Long term unsolved anxiety

[kaityo1]

Hi,

Since early childhood I have suffered with a speech disorder (stutter) which left me to develop low confidence, self esteem and to become quite harsh towards myself due to the frustration of not being able to speak properly to people or in front of crowds. After years of being told by family and teachers that there is 'nothing wrong with me' and what I'm going through is 'normal' and 'will disappear over time', I was convinced of this and never sought help. Now, in my early 20's, this unsolved anxiety has caused a domino effect of issues such as possessing low self confidence, OCD and a fear of interaction and making mistakes. Because of this, it has affected my mental health greatly and many job opportunities for me. I am unable to get past job interview stages due to my lack of confidence and I am too fearful to take on any further opportunities as verbal communication is important in any job and I won't be able to do it. What steps should I take to improve this?

I am thankful for any advice.

[White_Rose]

Hello Kaityo

Welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a good place to talk about the kinds of difficulties you are experiencing. I am sad no one helped you with your stuttering as I believe a speech therapist would have been able to help when you were a child. However this did not happen and you are finding it difficult to manage your life so we need to move on.

I would suggest you find a speech therapist and make an appointment. They are very good at helping people with speech problems. I know that now this is only part of the problem but I believe if you regained your confidence when speaking there would be a knock on effect with your other fears and having conversations with strangers.

I also suggest you go and see your GP. Firstly because he/she will know the best speech therapists in your area and secondly to talk about the other problems in your life. Have you been diagnosed by a professional medical person as having OCD? If so I would have thought you would be pointed to a speech therapist and perhaps counselling for your lack of confidence. Not knowing this makes me a bit limited in my suggestions.

Can you tell me if you have been treated for OCD and the outcome. Please continue to write in.

Mary

[expedimus]

hi kaityo

Something I noticed in your post was the language you used. I could imagine you might use these thoughts on yourself which would lead to a style of thinking that wouldnt help you. What I have learnt is that its easy to stack up negative experiences. I think in terms of self thoughts it is good to really question your thoughts and beliefs about yourself because they could be biased. This is something we all do. In order to help I think you should question some of these beliefs.

For example, there may have been a time you can remember where you felt you couldnt speak properly in front of a crowd. Do you really know that everyone in the crowd didnt understand? It probably isnt as bad as you feel it is.

However, do many of us speak well in front of a crowd? You may think others do but internally they have their own insecurities, it might not be stutter but other things.
Did you know most of communication is non-verbal? i.e. How you stand, eye contact, gestures. Look up some non-verbal communication techniques and really master these. Your confidence will build when you notice people responding and they will become more interested in what you have to say.

Is this really affecting job opportunities? Whenever I go for a job interview if im unsuccessful I never really find out why I didnt get the job. Perhaps you are assuming its the communication but it might not be. Also if due to some lack of success you may be holding back out of fear of rejecetion but sometimes it takes many attempts to get a job because it can be a case of right place right time. Dont be discouaged by setbacks.

Is verbal communication important in any job? Ive been working for over 15 years and I have not found this statement to be true. Verbal is not the only communication used.

If you can start to train yourself to question these ideas it will help you make positive changes that will help you. This different style of thinking is commonly called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). A therapist can help you with this or there are resources out there that can help you self guide but remember with self guide its your self thoughts youre trying to change so sometimes you need objective views of others, but you can use things like this forum also. I belive will start to reverse the domino effect you are feeling.

Keep working on yourself and never give up!

[kaityo1]

Hi Mary, thank you for your advice.

I probably used the wrong wording.. I've been showing quite obvious OCD symptoms such as constant mental checking, repetitive actions in order for my mind to be satisfied and unwanted thoughts. But unfortunately I haven't had the confidence to inform the above to my GP for a diagnosis.

[White_Rose]

Hello Kaityo

Thanks for your reply. I know how hard it can be to talk to your GP about illnesses like OCD. You may well be right in your interpretation of your symptoms, I don't know. I do know these sorts of things will not go away by themselves.

A suggestion I give to others who find it difficult to talk about a particular problem is to write down what you want to say. "I wonder if I have OCD because of these symptoms." Then list the symptoms. Your GP will take the conversation from there and all you have to do is answer. There is a possibility you may be wrong and what you are experiencing may turn out to be a variation on depression.

Can you make the effort, call up all your courage etc and make the appointment, remembering to take the list. Are any of the other suggestions useful to you?

Mary