I want to stop

[Anon285]

Hi there,

I am trying to stop worrying about two things: my appearance, and my health (because of long/term injuries that limit my ability to exercise).

I know no one cares about my appearance, and it feels stupid. I keep these concerns to myself - I take photos throughout the day to check what I look like in different angles, clothes etc. I purposely disabled my camera for half a year, but as soon as I put it back on again, I’m taking them again and I’m disappointed in myself, I’ve tried many times to stop, and I started this 4 years ago. I’ve seen a psychologist about it, who recommended thinking about positive aspects of my appearance and thinking realistically (example ‘no one cares and if they do it doesn’t matter’ and not looking at photos. For some reason I can’t kick this habit - like I get something from it, either reassurance that I look fine, or look ‘not good’. Thinking about it deeper, maybe it stems from insecurity from negative social experiences, I don’t know.

I also worry about my health because I have injuries that keep flaring up preventing me from exercising (this has been going for nearly a year, they’re getting better though). I’m waiting patiently for the injuries to go away, doing physio exercises, and then I accidentally injure myself again and I get worried about how long this will last because I’m losing fitness and I gained a bit of weight since I’ve been unable to exercise a lot like before.

I distract myself with funny videos, work, study and volunteering, but if I’m not doing those things, I’m literally thinking about this. For hours a day.

It’s an unhealthy obsession, unhelpful to anyone because there are so many things in this world that matter more than these things.

I don’t have friends, because most people are spending their time doing stuff while I spend it obsessing about these things. I’m not relatable because I worry. And I don’t want to talk about that, so I don’t talk. I have done that since year 10 (5 years ago) and had no friends throughout that because of this too.

My question is: have you experienced anything similar to this before too? Also, any ideas about what to do with your free time?

Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hi Anon285,

It sounds like you are going through a deep internal struggle.  On one hand you are aware that others most likely are not worried about how you look, yet these thoughts do not stop playing on your mind.  It sounds like you have done quite a lot to work around this, however it still plagues you on some level.  I can understand how it would be difficult to want to excercse and not be able to due to health concerns.  I can imagine that this may even become overwhelming for you.  I commend you from finding distractions from taking photos of yourself, looking at them and putting yourself down. 

I'm wondering if you would consider talking to another friendly counsellor about this and maybe get more helpful hints on this topic.  If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.  You can call them on 1800 55 1800 or via webchat https://kidshelpline.com.au/.   We also would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

Please continue to use the support of this community, you are not alone and we are here to support you.  

 

[Croix]

Dear Anon285~

I'm afraid you are just at the age when appearance matters the most, a person in their mid teens, and this is a preoccupation with very many. You have carried it to excess, and is doing you no good. Trying to see yourself with a camera from angles you could not otherwise see simply gives you more to worry about.

I think you were on a good thing when you got rid of the camera and wish you did so again now.

I guess there are two things to bear in mind, the first is nobody sees themselves as others see them, it seems to be built into the brain. People when viewing themselves consistently magnify their faults, real or imagined, though I've no idea why.

The other is that a preoccupation like this does not just come out of nowhere. I suspect you may find it is a response or symptom to something for which your should gain medical advice. I don't mean a councilor, but be properly diagnosed.

I have an anxiety condition and it caused to make me to do all sorts of things while at the same time my judgment went out the window. So may I suggest you tell your doctor about the body image and see what can be done

Alternatively you could have a talk with the Butterfly Foundation

https://butterfly.org.au/

who are very used to people worrying about how they look.

Now exercise. I think you have already had a good suggestion in hydro-therapy if not just straight swimming.

If you still have the same physiotherapist you had in December it would be well worth asking what you can do to raise your heart rate that will not make any of your conditions worse. It may be an arrangement where your hips are immobilized but I'd expect there must be something.

What do you think?

Croix

[Anon285]

Thanks Croix,

This post was encouraging and I disabled my camera again yesterday. This has helped so far and I plan to keep it disabled. You have made a very good point about how people don’t see you the same as you do - we all have different perspectives of things because we’re all different people - so I need to stop assuming people are seeing me the way I see myself. I sometimes obsess about this stuff extra when there’s other pressing things going on, eg. with work. I don’t care as much when I’m just chilling out having fun. I latch on to things because it’s how my brain works - I have been diagnosed with other ‘conditions’ if you want to call them that. I’ll check out the Butterfly foundation website when I have time, thank you. I had a blood test today to sort out the medical condition and I’m continuing with physiotherapy and I’m just reminding myself I will get better, I will get better - it’s ok. I can’t swim at the moment with the pain but I can do strengthening and roll on muscles, and walk. It’s not that bad really, I blow it up in my mind. There’s a lot of things I get anxious about in general and day by day I’m getting better. Each day I dedicate to not caring as much about stuff and improving as a person.

Thank you also to Sophie for your post - you validated my feelings as I always thought of myself as being superficial or vain or something.

Thanks

Anon285