Intrusive thoughts, worry about my son dying, how can I stop this?

[Muggles]

Hi, this is my first post here... I have had anxiety for my whole life I think and have gone through many patches of depression. I'm currently on medication and I want off it but I can't seem to do that right now. I have a 1.5year old son and I am finding my anxiety is so enormous lately and I'm so tired of it. At the moment, everything revolves around being scared of bad things happening. Eg my brain finds a way to turn every thought or experience into a story about my death or my son's death. And my body and mind feel like they're truly experiencing it. It's almost like I go into this other world where it's really happening and I feel what I would feel (to some extent). It's constant. Today at work I kept imagining random things like my partner calling to tell me my son is dead, having to do cpr on my mum, people around me hating and accidentally messaging me a bitchy comment about me instead of a colleague, choking, falling down the stairs (like when I was about to go down them), getting cancer and knowing I will die and leave my son... Etc. if I'm at shop with my son I imagine him falling off the escalator or running onto the road or something. And I can't stop these thoughts. They're constant and stupid and they make me feel like it's really happening. I feel like over the years I've done so much counselling. Not doing any right now but what am I meant to do?? I'm still like this. Some days it takes me an hour to make a decision about leaving the house and then I get in the car and then get back out again and go inside. I cancel plans or ignore friends (only occasionally) because I find life so difficult. I need to plan everything and know what's going to happen. What can I do? Is there any point in going back to see a psychologist again?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Muggles,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

To answer your question - yes, I do see a point in going back to the psychologist again. These intrusive thoughts sound like they are having a massive impact on your life, and you deserve to get the help that you need.

Is this something that you've struggled with for a long time;- did you see the psychologist before for the same reason? If they are and you feel like your psychologist wasn't helping, you could consider seeing a different one. From what I can see from your post you need someone who can work with you and help you manage these thoughts and help with the intensity of them.

Is there ever a time throughout the day where they are less intense or even not there? When are they most intense; do they have a pattern?

[Muggles]

Thank you for your response. I have had issues with anxiety and depression (and questionably, "psychotic features" depending on who you listen to) for a long time. This specific issue is kind of new, like the way anxiety presents changes over time but I've discussed many similar things with a psychologist before. I saw one psychologist on and off for years and then last year I saw a social worker. I felt like these people were both good to talk to and insightful but I don't feel like a lot changed for me. Like, I go, talk about issues, learn more about myself but don't ever seem to get around to changing behaviors/thoughts. I'm not sure if this is my fault or if therapy just doesn't work. I kind of feel like finding a different person again isn't going to make a difference. I feel like I'm unfixable. Maybe part of the problem is it's hard to keep focus on one thing as my focus can change so quickly depending on what the issue of the month is.

To answer your other question, these sorts of thoughts have always been worse at night and quite common, but just lately I'm noticing them there a lot of the day too no particular pattern.

[BballJ]

Hi Muggles,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Very tough what you are experiencing and I read your second post in reply to romantic_thi3f... I do think it is worth finding a new psychologist, sort of starting from scratch with a focus on these intrusive thoughts, did you fully connect with your last psychologist to the point where you felt relief when you would leave the sessions etc?

I don't think anyone is "unfixable" it's just a matter of staying the course and wanting to get better, you have a son who wants a happy and healthy mummy so seeking the help for this is a must and reaching out here is another good start as well.

My best for you and your family,

Jay

[MsPurple]

Hi Muggles and welcome again.

Sorry you are struggling with intrusive thoughts. I remember when I had them to a point that I wasn't sleeping. I didn't know what they were until I saw a mental health nurse. I was scared to really talk about it at first because I thought they would admit me (my intrusive thoughts were around self harm, illness and death etc) because of these thoughts. I had no control over them and I didn't want to act on them however I will admit I was getting worried that I would act on them as they became more prevalent. I found talking about it really helped me because it made me feel more normal (well normal for an anxiety sufferer). They also educated me on intrusive thoughts and thoughts you wanted to act on. They taught me what caused the intrusive thoughts and how to make them less prevalent. I found that by me acknowledging it was an intrusive thought helped me a lot. So next time are worried about your son and you know it is an intrusive thought maybe say/think 'I know this is an intrustive thought, it is horrible but it is not real and it has not happened'. This may sound silly to do but after a while it really helps as you become less distressed by these thoughts (and for me the prevalence of these thoughts went down but that could be due to medication and counselling as well). I also agree with romantic and maybe your counsellor and you are good at talking but maybe you need to ask them to focus on strategies on how to reduce your intrusive thoughts and how to make them less distressing when they occur. Maybe ask for them to write it down so you can have in your purse to look at when it happens.

My mental health nurse also recommended deep breathing and meditation. Deep breathing helps reduce your heart rate which can slow down the nervous system and reduce anxiety naturally. He also recommended meditation to help calm my mind and stop my racing thoughts. I use the app called 'calm' and I only use the free ones. You can choose how long to do it for and it does help you learn to shut off your brain and be calm for a few minutes. I recommend doing it before bed when your son is asleep.

I hope some of this helps. I know from personal experience how horrible intrusive thoughts are. All I can say is that it does get better and they will become less prevalent as your anxiety reduces.

Best wishes and let me know if any of this helps.

Purple

[Out_the_window]

Hi Muggles..i found that overwhelming thoughts while taking care of my daughter when she was a baby.usually were helped when we both had time out.i put her on my chest.i began to sleep and so did she.not only was this a form of bonding.but we both woke up feeling happier .we were both sick once and did this.and strangely enough we both recovered at the same time...apart from that i would follow up with your nearest health care .as it could be related to the medicines not doing enough for you. Cheers. Wayne.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Muggles,

Thanks for your post.

I'm sorry to hear of your experiences with the psychologists and social worker. Certainly a big benefit of seeing one is learning more about yourself, but it's a shame they weren't able to help you change your thoughts. This doesn't mean though that its' your fault. If the therapy isn't working for you, it isn't working for you - doesn't mean that it's your fault; it doesn't mean that you can't get better and it certainly doesn't mean that it's unfixable. As someone who has seen many psychologists over the years I truly cannot emphasise that enough.

If you're finding it hard to focus on one thing, maybe it would help to write it down; not only will journalling help you but then you can also draw out what's having the most impact on your life;- ideally the right psychologist should identify that anyway.

I agree with MsPurple too on her advice about intrusive thoughts; although they can be incredibly confronting to feel and experience, they are just thoughts. We have thousands of thoughts per day; but it's really because they are so scary that they have so much charge. Like MsPurple, when I've had intrusive thoughts I have learned to say - oh yup, there's that thought. Maybe there could be a way where you could say "oh yup - there's that thought again. It's the same story of my son dying; I don't like it. But it's just a thought, and my son is completely safe." Some people even picture their thoughts or name them, but I guess it's about what works for you.

Hope this helps