety' but it's a very real fear that many people have. I don't know what the answer is except to try and live in the moment. Mindfulness has helped me but it hasn't cured me. There are others out there like us if that's any consolation. All the best for your continued good health and happiness!

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi lostlostlost,

Thank you for posting and reaching out.

I don't have cancer, but I have been diagnosed with serious health issues and I have definitely felt that way. For me it was a sense of panic and fear about losing what I had. It sounds like this is pretty similar to what you're going through.

One of the things that helped me was meditation and mindfulness. The concept of this is that it's about bringing us down to the present moment without the 'what if's' that the future may bring. It's about saying 'yep, this is now' and just kind of embracing the moment - everything that we see, smell, feel, eat and hear. There are so many different ways to practice this technique and it's much more than sitting on the floor chanting 'om' - I think that's what a lot of people imagine and it's just not true. I really encourage you to explore this if you're interested.

I am sorry that you have to go to hospital and get checked and it sounds like the reality is that there is a very high chance that life will continue on as per normal. What happens when you are in panic? Are you thinking about the worst-case scenario? In those sorts of situations in can help to really fact-check yourself - if this happens then x happens. I know that it's scary, but the diagnosis is not a sentence - it's a name.

I also echo what the others have said and encourage you to reach out for help if you haven't already.

Hope this helps 🙂

[Mummybee]

Hi Lost Lost Lost

I too have some health issues that give me terribly consuming health anxiety, and one of the triggers is good feelings or feeling lucky.

ive seen a psychologist about this a lot, she has uncovered one source of my irrational thoughts is my skewed perception of how the world works. I see life as having to be fair or equal for people in some way. Things like "what goes around comes around" "karma" and "having a cross to bear" are all things we talk about. My brain tells me, my life is too good, too easy, and hasn't suffered enough heartache, so it constantly tells me "this is going to be your leveller" "here comes your life altering illness" or something similar.

i have a loving husband and two beautiful young children. My husband started his own business 4 years ago and it has been very successful, we have a lovely big new house and I have a new car and my brain tells me I don't deserve it, that I will get sick and not be able to enjoy all the things we are working so hard to have... I have to do a lot of self talk around this!

Perhaps seeing a professional could benefit you too? Or at least help you find the reasoning for your thought patterns?

good luck

mummybee