Long term social anxiety and series of events

[Minxy]

Hi everyone,
Recently came back onto the forums after a hiatus and being focused on uni and irl things. And due to finally finding the password, though I have been using Beyond Blue and MIND recently.

Primarily focusing on my anxiety and dealing with HF Autism (Formally Asperger's Syndrome) I have also been dealing with depression and helplessness due to myself often refusing to ask for help due to experiences with social workers. I'm also have social anxiety as well has having issues understanding people. And my experiences below didn't help.

Basically I recently moved out of my old place due to dealing with the toxicity from my father due to financial and mental abuse, the former primarily due to heavily relying on me repeating units in order to rely on DSP to help pay off the bills. I was paying off mostly his and my bills, including a few electricity bills reaching the thousands due to the place being daisy-chained by a local electrician. As a result lead to constant power cuts that lasted for months, which has also affected my ability to study with already poor reception in the area being remote. On top of constant burnout and thinking I was never going to go anywhere in life. I reached out for Beyond Blue for help, which then later referred me to MIND, they gave me advice to move out and provided some support during and post-moving.  Eventually I moved out in early 2021, with a help of a friend I met online, though I had very limited funds due to having tough time saving up what I can. Stayed at their place until their landlord wanted to evict me due to "not allowing couples", which both the friend and myself were not. I eventually moved into another place, with issues with the landlord there due to not allowing those on rent assist/DSP. I also had dealt with a toxic housemate being overly aggressive about everything I was doing, despite literately minding my own business and focusing on studies, which I tried to communicate but it turns out there was none to begin with. I asked for advice to one of the MIND social workers I was talking with for a while (which ended due to contract), and they also advised me to find a place. I looked around my area via Flatmates, Domain, Facebook and Gumtree. Many places do not accept those on rent assist and some disabled-friendly places don't see me as disabled. I'm basically in a tight situation, especially that I'll be finishing my course soon but also unsure how I able to find a job.

[Minxy]

Hi everyone,

I've been on and off here around 2013-2014, but abandoned it on due to various events including my university studies and other things in life. I have HF Autism (formerly Asperger's Syndrome) and suffer greatly with social anxiety to the point it makes it difficult to find work in person or remotely and making it uncertain if I'm able to cope in a ruthless society. And even as an adult, I still feel like I barely changed at all aside from being able to write decently as possible at 22. Now 29. 

Had a bit of a roller coaster with family issues, moving out, dealing with toxic landlords/housemates and dealing with mental and financial issues. And also finding it even more uncertain if my time spent in university was a waste of time, which I'm currently studying Bachelor of IT but spent way to long in it that the information I learned is considered outdated now. That's a rabbit hole on it's own.

I had experiences with with accessing mental services and talking with social workers before, including ones from MIND and a couple of local ones. Some helped me with moving, but others barely help with other issues due to most of them not wanting to hear life stories. I get it, they're people too and no one wants to hear an auto-biography. I also get that were all not special, but each of us deal with our issues differently.

This is also one of the reasons why I refuse to ask for help majority of the time due to to this as well as trying solutions that work, but often result it being short term or makes a situation worse. Yet, I came back also to observe and hopefully take advice without being seen as nihilistic.
Sorry for the ramble, and thank you for reading.

[QuietOak]

Hi Minxy, I feel I can relate to a lot in your post. I've recently been reading about complex trauma which has given me insight but I'm struggling to know what to do with it due to the social anxiety/isolation. The next thing I'm going to try are some writing exercises. I too would like to find that space online where you can share your history and chat through things in depth. 

What is the most recent thing you've tried which you feel has worked?

[Minxy]

Hi QuietOak,
As in relation to social anxiety/isolation? Or how I'm dealing after all what I've gone through?
If it's the former question I normally do my hobbies, which ironically doesn't help as it only adds to procrastination/demotivation with uni. Other times I write daily notes in a journal, sometimes hard if I had a breakdown, and note basically health status, current events and mind rambles. If I have to go out in public, I only do it out for necessary things like e.g. groceries or gym. I avoid social gatherings in general.

I tend to isolate myself a lot as I find it peaceful and how I was always been used to my whole life, and only occasionally use platforms such as Discord, Messenger, Email or SMS as a form of communication. I do not like being within presence of other people unless I need something like e.g. use the kitchen, bathroom, or to get out of the house for above necessaries. Most of my strategies have mostly been avoidance from social based integrations and issues that worked for me, but also backfired in some cases due to some people I deal/live with get annoyed by this and being a full time student that's on welfare didn't help at all.

If you meant the latter question, I honestly don't know.

[Bob_22]

Hi Minxy,

Welcome back to the forums and thank you for sharing your story. You must be incredibly resilient based off what I read. I'm sorry about your job and home situation. It sounds like it must a be a very uncertain time for you. I am currently squatting with parents and have always rented at places I know so unfortunately I do not have much expertise in the apartment hunting space. I am also job hunting at the moment so am not best qualified for that either haha. I just wanted to post to thank you for bravely sharing your story and to let you know that you're not alone.  Best of luck with your studies coming to a close soon. Please keep us updated on how you're going. Hopefully in the near future we will be both be employed and in stable accommodation. 💙

Bob

[Melo-mareep]

Agree with bob_22!

You really have taken a big leap to leave home and it would have been really hard to make this decision. You sound like you have always kept striving forward despite everything you have been through. 

