Hi bblu
Please try not to be too hard on yourself while you're facing this challenge with your friend. I think once you're able to make better sense of it all, it'll begin to change the way you see yourself and maybe even her. Until then, my heart goes out to you as you face this particular struggle amongst other struggles (including the financial one).
I've found that money is nothing more than a provider of certain opportunities. The more of it you have, the more opportunities you have. If you have enough of it, in a basic sense, there's the opportunity to keep the gas, water and electricity on. A warm shower can feel like a blessing in this case. If there's not enough money with which to have the opportunity of buying a week's worth of groceries, a financial windfall can provide the opportunity for groceries and a joyful treat of takeaway. So, it can be about the opportunity to experience certain high end emotions too, such as with joy, excitement, relief etc. The low end part of the emotional spectrum would include stuff like stress, worry, fear, longing etc. It can be easy to be on an almost constant high when you've got plenty of money. With any type of high comes confidence, a carefree attitude and more.
When you speak of not being able to reach the same level as your friend, it leads me to think of those who suffer from a sudden loss of financial opportunity. While I've witnessed those who have developed resilience, stress management strategies, outside the square ways of thinking and more when it comes to managing great financial challenge (in the lead up to gain), I've also me people who come from money and have suddenly lost it all. They tend to completely fall apart. They have never had to learn or develop certain skills in resilience, stress management and so on. With financial privilege can come a lack of certain life skills, skills you're in the process of developing. If your friend suddenly lost it all, you may become her support and teacher in regard to teaching her how to manage, not just financially but emotionally too.
I'm wondering whether you've spoken to a uni counselor about trying to manage such extreme financial hardship. I've found that guides are a must at certain times in life. It can be hard to establish a positive sense of direction without some form of guide.
