Made a terrible mistake

[RoadToRecovery1001]

For the past week, all I have been thinking about is how foolish I was to change jobs. I have recently started a new role working in a highly technical and complex field. I have zero experience in this area and am struggling to keep up with my colleagues and feel like I'm languishing behind.

While I knew the role would be technical when I applied, I didn't realize the full extent of how technical it was going to be. Unfortunately for me, I'm not one of those people who have a natural knack for understanding technical concepts and problems. Needless to say, I'm not enjoying the work and am not coping well. Every night before work, I'll only average an hour or so of sleep because of stress and will start my day tired and exhausted.

Making matters worse is the fact that I have been in this kind of situation before. I've changed a job previously only to resign a few months latter because I couldn't cope. You would think after an experience like that I would have learned my lesson and come to terms with my limitations. Unfortunately for me, it seems like I never learn

At the time I resigned from my previous job, I did so because I didn't like the irregular hours and the repetitive nature of the work. Despite this, I performed well in the role and got along with my colleagues. With the benefit of hindsight, it was actually a great job and a perfect fit for someone like me with strong anxiety.

With the way I'm feeling at the moment, I'm wanting to contact my former employer to see if I can get my old job back. Although I'm afraid to do this because I think my former manager is sick to death of me and may not be so friendly towards me anymore. I asked him to vouch for me twice for two separate roles and he seemed a bit annoyed the second time when I asked. Also at the time I left, I only gave 1 weeks notice and almost nobody knew I was resigning. I don't think too many people would react positively if I was to suddenly return. Not to mention it would also be quite embarrassing. The place was overstaffed when I resigned so I don't think they are actively looking for anybody new.

Ultimately, this leaves me in a really terrible situation. Stay in a job that I'm not coping in at all and is giving me crippling anxiety everyday or contact an employer who probably doesn't want to hear from me anymore. If anybody out there has been in a similar situation or can offer any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

[lola_1]

Hi RTR,

Your poor thing might I say first and foremost. This is a really hard situation to be in and I speak from personal experience with mine being an almost identical story to yours. Sometimes we believe the grass is greener but unfortunately it’s not always the case.

when I left my job for a new employer I ended up changing jobs twice within a space of a few months. The only saving grace for me was contacting my old boss and asking if they could please be a reference for another job I was applying for. They happend to have an opening when I spoke with my manager but understandably as well she wanted to make sure that she also was not making a wrong decision as she too didn’t want to be embarrassed if I had another brain wave to up and leave within a 2 week period for the “better”.

I know that u felt that they were less inclined to supply you with a second reference for another job but for what it’s worth just reaching out and trying to have a genuine heart to heart with the manager in question could potentially be the best move you ever make. We are all human and sometimes people can be unexpectedly understanding when we least expect them to be. You have nothing to lose if you reach out to them and have a very honest conversation about where things are at with you. It sounds as though you were a valuable employee whilst working with them so we can hope that they can see the potential in having you back as a employee and a part of the team. They may not have a position available right now so be prepared for this but they may highly consider you when an opening comes up knowing that you already have great credentials and are skilled and trained to do the job.

When I went back to my employerI felt guilty also for leaving on bad terms previously but that soon subsided as I had developed a new appreciation for my role and the people at the company. I really hope they give you a second chance, it certainly sounds like you deserve it . And again, don’t ever feel guilty for wanting to see if the grass is greener... we are all human and we all mistakes! Wishing you all the very best

[RoadToRecovery1001]

Hi lola_1,

Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate your supportive and encouraging words. I'm glad to know that things worked out for you with your old employer 🙂 I really hope that my former old employer will be as understanding as yours if I do leave my current job. I'm just dreading having that awkward conversation with my former employer and have my doubts that they will consider taking me back.

Even though I'm absolutely dreading it, I've decided I'll go into work tomorrow and see how things pan out. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep it together and not make it too obvious that my nerves are on a razors edge.

The thing I hate about this new role is the amount scrutiny that I'm subjected to. Management are constantly monitoring everything I do and looking out for mistakes. Not to mention the roles requires numerous assessments to be completed on site at work to ensure we understand and are competent in ours roles. Unless I'm able to study on my own terms, I rarely perform well in these conditions.

Further compounding my fears is the fact that all my colleagues who started with me are performing much better than myself. I feel so incredibly stupid around them. I also get a sinking feeling that they feel the same way about me. Personally, there's nothing I find more uncomfortable than being told how do something and still not being able do it while others are able to do it with ease.

