Im new and desperately need help

[sunshinechris]

Hello, I have suffered from terrible health anxiety for a couple of years to the point that it is controlling my life and everything i do. My father passed away from cancer two weeks before Christmas which went undiagnosed by Doctors (until it was too late). I watched him deteriorate and it was a very traumatic experience, Since his diagnoses I have convinced myself I have cancer and have put myself through scans, tests and doctors visits.  I have always had a fear of lung cancer as I was exposed to asbestos as a child (Home renovations) and Im an ex smoker. I have been suffering tightness of heavy feeling in my lungs and a hoarse throat lately along with pain in my upper thoracic and shoulders. After googling I have convinced myself i have lung cancer. I went to doctor who ordered an xray to ease my mind, and the results came back that I have marks showing up on the xray with apparent plueral thickening. I was told by my doctor not to worry but to be safe to get a CT (apparently the thickening is quite common) but given my history and clear past xrays, Im now really worried. I had my CT scan, but the results seem to be taking a long time (I had them yesterday and they said they would be back that afternoon). I have been a mess, not able to work, sleep or eat, I am only 41 married and have two small children. Now I am convinced that I have a terminal illness. I am so scared of the results as my lungs feel so heavy. I know i suffer from anxiety and now I dont know whats real and what is in my head.  Im beside myself with fear of dying. 

[blondguy]

Hi Chris

My sincere condolences on your Dad's passing.

Thankyou for having the courage to post and welcome. The fear of illness is very common..you are not on your own Chris. There are many people here that are sufferers of the nasty symptoms (feelings) of anxiety.

Small steps.....You have had the CT scan done and the results are late...this is also common..

I will keep this in point form so I don't bog you down in paragraphs you dont need right now....

* The anxiety can make waiting awful and exacerbate the anxiety itself...Be Gentle to Yourself

* You have done everything you can...Until the test results arrive you can do very little

* I am roughly your age and have been exposed to asbestos as well....I cant control that in any shape/form

* You are very busy internalizing....another common viscous circle..Be Kind to Yourself....

* With Anxiety the lungs can feel 'heavy'....its a physical feeling...adrenaline flowing...mind racing ..

* Its very easily said Chris and it might be of no value...try not to 'fight' these 'thoughts'...

* Think Slow....Walk Slow...Talk Slow....

* Remember to breathe...I forget...even after years of anxiety/depression

* Anxiety is like a broken leg...a physical issue. Would you 'fight' a broken leg? a virus? a toothache? Nope

I do hope your tests results are negative Chris...Your shoulders and upper thoracic pain are physical offshoots from the 'anxiety tree'

In this time of waiting do you have anyone that you can talk to? A friend...mate...leave a message for your GP..he will call back...you will feel better Chris...Bouncing off someone now would help reduce these 'thoughts'

I envy you being married and having two children...You are an intelligent and kind guy that has articulated himself well here today...This situation will pass.....It is temporary

We are here for you Chris...for any matter...Please let us know how you go with your results...if you wish..

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Sunshinechris,

Welcome to BeyondBlue and thanks for reaching out.

I'm sorry that this is happening for you and health anxiety is so hard to struggle with; when do you see your Doctor's next to get the results? It sounds like you've come to the conclusion that your CT is bad before you know the results yet, and thats a really hard thing to do.

One of the biggest things to remember is that Dr Google will always give us misleading information.  So many websites even if they look credible will throw us with statistics and scary facts.  If we all read articles on the Internet I'm sure that we'd all be told something was wrong with us - so please, stay away from Dr Google.

I understand that you're concerned about your CT, but pleural thickening can mean many other things that are not life-threatening; that can be very well-treated.  Also, delayed CT's doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong either; it might be that a Doctor got held up with another patient, or that there wasn't as many staff on that day.  Anxiety can have a black-and-white trap of thinking, so reminding yourself that there are other reasons to explain this are useful.  

Also, use your techniques to stay calm.  Do you have things to distract yourself?  What helps you when your feeling this way?  Focusing on your breathing, mindfulness, a light walk, calling a friend, watching a movie; for me it helps to try and focus on something else entirely (distraction), or to help prevent panic attacks by being as calm as possible with focusing on my breathing and telling myself that "it's going to be okay" and "I can deal with this". 

Rally your support team to help you, but you are strong.

Take care,

[sunshinechris]

Ok, I just got the results, its all ok, no signs of damage to lungs or cancer. I am so incredibly relieved! 

 Im not sure why I keep doing this to myself, there seems to be a pattern as over the last couple of years, Ive convinced myself I have had Brain Cancer, Ovarian cancer, Melanoma, Breast cancer. Each time, I put up a very logical argument in my mind as to why I have something wrong with me. I question Doctors and think they have missed something. I drive everyone crazy and I think they think Im crazy. I have also suffered from Chronic pain for years (Fibromyalgia). My current Doctor is old school and not very supportive of mental illness, he just says to me, just stop being silly and block it out. That just infuriates me more as if it were that simple I would have done that by now. I am paranoid about medications (anti anxiety and pain relief) as I over analyse the side effects and then decide not to take them because Im scared of them, so I have a bunch of meds sitting at home, unopened.  I realise now after getting clear results that maybe a lot of my symptoms are in my head..

 I really think I need help as I cant continue living this way, its horrible, and obviously not pleasant for my family either,

Christine 

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi sunshinechris,

Thanks for your post.  First I'm so glad that the results have come back clear - this is such a relief! 

Secondly, I'm glad that you have identified that there's a pattern of unhelpful thinking.  I have seen other posts on the forums here and talked with other people who are convinced that they have an illness or condition that hasn't yet been diagnosed.  As I'm sure you're aware, the constant running around to appointments and requesting tests can be incredibly exhausting.  Do you have an idea of what might be behind this pattern?  Are you experiencing symptoms that don't quite line up with your Fibromyalgia?

The good news is though that you've identified it; but it definately makes it easier if you have a Doctor on your side so that you can help rule out any unnecessary and sometimes expensive tests.  Telling you to 'stop being silly' is definately not helpful.  Maybe it might be worth trying to see if you can get a referral to a psychologist?  They are trained in lots of aspects in mental health so will hopefully be much more considerate and understanding of what you're going through.  I can also understand you not wanting to take the medication, and that's okay - but at least going to a psychologist can help you to work through this health anxiety slowly and at your own pace.

Hope this helps,

Take care,