I think I'm dying.

[eth93]

I honestly do. And I'm an absolute mess.

I've suffered from what my GP calls phantom pains many times before. These are physical pains/sensations that usually occur with somewhat obsessive thoughts of dying.

I've had 'headaches' that have last 6 months or more at a time. Lower back pain. Pain in my groin. Sensations of being cold all the time during summer. Tingling fingers. Collar bone pain. These have all lasted longer then a couple of months at a time. Usually a constant pain that gets worse when I'm not occupied. These all occur with thoughts of generally having that particular type of cancer.

Each and every time I generally see my GP for the same old routine. Blood tests. MRI scans. CT scans. XRays. Ultrasounds. Whichever is recommended online as the best method of diagnosis. And my GP always comes to the same conclusion. Its all in my head.

But I'm so scared that this time is different. I have had a slight pain/burning sensation on my right side of my abdomen, for the past two months. I also have extended periods of nausea, and sometimes what feels like acid reflux. So I have come to the conclusion that I have either stomach cancer or bowl cancer.

Once again I've had many blood tests. A CT scan, and a ultrasound. All have come back negative. And my GP has once again suggested that this is all just phantom pain.

But I honestly don't think so. I can be having a good day with my head and the pain will not be there. Then all of a sudden the next day the pain is there. Surely if it is all in my head. The pain should not be there when I'm not thinking about it. So why can I be having a good day, yet still be having the pain.

I would love to have a colonoscopy/endoscopy. But I just can't afford to. And they are really the only sure way of telling.

I'm only 26. Diagnosed with OCD and clinical depression.

[Rogue7]

Hi eth93,

I've been diagnosed OCD also with constant fears I will commit suicide. It doesn't feel like OCD to me, it feels very real and I feel as though no one is taking the danger seriously and being of any help. It's scary so I just want to acknowledge you and point out that you aren't alone xx

[Billyc]

Hi eth93

Im feeling your pain...that may across as a punt, but it’s sincere thoughts and best wishes toward recovery,

Like Rogue7 says.. your definTely not alone

best wishes

[Sky31]

“It’s all in your head” is the worst thing for you to hear right now, however, there is some truth in it. In my opinion you are suffering from a variety of mindbody and psychosomatic illnesses such as Tension Myositis Syndrome.

If I am correct in my diagnosis, the most important thing to mention is that, yes, YOUR PAIN IS REAL. You are experiencing this pain, it’s not your imagination. I’ll use your lower back pain as an example. The cause of this pain in your back is not an issue with your muscles, bones, spine, etc..., it’s caused by mild oxygen depravation.

Due to unconscious and/or suppressed emotions attempting to pop into your conciousness, your brain is reducing the oxygen flow to your back in order to cause pain (reduced oxygen flow in an area is painful) and yes, this is real painful physical pain that you can feel. This pain distracts your conscious mind from becoming aware of the suppressed and unconscious emotions such as rage, sadness and feelings of inferiority. You can feel this even when trying not the think about the pain because the pain is used as a protective mechanism in order to stop your brain thinking about the unconcious emotions.

This can be said about all the pains and issues you have described. Headaches, nausea and depression are other symptoms of the illness I’m describing. I highly recommend reading the book “The Divided Mind” by Dr. John E. Sarno. I’d go for the audiobook version if you can as hearing the content has a better effect on curing people than if they simply read it.

Give it a try, you have nothing to lose 🙂

Good Luck!

[eth93]

Thank you to Rogue7, BillyC and Sky31.It honestly means a lot, as funny as that sounds.

You'd think that being down this path half a dozen times already. Id simply get on with life. But I can't, I'm worried this time is different.

I am just going to bite the bullet and get a colonoscopy.

[Billyc]

Let us know how it goes, I’ll keep a look out for your reply,

good luck with it,

cheers

[Ash81]

Hi, I too was obsessed with thinking I had bowel cancer. Instead of doing a colonoscopy my dr gave me a FOTB stool test; where they look for blood in your stool. It’s the bowel cancer test that they send out to over 50s. If that’s positive then they send you for a colonoscopy where they give u the result on the spot. I hope that helps. If the stool test comes back negative then u can’t have bowel cancer. I did it and that’s the only way it got out of my mind... with regards to stomach cancer I too thought I had it because I have such bad indigestion/acid/nausea... the dr says there is no way it could be that because I would be very sick if it was. She said u would actually vomit non stop which thank fully I’m not doing. I’m on the health anxiety roller coaster too and it’s horrible. I hope I get these negative thoughts out of my mind. Well done to you getting the tests done I actually shake and cry whilst having it done.. I’m on antidepressants at the moment because my thinking was getting so bad. I’m like bed ridden. Please keep me posted and know that you’re not alone in this.