My Anxiety and My Boss (long post)

[RedRose123]

Over a year ago I finally disclosed to my boss about my anxiety (and depression). And asked for different working hours. (Although not in the same conversation- to make a long story short- I kind of let things out in bits and pieces about my mental health and then came out and said it, then asked to talk to my boss and discussed working different hours). My boss did work out hours that I am quiet happy with (which is really good).

Now the reason for my post...sometimes I wish I hadn't said anything. Even though I think I get a bit more consideration now (sometimes) and I have hours that suit my mental health needs better; I feel- I just don't know how to explain it. My boss asks me lots of things about how I'm going with getting myself help etc and to be honest I just don't want to talk about it. I have tried psychologists and haven't found it helpful and medication and had BAD side effects. And at this point in time just don't want to do any of that. I've gotten really good after years of anxiety and depression of 'managing' my life in a way that I can get by. But I feel as if she doesn't approve of that. Even though I still do my job well. She also asks me things like if that situation made you anxious how would you get through etc, what did you do, what about this. And while it's not an everyday thing or even every week. I'd rather not talk about it unless it is directly related to my job (which it isn't) or I bring it up.

And there is one thing that has weighed heavy on me for a while now. She once said to me that (I'm guessing because of my disclosure about anxiety and depression) that I make her feel like she's got to walk around on eggshells so she doesn't upset me. This did upset me a lot. First of all I worry so much about how I make others feel. Because I never want people to feel the way I feel I feel. I came out and told her so she would understand me more and why I am the way I am etc. I was trying to finally after years and years to help myself. Not trying to make things hard for her. I can't help these illnesses. I wasn't trying to upset anyone. And second it made me feel like she was taking my health issues that I have to fight every single second of the day to get through and making it a thing about how hard it is for her.

Sorry I know it's not a big thing. I just feel like I have opened a 'can of worms' by bringing up in the first place.

Just wanted to vent and talk to someone about it.

Thanks

[Croix]

Dear Red Rose
Welcome to the forums and thank you for having the bravery to set out this very personal part of yourself. – it can seem a big step

Firstly be assured of a warm and understanding welcome. There are many here, all with differing types of experiences, who wish to share and help those in similar situations

It must have been a worrying step to confide in your boss, and no doubt you thought of all the downsides that could happen. From your post it looks like there was an upside in a measure of understanding and the different hours

On the downside are you feelings over your boss’ enquiries, which I personally might find a little intrusive, though to be fair your boss may not know the best way to handle things, maybe not having been in that situation before. As for her walking on eggshells, well while not ideal for her to feel that way, it’s probably better than many reactions

Have you considered setting down your thoughts in a friendly letter or email to her. Perhaps telling her that whilst you appreciate her efforts you prefer not to be reminded of your condition under normal circumstances.

You might think it appropriate to go on to say that you feel that currently you are handling things ok and that you are concerned she feels constrained because of your condition and that you are now robust enough, particularly bearing in mind the new hours, for her to treat it as an issue that should not cause concern

On another note I have been a long term sufferer of stress and anxiety conditions and owe my present semi-stable and much improved state to my GPs and psychiatrist, having found a gradual improvement in treatments and medications over the years. Do you think it might be worth re-visiting professional help – particularly if you can avoid any you were unhappy with?

I’d also like to point out the various help sections dealing with anxiety reachable via our home page

My best wishes

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi RedRose123,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

The age old problem of having a mental health condition and discussing with your work place. The good thing is, it is finally to a degree an acceptable form of illness, you'll still get the occasional person who thinks its a "Just get over it" problem but they are becoming few and far between. Like you, I told my boss about my anxiety this year (Partly because he found out as I had to do a medical for work and they asked about mental health) he, like your boss, asks every now and then (Not as frequent) if i am doing ok and i always say yes, because like you, I don't like discussing it with anyone. I would take Croix advice above and maybe tell your boss you do not like to talk about it too much, and even re-enforce the fact that they don't need to feel like they have to walk on egg-shells around you, I would simply point out and say if you think my mental health is affecting my work then please let me know however if we could please stay away from the subject, it would be much appreciated. Something along those lines and even add, If something comes up I will come to your first as I appreciate all you have done to help me out.... you are being grateful along with setting a boundary for your mental health. If you got the courage to tell your boss about the mental health maybe this isn't too hard either to say.

My best for you,

Jay