I guess if there is one thing to take away from all this is that I'm never going to subject myself to a difficult experience like this again if I can avoid it. I know its important to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone in order to grow and broaden our horizons. Unfortunately, I just dont feel that I'm one of those people who are capable of doing this. While I hate burning bridges and leaving things suddenly, I'm not sure how else I can cope in this situation given how I feel.

[lola_1]

Hi RSR,

Sorry I haven’t written sooner, been tied up in my own dramas over here also.

How did things go with your employer? I hope well, if not I hope you are doing better now?

Lola

[RoadToRecovery1001]

Hi Lola. I'm sorry to hear about the personal dramas going on in your life. I hope things have improved since you wrote your reply.

I ended up working in the role for another week since that initial post but couldn't handle the constant feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. I quit today. HR didn't take the news too well as they spent a lot of time looking for the right people for the role.

I know this was both wrong and unethical considering I'd only been there for a couple of months, but I just felt completely lost at work. My co-workers would explain things and I just felt like I wasn't understanding concepts properly and was making countless errors.

Making matters worse was how all my colleagues who started with me seemed so competent and confident in their roles. At the end of the day, I feel like a complete fraud! I came across as a confident and smart guy during the interview, but once I got into the job, I soon showed my true colors of incompetency and stupidity. I can only mask my anxiety for so long before my true emotions give way.

I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do. I feel reluctant to contact my former employer because I'm fairly certain they wont want me back as they are overstaffed. Not to mention how incredibly embarrassing it will be for myself.

I have enough money saved for the next 8-10 months or so. I may end up travelling overseas for the next few months. Maybe find some easy work bar-tendering or washing dishes overseas. I'm over my dream of actually forging a successful corporate career. I clearly lack the intelligence required for these roles.

I need to stop fooling myself and accept that I'm destined to a life mediocrity. I've burnt all my bridges. I honestly don't see how I can come back from this.The only thing I'm looking forward to is going to sleep tonight so I can momentarily forget how monumentally I've stuffed up my life.

[jollydolly]

Dear Road,

Go travel, wash dishes, explore. It’s not true; you’re not an incompetent fraud. Anxiety is a bastard. You’ll find the right role. You seem articulate and versatile.

[ohtree]

Hi RTR,

I hope you have been well. I too have constant anxiety with work and understand your feelings here. Trust in your ability and give yourself time to go overseas and reset. There is always a path and you are competent and intelligent - don't let anxiety tell you otherwise.

[therising]

Hi RoadToRecovery1001

Intelligence...hmm. The concept can lead us to both grade and degrade our self. Personally, I'd never been a great fan of this word until I was given a greater education in relation to it.

I recall watching a fascinating documentary on intelligence some years ago. There was a wide variety of participants in regard to the different types of intelligence out there in our world. There was a basketball player, an artist (painter) and I can't exactly remember the rest of the participants but I do remember the message this show had to offer. The definition of intelligence is 'The ability to process information'. Whilst the basketball player's brain could process the information regarding angles, distance and all that stuff required to meet the objective of getting the ball in the net, the artist's brain was able to process the information required to accurately reproduce an image, onto a canvas.

Personally, I know a guy who's successful as an aeronautical engineer. Whilst he's intelligent in his work, he lacks emotional intelligence in my opinion. He has a history of being rude, arrogant and degrading toward others. I'd take an emotionally intelligent compassionate kitchen hand over him any day. By the way, whilst I've experienced a variety of jobs over the years, my current job is as a kitchen hand in an age care environment. When it comes to technical/computer based stuff, I'm not too crash hot when it comes to the ability to process information. Definitely not my cup of tea! I leave that stuff up to my teenage kids.

I believe that accruing enough money to to live off for 8 to 10 months is a display of financial intelligence. Leaving a job that induces incredible stress also shows a great degree of intelligence. I think, when it comes to intelligence, it's important to not put all our eggs in one basket. Perhaps this is where the term 'basket case' comes from. We can go crazy when we become so focused on one thing, especially when it's the one thing that is destroying us.

I hope you have enjoyed some traveling between now and your last post. If you haven't managed to travel yet, I hope you're enjoying making travel plans. Another display of intelligence involves fulfilling our role as 'adventurer', definitely food for the soul.

Take care