intrusive thoughts and severe anxiety

[katiebkn]

Hi there I'm new to this forum. So I'm having a terrible time with panic and anxiety and also depression now.. If I'm not anxious then all i want to do is cry. A few years back I suffered sever anxiety and panic attacks and my partner had to force me to eat and look after my children because I was just not coping. I don't really know how the panic attack started but over time it started to get more frequent and if I wasn't having an attack it was constant anxiety. One day I don't know how or when or why it started.. I started having what I was told intrusive thoughts.. I started avoiding things and all I seemed to do was go over and over in my head and try to convince myself otherwise. So anyway I managed after a long dark road to get better and those thoughts came less and less. . so about 4 weeks ago it all started again talking about someone else's struggles and also watching a documentary on something scared me and bought on a massive panic attack. Since that day the intrusive thoughts have come back and I am now questioning everything! I have had a lot of stress over the past year and half but surprisingly I haven't dealt with much anxiety and no intrusive thoughts. I've been really strong and felt great back to my normal body weight after losing so much weight due to stress. .I felt like an anti anxiety medication has worked wonders... but now it has all come back and I'm terrified... I don't have my partner home and I am on my own with kids.. I've been to get a mental health plan and have contacted a psychologist.. This has also freaked me out as I'm having doubts seeing him because he records all of his appointments... that has made me even more scared. So basically right now I'm living and breathing anxiety and intrusive thoughts and i can't seem to escape.. I don't want to do normal things like cook or clean and I just want to escape to my parents all the time because I'm terrified being alone. I have even turned to anxiety medication over the past week because I can't seem to kick it. The doctor has put my meds up but I'm only a few days in and they still have to go up in a few more days. Please help what if they aren't intrusive thoughts what if there is really something wrong with me it just makes me wanna die. But I don't want to die because I love my kids and family I just don't wanna feel like this anymore. I'm asking myself if they have come back then does that mean I am what my thoughts are.

[blondguy]

Hello Katiebkn.....My name is Paul and also have depression/anxiety...I will try to help you if thats okay

A warm welcome to the BB Forums and thankyou for posting. I am very sorry for the bad feelings you are having right now Katie...especially that you just want to cry when you dont have anxiety....

My name is Paul and have had severe anxiety and now depression..I do understand the dark place you are in because I also have been there including the intrusive thoughts..If I may use bullet points to help...

* You are not going to die....I can read your anxiety through your words and I understand you...

* Well done on your mental health plan by the way...thats a huge step towards healing...

* I do agree with you that being recorded is awful...but its does help him help you..After all he is human and might forget much of what you have said...so he might have to remind himself before you come in again!

* Be 'gentle' to yourself and let the meds 'kick in'....it may take a few weeks Katie...Mine did...

* I am sorry that your partner had to force you to eat...you have been through a very bad period here Katie

* Anxiety symptoms like you have mentioned are bad news...I have had them for years...They are awful but they are still feelings of anxiety.....they are feelings...dreadful...but still feelings...

* The anti anxiety meds will kick back in....they have worked before and will again Katie!

* It would be great if you can post back to us (me) There are many wonderful people on the forums that can help

* If you really get stuck in the meantime BB have kind and qualified people on the BB 24/7 Support 1300 224636

Katie...even though there are many people that can help you, I do hope you can get back to us

My Kindest Thoughts for you x

Paul

[mzb]

Hi there

Im also new to this site. I really hate intrusive thoughts. I tend to get them when im feeling burnt out or just out of the blue. I have also had ocd thoughts n behaviours as far back as i can remember. There is lots of help out there tgo

[mzb]

There is light at the end of the tunnel n brighter days ahead x

[blondguy]

Hi Katie and Welcome MZB!

mzb has made a helpful point about that spec of light in the tunnel and brighter days ahead. Just seeing how you have been traveling and hopefully okay

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[mzb]

Thanks paul...it is true though n we must stay positive 🙂 i have lived with anxiety n depression most of my life and its not a nice feeling. Here whenever you need to talk 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi Katie.....We hope you are going okay...if you choose to let us know x

MZB....thankyou so much for your heartfelt thoughts....they are greatly appreciated 🙂 Even though we dont have immediate message (IM) you are very welcome to come in and say hi and order a cyber coffee/cocoa from the BB Cafe whenever you wish...there are kind people there...even people like like me that sit in the corner on a bean bag has a break

My Kind Thoughts

Paul

[katiebkn]

Hi guys thanks heaps for getting back to me...

So my meds have been put up only third night from the final increase..

Had an awesome weekend even a night out on my own which I think I needed.. didn't enjoy the hang Ober the next day lol...

So was doing really well but today I went to see my aunty in a nursing home and I had also had a coffee for the first time in a week because I thought I was coming good... Then bang.. today it all came back.

Have dome My usual try listen to meditation and then have a rest then Google intrusive thoughts and go over and over all day.

Horrible!

How can I talk to anyone. My greatest fear is I will be reported when I tell my intrusive thoughts and then lose my beautiful kids. So scared worried and anxious

[blondguy]

Hi Katie

Well done to you on a having a night out for you! Sounds like you deserved it. You are a kind and gentle soul for taking the time to visit your auntie in the nursing home! The coffee....I love it but after so many years with anxiety/depression it still only gives me hard time.

There are many kind people like yourself on the forums that have intrusive thoughts too Katie. I hope you can deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes...Thats easily said Im still in training on that one.

Please be wary of looking up Dr Google about anything psychological...it can be a mind bender that you dont need right now.

The forums are very secure and your privacy is paramount. Please feel free to have a good 'vent' if you wish to. We are here for you

My Kind Thoughts for you

Paul x

[geoff]

hi MZB and Katie, a lot has been spoken about this topic about 'intrusive thoughts' on this site, where I too have been involved as I've had OCD for 56 years and know that what they do is awful and creates a feeling that we no longer want to feel.
Generally no matter how strange, awful, scary and frightening our intrusive thoughts are, it's just a thought that we certainly don't want to carry through with and in reality they will never happen, because the thought of them being done scares the hell out of us, so it's just like having a nightmare, they too scare us, but we realise that they won't happen. Geoff.