We can cross a river on stepping stones but if they are submerged we need to find out how to lower the water level so the stones reappear to continue our journey.
With zero confidence it wont just appear, we need to analyse it further. For example, do we fear other people? Do we worry about what others think? Do we risk embarrassment?, Do we get "foot in mouth" and say the wrong things? Were we criticised too much as children and were "never good enough"?So identifying the source is the first step. Then one can proceed.
That next step could be hard work or could be easy with a "light bulb" moment. Just as an example. I was nicknamed "the worrier" by a teacher at school. Thats how much I worried. When around 50yo a friend asked me what benefits me when I worry? Ulcers?
A while ago I started this thread. Use google
Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue
So, returning to my point, worry was natural for me as I grew up in an anxious childhood environment. I thought it wasnt curable until (the obvious) was pointed out to me. Now my worry meter is 90% lower.
Another example. It is a symptom of adhd and mania to put foot in mouth and embarrass ourselves by not thinking before we speak. So learning that we a/ dont need to reply everytime there is a gap in conversation, we can just smile b/ we can give one positive word answers "wow"..."great" c/ we can talk slower d/ we can ask questions which people love to answer about themselves e/ we can learn to talk less about ourselves.
But if we didnt know about those options we could go through our whole lives saying wrong things and our confidence would never grow.If we add that learning technique (seeking the source)with a positive attitude of "I have a right to speak up and if others dont like it...its their problem" and "individuals like me that have these hurdles are not to blame for their imperfections, we all have those" then you will advance.
One day you'll address someone for criticizing you simply for saying the wrong thing, a human mistake. A mistake that once was the reason for you being withdrawn.Then you'll know....you started loving yourself.
We shouldnt go through life punishing ourselves for our imperfections. We should commend ourselves for doing everything within our capacity to counter them...by identifying the source and considering other options.
Tony WK