It can be difficult when your disability seems invisible to others. Especially when you are high functioning. I don't know much about DSP accommodation in VIC as I live in NSW. But do you have DSP Centrelink provider you can engage to get more information with this? If you do want to house-share this is another option and you are on the right path through Flatmates. But for many of my friends this has only been a short term solution and often they had problems with others paying the rent, their habits, sleeping times and some that weren't co-renting (their name wasn't on the lease) were being over charged as sub-renter.... one of my friends of mine ended up looking after their flatmates cat and paying their vet bills when it got injured because they weren't taking it to the VET, the same friend I helped move house 4-5 times in 1.5 years, she also had a serious problem with her toilet that i helped her unclog 😂 because she was sub-renting & the person on the rental agreement didnt contact real estate to fix it. If you do go this path make sure to interview with a couple households first & set the ground rules for rent payment, bills, chores, etc whether you know the person or not. 

What are you studying? Are you at university, TAFE, College or training organisation? Usually while you study there are job boards that these organisations have that are worth applying for as many organisations are taking on graduates if not Linkedin & Seek would be a good way to start looking. Start drafting a resume & cover letter.  If your time is limited go straight to using a template.

Grad Australia has a good resume template aimed at those who just finished studying.

UTS (university of technology, sydney) references the muse templates for cover letters.

Good luck I hope you can get more counselling / psych sessions to help you along your path, take care. 🌻

[Mark Z.]

Hi Minxy,

Thank you for sharing your story. And I'm so sorry for your challenge.

If you do love what you're learning (bachelor of IT), I would suggest you to complete your degree. Yes it maybe a bit outdated, as IT industry is developing very fast. But the outcome is that you have a formal degree that is helpful for your to find a better job. And you will enhance your technique of self-learning for the future. You have to have something you're very good at. As you have certain level of social anxiety, working in IT industry is actually a good idea, as it usually requires less social skills and more technical skills. 

Mark

[Minxy]

Hi Melo-mareep and Bob_22,
I'm currently studying Bachelor of IT via Open Universities since 2018, sub-branch is RMIT with a bit of Curtin units for electives. Its only a 3.5 year course but went up to 5.5 years due to repeating units and withdraws. Grades are a bit of mix of credits, passes and fails, but I'm not the smartest in programming in general. Even then, what I learned is considered "irrelevant" and doesn't help when fetching data that's more than 3+ years is also considered void on Open Universities systems. As far as I go in my course I'm very uncertain to finish it due to constant failures, despite being in my "final year", and may have considered dropping out but I spent so long in it that it would feel like a waste of years on nothing. I know it's all my fault for failing constantly and it's still effects me.

Finding accommodation is not the best, especially in FNQ where finding rentals have very strict requirements. Most refuse to sign documents, especially for rent assistance, and real estate agents are also very inconsistent with their requirements and even were quick to change their decisions. Going back to my old place is not an option due to dealing with toxic family members. Again, I had previous housemates who were toxic due to lack of communication and due to the fact I was mostly at home all the time despite studying online full time. Lately it's been more peaceful, but I know it's not gonna last long. There are DSP providers in my area. However, due to how tough the system is and many policy changes I may not be able to get DSP accommodation due to the fact that I look "fine" according to their system.

As for my resume, I don't have much to provide aside from finishing highschool, outdated TAFE certificates and a previous undergraduate course that I regretted doing, but completed successfully. I also have huge gaps in years, especially my IT course which will not look good on my part and have a bit of explaining to do. I really screwed myself over.

[Bob_22]

Hi Minxy,

Thanks for the update. Sorry to hear that the hunt for accomodation and work isn't going well. But please don't feel discouraged. I know many people (myself included) who leave huge gaps in their resumes but are still highly employable. I know these days most employers are looking for experience but that is their loss in doing so and I'm sure that recruiters will change their ways in the near future. I hope you are able to finish your course as it sounds like you have dedicated a lot to make it to the final year. You certainly have alot going on but I'm sure that your hard work now will pay off shortly. Hope this helps. 💙

Bob

[Minxy]

Hi everyone,

Just came back for a quick update. Still looking for accommodation as of lately, and still not much luck. Had a few results and further discussions, but they quickly rejected the moment I mentioned rent assistance or that I'm just a full time student and not working. Had one even told me to leave shortly after I said who I was despite confirming who I was to them. No explanation why or anything.

Almost finished my course, however there are many issues due to previous units being obsolete and/or not the best. So I have to see how that goes, but doesn't change the outcome to another issue. Especially with ChatGPT and many other AI-like systems in place that may make my skill obsolete, especially with low-level programming, the same that it did with art that I gave up a while ago (that one is another story of it's own). You can call me a luddite, but I feel like it's becoming a vicious cycle of reskilling and automation forever if I decide to study again (and a huge HECS-HELP debt). I had asked a couple of friends about this and they were all like "Just upskill or reskill lmao" or "Welcome to being a human, where businesses and companies hate people/unions, it's a game of survival until automation". These are true, but personally I feel that I can't keep up or can't reskill quickly enough to catch up. I'm mentally tired.

As for finding a side job that's not my interest, that's also being hard due to having severe social anxiety and working with people has not being the best experience. And from previous experienced of being bullied in the past and the recent toxicity with my housemates (and several failures of standing up for myself), I don't know how that will go.