Well I bit the bullet and now I’m here. 😊 Unfortunately anxiety/depression is in my genes with even family members taking their life over it, but that was before help was available like it is today. Been off and on the meds most of my life. As of yesterday I was off them for 5 months and life was bloody fantastic. Then 3 weeks ago I started to feel flat again but brushed it off by ignoring it. That didn’t work and it looked like it suddenly had me by the throat again, damn.
At work yesterday (a 12 hour shift) it got the better of me. I was spiraling out of control, this was the worse I’ve ever felt in my life. What an overwhelming sickening feeling, this feeling has been with me for about a week now, but yesterday it was so intense that I thought I was going to collapse. I left work by saying I had a mini family crisis at home and luckily there was a medical clinic open on a Sunday. My family doctor has been away for 2 months but explained everything to this new doctor. He has put me back on the meds and given me a week off.
Because of this being my third or fourth relapse with depression/anxiety, it looks like now I will have to stay on the meds for the rest of my life. Problem is I’m going to have to wait a few weeks before they kick in. My current mixed feelings are overwhelming. Guilt for taking time off work again, the continuing feeling of nausea, anxiety levels peaking all the time, uncontrollable tears, zero sleep and dreading the day ahead of me. I truely hope it gets better from here as these feelings are extremely intense and impossible to cope with.
