Just broke free from rude friend and I still feel bad

[waffle_puppy]

Recently, I have left my old friend who would constantly hit me, try to twist my arm (which hurt a lot to the point I was crying) and constantly slapped labels on me and called me inappropriate slurs and they damaged my MacBook which was recently bought in December 2024. They've also been making me feel constantly degraded and upset because I felt compared to their other friends online. I felt like I can't entertain or make them feel happy. I've gifted them vinyls, gave them my food, and this is all I get in return. They keep giving me gifts and tell me to stay. I don't want to, and after a discussion with my media teacher, I finally let go and rejoiced with another friend of mine. She is so much nicer, and she doesn't hurt or call me slurs unlike them. I felt so uncomfortable and bored of listening to my friend talk about one thing. If I didn't agree, they'd call me slurs and hit me, or put paper inside my glasses to the point where I can't see anything for a moment, so I get extremely annoyed and I take off my glasses. To them, hurting me and damaging my new MacBook is extremely funny. To me, it isn't. I've had enough. Then I feel worthless compared to their online friends, as they show me how much they care about them. I care, and I feel worthless now. I don't want to care, and I've let go. Now they make me feel extremely guilty to the point where I want to cry so much because of this. I've told my mother and father this and all I get as a response is yelling. I just want to be understood 😦 and despite this, I don't know what to do. Today, I saw them crying in front of me, which made me feel insanely bad. But do I want to go back to this? I surely don't. My wrists and my body hurts so much from all this and they keep saying "Oh you act like I abuse you everyday. Shut up already!" in front of everyone to see inside school. I want this to stop and I feel so heartbroken and empty now. At least I have my old friend. What can I do? 😢

[Croix]

Dear Waffle_Puppy~

Welcome here to the Forum, a friendly place where everyone here has had hard times, something that makes them want to help others. Life has handed you a difficult situation but you are coping well, seeking good advice and following it. That's wisdom.

I'd have to say the people you had been calling friends sound a pretty horrible bunch. You on hte other hand sound a friendly person with empathy for others, and not someone who plays cruel jokes. I  get the feeling you were kept in their group because you were an easy target for their silly games.

You put up wiht a lot, including being physically hurt and in doing so did not realise how much better a person you were than them. I think the Mac Book damage was an excellent example, to them a big joke, to you a serious problem that if you need to fix it costs a lot (Mac Books are lovely machines but are expensive:(

They sound skilled in pushing you buttons, making you feel guilty and have less self regard. People like that are toxic and need to be avoided. No amount of gifts from you to them or them to you will change that.

I once gave a prize I'd won which meant a lot to me to someone as a gesture of friendship. It was discarded shortly after and its value to me not cared about in the slightest. It showed me the true character of that person.

Letting go was a wise move, it would have been difficult and I'm sorry your parents did not give you support and encouragement . Maybe they never had friendship problems in thier lives. Yelling at you when you have difficulties must make you feel unloved or maybe less important, at least a bit. Some parents don't realise the power they have and how a thing they do wrong can have big effects even though they might think it unimportant. 

I'm glad you trusted your media teacher and received very good advice. You now have less  so-called "friends" but do have someone much nicer to share friendship with.

In future the best strategy when they do something cruel or try to humiliate you is to see them for what they are  as it happens - toxic children that need to grow up and develop kindness as well.

If you want someone to talk it over with I'd suggest the Kids Help Line (1800551800) who are very understanding and experienced. BTW their web-chat is not as good as a phone call, even though it might seem easier it has too long a waiting period and the chats are much shorter. 

I hope things will be better now. You know you will always be welcome here

Croix

[therising]

Hi waffle_puppy

What we feel and how we act can tell us a lot about who we are. As we start to wake up to who we are, gradually bit by bit, we can be quite surprised and even amazed by who we really are. To offer some examples, you could say

• When I am feeling lost, I seek guidance. I am an active seeker, not someone who is happy to sit back and remain lost. This is who I am
• When I am feeling what degradation feels like, I question my grade and how I am graded by others. I am a questioner, on a quest to find my true value. This is who I am
• When I am hurt and/or dismissed by others, I feel the hurt and dismissiveness. I am a feeler who can feel both hurt and other people's lack of focus or attentiveness. This is who I am
• When someone cries, I sense the need for compassion (whether compassion is warranted or not). When I sense relief and the best way forward, it is worth celebrating. When I sense someone bringing me down, instead of raising me, I sense a downward shift within me. When I sense good advice, it has a positive impact on me. I am sensitive, with the ability to sense (a super power not everyone has). This is who I am

and the amazing list of who you are continues.

I can't help but wonder whether your media teacher is sensitive to some degree. They could sense what your parents can't, the need for guidance. Wondering whether your good friend is sensitive too, sensing the need to celebrate with you and feel your happiness and relief.

You mention 'and after a discussion with my media teacher, I finally let go and rejoiced'. Letting go is so important when it comes to discovering who we truly are. Letting go of an abusive relationship can show us that we're someone who thrives on a lack of abuse. Letting go of certain beliefs we have about ourself can lead us to thrive beyond those old and false beliefs. Letting go of the idea that we need to manage our challenges by our self, without help, means we can come to thrive on constructive forms of guidance from others. Letting go of those who bring us down in a number of ways leads us to thrive on the relationships we have with those who raise us. Btw, I've found it's so important to not only be aware of those who bring us down but those who keep us down also (based on us being down suiting them). Our low self esteem, level of self doubt, lack of self love and self acceptance can suit or serve others while we can continue to suffer through such things. We gotta seriously question such people, whether in our head or out loud.

Keep on raising yourself, you're doing a truly amazing job of coming to know yourself. 🙂

[Damian]

True friends don't hurt or abuse you, at least not intentionally. Some people have to have an emotional punchbag to put down all the time so that there is someone worse off than themself, or so they think. When challenged or ignored, they often play the victim and so get the attention they crave so much, and respond by criticising.

Sometimes you have to walk away from such people to protect yourself. There's nothing wrong in that, and you shouldn't feel bad for finally standing your ground. Walking away takes a lot of strength and maturity. As for your parents, well, I don't know them so I won't judge. What I will add is that sometimes when adults get angry, it's because they simply don't know how to respond. I see that someone has recommended Kids Helpline. I'll second that.

Look after yourself.