Meditation or therapy ?

[Kathy V]

Hi there 

I came to Australia in 2015 because of my Australian partner. 

I am experiencing depression anxiety and severe anxiety since I was 11. Tried some medication but had lots of issues. 

I love my partner He is a good man but I am not giving him a good life, He sees me always angry depressed, suicidal, miserable. 

I found hard living in regional Australia as I was used to a busy city life in Europe. 

I noticed I am getting worse, I experience deep depression in winter, I can't finish anything I start like courses because I can't keep any focus on what I am doing. All my thoughts are going to situation in the past or worries, I worry about my family and past all day long, I can't find peace. Also I am feeling like I am wasting my life and my partner's time, he is a good person and doesn't deserve my swing moods and depression.

He is 67 and still working hard and running his small business, I wish he could have a much better partner than me ..

I am living in a sense of permanent guilt as a family member passed away without any assistance from Me and my family. I was in Australia and we left this family member alone dealing with her physical and mental illness.

Not sure how to turn my life into something nice anymore .... 

I love Australia but my worries and my thoughts are going to my country and I am not able to enjoy life . 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Kathy V,

Welcome to the Forums, and thank you for your brave and open post. It's not easy to share our story, but it can be a really important step towards feeling better.

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and that you feel a lot of pressure to look after those around you. We're really sorry to hear you're struggling with depression, worrying about family and about your partner, and feeling a lot of guilt. That's a lot to have on your plate, so we'd definitely recommend reaching out for some support with this. Hopefuly, we'll hear from the community once someone spots your post. In the meantime, our team will be checking in with you privately, but you can also reach us directly on 1300 22 4636, or online.

If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. If you ever feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero). 

We'd also recommend having a look at the Beyond Now suicide safety planning app. You can even call Lifeline on 13 11 14 and compete it together with one of their counsellors over the phone.

Thanks again for sharing here. We hope this helps you towards getting some support with this, and we hope you can be as kind to yourself as you have been in sharing with the community here. You deserve to feel like your life is nice, and your openness and bravery can be a powerful step towards feeling like that's something you can have again.

Kind regards,

Sophie

[ecomama]

Hi Kathy V and welcome to the forums. 

I hope you can get a lot out of the forums by visiting other threads like the Self Care thread and 3 Things to be Thankful for today thread? 

This is hard, leaving your family overseas to come live in regional Australia! I'm sure it's beautiful where you are but what a massive set of changes. I'd struggle leaving my family and moving there too and I LIVE in Australia. 

You are being very hard on yourself. Hence my suggestions of looking at the other threads. 

You titled your thread "Meditation or Therapy" and they are not separate practices / activities. 
To be sure if you have suicidal thoughts then you absolutely need therapy. You also need LOTS of support. 
You will get online support on the forums but we are not MH professionals. 
SO having US here WITH a therapist would be better. 

And taking care of yourself is paramount. 

If you feel you are wasting your life being where you are, you can always go back home? 
Up to you of course. 

Welcome again
EM

[Petal22]

Hi Kathy V,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

If you lived in your country do you think that what you are currently experiencing would disappear?

With the guilt you are experiencing do you believe it’s fair to yourself to keep carrying this?

Do you believe you can turn your life around?

I believe that if we really want to we can…… it all starts with us and seeking the professional help that we need to recover so we can move forward.

You could have a chat to your gp and explain how your feeling and what you are currently experiencing.

The best thing you can practice is trying to stay in the present moment……. Because this is all we have.

If we constantly worry about our past then this is where we will stay……..

If we are worried for our future then this will bring in our anxiety.

But if we can learn to stay firmly in the present moment this will give you back your power of learning to accept and appreciate the present moment that you are in.