Lonely

[aidavrich]

I'm not sure if this is the right thread for this but anyway. I more or less just wanted to voice my thoughts and see if someone could help me on this matter because I feel stuck. For the past few years or so I've been a very lonely person, I don't have anyone to talk to at all and the last time someone messaged me on any kind of social media is around six weeks ago and I just want people to talk to. The thing is, I suck at conversation so that's probably part of the reason no one wants to talk to me. I honestly just feel like the odd one out and I wasn't expecting my teenage years to be like this, and I'm almost 16. I never have anyone to talk to on social media or anyone to hang out with, partly because I dont like doing stuff with people. I see all these kids at on their phones constantly talking to people with notifications probably blowing up their phone, I've never experienced that and probably never will, which honestly sucks so much. This is probably also I bit silly of a thing to say but everyone I know has at least over 300 followers all the way up to like 3,000 and here I am with 106 followers. I used to have around 200 but I noticed it started to go down because people were just losing interest in me. I'm not surprised either because I never post anything because I'm insecure about myself and think I would get judged, even when I do, I get no comments and barely any likes. I just honestly don't know how to get out of this situation, I'm just so lonely and wish I had people to talk to.

[Riseabovethedark]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I totally get feeling lonely or like you don’t belong. In high school I hung out with a lot of other kids, but being shy meant that I never really spoke much. I felt like I didn’t have anything to contribute that my friends would find interesting so I just didn’t talk much. Being a teenager is hard and I imagine social media is probably only creating more issues.

The thing with social media is that although it seems like it’s bringing people together, it’s also not all real. By that, I mean that those people with thousands of followers or “friends” on Facebook or Instagram, more than likely don’t know most of those people. It’s not a real connection so you don’t get any sort of lasting social benefits from it.

I know it’s hard not to compare yourself to others your age, i’ve done that too many times, but sometimes you just have to remember that everyone is different and that doesn’t make you lesser. There’s also probably lots of other kids who feel the same as you. Everyone just wants to fit in and belong.

I would suggest trying to spend time in real life, with one or two people you like or have something in common with. Even if it’s just going talking about a book you’re reading or going to the movies. Then you’ll have something to chat about.

I hope that helps a little. 🙂

[SaltedMalt]

I feel what you are saying. I am 30 and i have literally got only 2 friends which i am very thankful for. Social media is a big fraud TBH but i also understand how big an impact it can have on your life as it is very easy to compare with others. Its very hard to make friends now and even when you think you found a friend they tend to be some hack in disguise who became your friend for some benefit l. But just dont loose hope.. you have a long life ahead of you and once you enter the working world you will quickly find that friends are overrated anyways.. this week was pretty awful for me... i lost my job i became broke and finally i got rejected by this girl i like.. my friends were there but they didnt help me much so take it from me friends are overrated... anyways dont think about it too much just try to go out there to the world and see what you can find

[aidavrich]

Riseabovethedark - Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I do have one really good friend at school and we hang out every break, but we barely ever hang outside of school. I try my hardest to not compare myself to other people but thats really difficult sometimes, especially since I do have a disability. I feel the same way when I talk to other people aswell, feeling like I contribute nothing to the conversation so most of the time I just sit there and listen. I'll try and take/use the advice you given me as best as possible.

SaltedMalt - I'm sorry to hear what happened, that must suck. I guess what I've realised with your message is that it's better to have one or two close friends instead of like twenty fake friends. I totally relate to most of what you're saying, and it's nice to know I'm not alone in this situation. I'm trying my hardest constantly to not lose hope even though that can be hard at times. I hope you try and stay positive through what your going through and that there's some kind of sliver lining to it. I went through around nine months of depression last year because of a girl, so I kinda understand how it must feel. I really do wish you luck and that something good will come out of it soon.

[GlennMaxi24]

Hi there! I totally understand where your coming from. In the past, especially during my school years, I was a pretty shy lonely kid who didn't have many friends. In recent years I've slowly learned to open up, be more confident in myself and reach out to people. What you've said about comparing yourself to others is perfectly normal - everyone does it in one way or another. It's something that I used to (and still sometimes do) struggle with. For me, I found that changing my mindset to focusing on myself helped a tonne. It helps to realise that everyone lives different lives and works through things at their own pace, so the best thing you can do is focus on your life and what small changes you can make to make a difference. Are there any clubs/communities you can get involved in based on your hobbies/interests? Are there any activities you could do with family/friends that are of common interest? If you feel like your not great at conversations, perhaps try build your confidence through small things like talking to a shop assistant.

There was definitely a time I wanted to be that person with a zillion friends, but I slowly realised that wasn't who I was or who I wanted to be. I think that was the biggest mindset change which allowed me to finally love myself, and from there connect with other people.