Left my job due to anxiety

[BlackCat90]

Hi guys,

This is my first post. I've been battling anxiety for about 9 years now. I'd thought that I really turned a corner when I finally got through my teaching degree and landed a job at the school of my dreams last year. I had a great time there last year but this year it just never felt right. There was a change to the leadership which brought a lot of changes to the school and our workload. I initially thought 'I love the kids, I'm happy to have a job and I can make this work'. I ended up being miserable though. I suffered insomnia, felt sick driving to work and always felt edgy/anxious while I was there. I got to breaking point and decided to take some time off to get better with the hope to go back. Today I made the decision to resign as I don't want to risk further damage to my mental health. I swing from feeling enormously relieved about this decision to feeling terrified and just wanting to hide under the doona. My family have been supportive but none of them have been through this. I guess I'm feeling a bit alone at the moment and was wondering if anyone else has had this kind of experience? I'm finding it hard to see how things are going to work out. I'm hoping it will be for the best because I'm putting my self and my health first but I'm just having a tough time coming to terms with my decision.

Thanks!

[White_Rose]

Dear Black Cat

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. This is the place to talk about your fears and frustrations and we will try to answer you.

It's sad that you feel you must resign from your job because of your anxiety. Do you take any medication or see a counsellor? I wonder if that would help you at all. Have a chat to your GP about all this.

It's better that you take time off to get well than to continue and end up falling in a heap. Just sad that you felt you had to resign. However, you know yourself best.

Can you tell us about the changes? It's usually the case with new leadership that the organisation changes. And in a relatively small organisation like a school the changes have a greater and more direct effect. One piece of advice I was given is to listen to your body. Your body knows what it wants and has stored up all your experiences as you grew up. Listen to what your body is saying and trust yourself. I think you know you are doing the right thing but like all of us we worry about the potential outcome.

I think you need to be clear about whether it is teaching you want to leave or just that school. These days it seems that just about every school has problems of some sort, many of them being brought into the school by the pupils. So if I may suggest, check with yourself which part you want to leave. This is where as counsellor or psychologist could help.

Hiding under the doona is a great idea at times, just not for too long. I know that feeling of wanting to make a decision but being a little afraid of making the wrong decision. When we make up our minds we feel a huge relief, that is until we start second guessing ourselves. Does your family feel you are doing the best thing? I see you have a supportive family which is great. Is there anyone you can sit down and go through the pros and cons. Not someone who wants to tell you what to do, but someone who will listen.

I invariably suggest going to see your GP and get a general check up as well as talk about work. GPs are generally good at this and can prescribe medication if that is appropriate or refer you to a counsellor.

Please continue to write in here and talk about about whatever you wish. We will be here.

Mary

[BlackCat90]

Hi Mary,

thanks for your response. I guess the major changes were that I felt like the support I was getting last year was pulled out from under me (after only teaching for 6 months). I've asked for help repeatedly on things that have challenged me like behaviour management but there was never any follow through. The classroom I was in was a portable divided into 3 spaces for 3 classes and we were constantly testing and assessing our kids so had little time to bond with them.

I felt very disappointed in how things had turned out this year and after having a few weeks off due to severe stress and anxiety was offered no support for my return. I felt like going back and taking everything back on at once would be really bad for my recovery.

I see a great psych and am on medication too which has helped quite a bit. Last time I spoke to him he asked if I thought my gut was telling me something as I felt terrified about going back.

I really really love teaching but I think all the other things that went on at school got me down and I was caught up in the negativity (staff morale has been very low). When I'm feeling a little better I want to do some relief teaching just to make sure it's still the right career for me. I just want to have fun teaching again because I really wasn't at that school.

My family has been really supportive of me because they had seen how much I was declining. We're just all devastated that it didn't work out because that school was a great fit for me last year. The kids there are beautiful and were probably the only reason I tried hanging in there for so long.

[BballJ]

Hi BlackCat90,

Sorry to read what you are going through. I think the decision was a very brave one to be honest... looking after our health (physical and mental) is such a big priority and I actually think it is great not only for yourself but for the kids you teach too... you want to be able to give them 100% and if you aren't feeling well, then you never fully can - not saying you were not trying or didn't give 100% but just simply saying it is tough to give 100% when we are not well. I believe teaching is for you by what you are saying because you do seem to have a passion for it. I like the fact you will start with relief teaching to double check it is the right career for you. I don't think teaching has stressed you out from what you have told me, it seems more to be the workload increasing, which I hear from a lot of teachers. Maybe a school change is necessary too, one you also supports their teachers and their mental health.

It's great your family is supportive and that you are seeing a psych and on medication, you are doing all the right things to be on your way to recovery and that is all anyone can ask of you.

My best for you,

Jay

[BlackCat90]

Thank you Jay,

I think a change of school down the track should help. I definitely felt like I wasn't 100% in the classroom- I just wasn't enjoying it because I felt stressed all the time. My decision is sitting a little better with me today. Yesterday I felt really awful.

[White_Rose]

Hello Black Cat

I can see how you felt so down after the first year of teaching, such a disappointment. It's interesting you intend to do relief teaching for a while. I know various teachers who do or have done relief work. They can decide whether or not to take that school, which I think would be helpful. They have fewer out of school hours responsibilities, also a bonus. On the down side, they are often not given a lesson plan and do know how far along the class is in its work. Still it's a good way to decide if you still want to teach.

I think it's good you are seeing a psych for your stress. And if you get on with him all the better. I can relate to your tummy telling you something is not right. After many years I have finally learned to listen, well a bit anyway. By the way I love your avatar. Now there's positive thinking.

A new start at a new school is a good goal to aim for. Once you have reduced your anxiety you can go back to the job you love. Remember we are always here to talk and listen.

Mary

[Homemaker_Rae]

Hi BlackCat90, welcome to the forums. I am new too.

I can relate to your post. I am in a situation where I am very close to leaving my job because I haven't been coping. I have anxiety and have had depression. I work part-time, but have found it so difficult coping with many changes in my workplace and getting quite behind in my work. I have been awake at night, almost in a panic about it.

I see a psychologist regularly and am on medication. Both of which I have found helpful.

I wish you all the best. With warm regards, Homemaker Rae.

[extripated]

Black cat. Thank you for posting. I am also a teacher in rural setting and looking at making the very same decision to consider putting my mental health first. I am so scared. But thank you for letting others like me know that we are not alone.

[BlackCat90]

Thank you Mary,

Its such a let down because having my own class had been my dream after finishing uni - it wasn't even about the money, I was just looking forward to the experience. I feel like I got out before it took more of a toll on me and I don't regret the decision. I guess I'm almost grieving for what I wished had been. It's been hard to get out of my own head. I'm not sure when to start looking for CRT work but also don't want to spend the next few weeks feeling so crappy and aimless.

[BlackCat90]

Hi Extripated,

thank you for your post too! I've been feeling pretty alone - people don't seem to be very open about these kinds of experiences outside of the forum. I hope you're ok, let me know how you go and stay in touch. It's good to have someone to relate to.