misery doesnt like company.

[Miseria_Oizys]

Hi im not new to this, beyond blue had got me out of a very dark place once before due to depression from past trauma and abuse.

Although I managed to avoid my mental health issues I have constant anxiety attacks.

Its been a few years I capped my thoughts and inner feelings inside not feeling safe enough emotionally to express whats going on inside but I recently have been having alot more anxiety attacks where I feel I cant breathe or I suddenly feel like there's a wall of glass in front of me and I feel out of breath at times.

I am known to alot of people to cut connections from groups of people from time to time I will be fairly social one moment and could light up the room but then il wake up one day delete my socials block people trying to communicate who I feel are constantly overwhelming me asking me about my life I don't want to share with them.  I delete photos and cut all access to anybody who questions my sudden ghost mode even if they did nothing wrong.  Its not that I don't purposely do it, in the moment when im feeling down thoughts of negative voices attack me as if someone is controlling my mind not to trust people not to keep in contact.  I have walked away and cut relationships if I feel they try to get more close or I feel anxious of physical intimacy I stay home I raise my son and i choose not to have friends in the same city to save my energy or with little that I have to get through the day.  I just want to sleep.  But thats another battle is not being able to sleep well at night.  Which affects my kid and i barely talk to the ones I live with.  And I use to smoke but I barely can lift a cigarette because how tired I am but restless and always need to clean. When I clean I feel a sense of accomplishment I bond well with animals I take care of.  But I feel I use my pets as a way to avoid my problems and sudden disassociate myself from any human.  Which is why I know seeing a professional will be of no use because I don't want to leave the house I force myself to go to the shops just to buy necessities for my child but im completely in robot mode.. in the shop then out no contact head down and thats a little difficult to cope with when my child is full of life and social. 

My questions is.  What is the best way to deal with my anxiety when im feeling breathless and my chest feels like a weight is on it.  Do I write about it? Or do I take other steps. I just don't believe a doctor can possibly help me at this point.  And I dont want to join social groups or talk to anyone.  I just feel alone.  Even with a room full of people.  They just sound like im underwater listening but not clear.  I read a few posts and I think it makes my anxiety more heavier to deal with feelin sad about other peoples problems with anxiety. And I dont want to burden anybody.  But I hope whoever reads this can feel some sort of comfort that they aint alone.  I wouldn't want anybody to feel like what they are feeling isnt normal  and that they are alone.. or just a way for a family or friend to tell you to  "harden up" 

Maybe these are just lost thoughts and il stop questioning my sanity.

Im sending love and light to those struggling right now.   

[blondguy]

Hello Miseria 

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue family too!

You mentioned "My questions is. What is the best way to deal with my anxiety when im feeling breathless and my chest feels like a weight is on it"

I understand your question (and your post) as your symptoms are atypical for this awful anxiety condition. There are many people on the forums that have experienced your pain/ frustration. 

Just to let you know that I wasted 13 years of my life by thinking I could get over my anxiety on my own... I was so wrong. There are many people on the forums that have experienced what we have.

Just for myself I havent found a quick fix...yet. The best peace of mind came from a community counsellor that had me crying my heart out when he pressed my buttons. I had weeks of peace away from the symptoms you and I both have. I think thats why counsellors have a box of tissues on the small coffee table 

you are not alone at all Miseria. I understand and feel your pain

my kind thoughts

Paul

[GypsyAvalon]

Hi Miseria,

You are not alone, please dont ever think that you are.

Finding the right path to follow is not easy and the fact that you can use this forum as a way of connecting and expressing your thoughts is a good "one for you" moment.

Always reach out when you are struggling even if it means 5 posts a day. There is no judgement.

Blessed Be