Introducing Myself

[anxiousguy]

Hello everybody. This is my first post and I thought I would tell you about my problems with anxiety and how it is impacting my life. I am 30 years of age and now know that I am suffering chronically from anxiety; constantly worrying about everything no matter how small the matter. I first sought help for anxiety back at the start of 2010. Did some cognitive behaviour therapy which I found to be quite useless. So I finished up with my psychologist but anxiety has gotten worse since 2010. I currently work 12 hours a week in a very menial job that doesn't test my anxiety and is good for my health but I want to better myself and look at a career/skills training for a better financial future however I have deteriorated to the point where I believe I cannot do anything other than my basic/menial job. I suffer from fear as part of anxiety and at the point now that I cant even walk into a bar and ask for a job of fear I cant do the job and that it will all end quickly. 10 years ago at 20 I was nothing like this. I believed I could do anything, that I could conquer the world. I gained qualifications and had 3 good fulltime jobs but these came to an end. How things have changed. I now spend my life in fear, with worrying thoughts and I am now having images of my own funeral and me being in peace. I just don't see the point in life overall however I do enjoy the finer things in life which keeps me going in the meantime. I am contemplating trying to get on a disability support pension and leaving my job to pay for psychological sessions with other treatments rather than cbt but know this can only help so much. I am just not too well, fidgeting, restless, tired, thoughts running through my mind too often and also angry I have ended up in this position(not my fault though). In the meantime I will just keep doing the best I can meditating/exercising/eating properly and trying to enjoy the finer things in life. I am looking forward to contributing to the forum as much as possible and I know from reading certain posts I can relate well to other peoples problems. Have a good day everybody.

[geoff]

dear Anxiousguy, hi and welcome aboard.

It appears as though you are suffering from OCD which is an illness that can control our lives, for 54 years I have had it, but over that time the degrees of it's devastation change to a certain state.

Have a look on the net and see if any of the symptoms relate with you.

This is just a short reply , but please get back to us and we can discuss it further, because it's causing a great deal of concern for you. Geoff.

[anxiousguy]

Hi Geoff. You are spot on. My psychologist back in 2010 was certain I had ocd as well as anxiety. We did some cognitive behaviour therapy. I know in my mind I have ocd as well as anxiety. I constantly worry, for example I know I want to go for a jog at some point in the day and then every 20 minutes or so I get this recurring thought that I have to go for a jog as if I am being bugged and that it is very very important when its really just a jog. I just cant relax. I also check things too much such as pulling at my car door handle too much to ensure its properly locked or looking in to ensure every knob on every door is down after I have locked it with my keys.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear guy,  (yes anxious but don't let it define you),

Congratulations of taking the decision to seek a Disability Support Pension.  Being "not too well, fidgeting, restless, tired, thoughts running through your head" and having all that anxiety makes working life difficult and may actually be making your condition worse as you battle each day to be "normal" and "perform".

The road to a DSP is full of admin.   I don't like Centrelink as they muck me around so I usually nominate my partner to go into bat for me.  Many other responders have warned of the dangers of not keeping copies.  You have to imagine that you are like a chess novice playing against Gary Kasparov.  Centrelink have all the moves - the "lost form", the "your beneift has been cut for reason X72", the "can you hand in your doctors certificate which should be on file as we have a mark against your file on the computer saying we received it but we don't actually appear to have in on our computer in full" and the "we hope this isn't inconveniant".

If you get past the opening gambit there are still tricky Centerlink knight forks to combat (such as receiving letters detailing your benefit in the same post as letters cutting it).  There is the Centrelink castling procedure whereby you turn up for an appointment only to find that Centrelink has switched it to another day (without informing you) and "Look, here is the right day on the computer ....see ?  Would I lie to you ?".  But you can generally win the day with some thoughtful anticipation and pushing the last pawn of yours up the file to hopefully exchange for a Queen. Just make sure it's covered with a diagonal running Bishop and that you can 'discover Chess' in opponent Centrelink in the same way you can discover a full tube on Minties under the car seat after it rolls out during a sudden stop.

But at this late stage of the game, when the DSP is so close and within your grasp, Centrelink will then move offices and claim the game has to start all over again.  It is pretty rare that you are treated as a mate having a quick chess game over a beer.   No, you are  treated as an annoying person who dares to rock the boat of procedure and force their hand into giving your large fortunes in exchange for a poxy illness that anyone can pretend to have.  "Huh, anxiety !  What's that when it's at home ?".

If you are shaking your head and saying "My God, this David Charles person is a real freak" then take the time to update each effort at Centrelink on this thread over the next 3 months and we shall see how things go.    You might win out as Gary Kasparov failed to beat the super duper chess computer Big Blue twice before storming out of the exhibition match and elbowing a nerdy onlooker on the way.   So that is the trick -  your "anxious guy" persona must be "Big Blue" to win out against the administrative moves of an organisation that spends its entire life playing with people and then re-setting the pieces every now and then.

When Centrelink convince you that you might not be sick enough to warrant a DSP that is the "en passant" manuevre where an attacking pawn can take the opponents who cheekily jumps 2 spaces to avoid the attack from, say, Rh7 to Rh5.  They know every trick in the book and don't even bring oranges for half time.

Adios, David.

PS  If it's any consolation I have a small British Army Pension (which is allowed) but every few years they send me a form to see if I am still alive and eligible.  To have a form to decide whether you need another form is probably closer to "Twister" or "What time is it Mr Wolf ?" as, although the moves change drastically, the position remains the same.    I must now pick up my daughter from her babysitting as they didn't work out it would be nice to drop her home.  Time:   12:10 am.

[geoff]

dear Anxiousguy, that's a good way to explain OCD ' as if I am being bugged', I must say that it's so difficult to justify what we continue to do when we have OCD. 

People tend to believe that we are insane because they have no idea of how this illness controls us, why we have to check on locks etc, but a parallel to this illness is like, say myself or anyone else who can't leave the house because of social anxiety, and this to a person who doesn't suffer from depression cannot fathom why on earth this happens.

Their usual comments back to us 'is why not', or 'don't be so stupid of course you can leave, what's stopping you'.

Again the same applies to depression, 'why are you depressed, you have a good family, house, job and everything possible' so you shouldn't be depressed.

So it's just a vicious circle, and to others we can't justify any of this to them, and that's where the problem begins. Geoff.