I over analyse EVERYTHING. I can't make a decision until I assess every variable or have a panic attack.

[1111]

I over analyse EVERYTHING. I can't make a decision until I assess every variable or have a panic attack.

I can't seem to decide on the big things or small things in my life. I'm so worried about making mistakes I take careful and calculated time to decide my next move in life.

Ihave worked hard to make good decisions in my life so far but I almost refuse to let myself make a mistake. I have a good full time job opportunity at my fingertips but I lack so much confidence even though the boss tells me I'm capable in the role. I want to recluse and persue working partime for my partners business from home with reduced hours to take the pressure off and let me rethink my career/ direction. I probably am capable of the full time job if I tried harder but I keep going around in circles with myself about if I actually WANT to do the job anymore or if Im just afraid of turning down the pay.

I have analysed the hell out of the situation from so many angles it confuses until I have full anxiety. I do this with everything. i feel like a yo yo. I fear if I walk away from the job opportunity I've let the anxiety take over (win), but if I don't listen to my anxiety and walk away or try a different path then it will only get worse. How do I know if it's the job I don't want to do or if it's the anxiety making me feel incompetent? If I feel sick with anxiety shouldn't I stop doing it? Someone please save me from my own mind.

[Neil_1]

Hi there L11

I’d like to extend to you a warm welcome to Beyond Blue and to thank you for providing your post.   And just with how you appear, it could have been quite a deal for you to write this also, so I’d like to say mega congrats to you on being able to complete this post.

Over analysing obviously can be detrimental to the mental health – as you are clearly experiencing.

However on the flip-side and the positive side, it also leads you to making good decisions in your life – as you’ve clearly described.

This job opportunity that you’re referring too – is it in a same kind of area where you’ve worked before – asking this cause just wanting to know if it is, then you would possibly be familiar with what is needed to complete the role and the tasks involved.  If that’s the case, then just from an outsiders point of view, it sounds like you’d be perfect for the job.

I might also say that working (and working, say fulltime or close to fulltime) can be a very beneficial thing for we sufferers – as it goes a long way to occupying our minds for a large portion of each day and so we don’t have those ‘down time’ opportunities to reflect on the ‘bad things’, that this illness is so keen for us to do.   I would suggest that if you were to take up a part time role, this could be a possible opening for your illness to launch a bigger attack on you – just my thought though.

Do you enjoy your work?

Do you have ‘ok’ work colleagues and bosses?

Do you feel under extra stress or pressure when you’re at your workplace?

AND if you were to take up a part time role, what benefit do you think would be gained from that?    And would you have a date in mind for how long you’d like to work part time?

Sorry for all the questions, but just wanting to get you thinking about some different things – or maybe you’ve already had these going over in your mind already.

Would really like to hear back from you on this.

Kind regards

Neil

[Doolhof]

Hi L11,

Neil has given you a lot of things to consider here and some very good advice about your issues.

I'm going to mention your never wanting to make mistakes. It is a wonderful thing to be able to plan and organise everything, but sooner or later we all make blunders and mistakes.

The thing is how we handle these. We can certainly learn from our mistakes, realise what we could have done differently and take that on board next time we try something new.

For me it is important to not let my mistakes get me down or make me feel like I am somehow a little worthless or need to feel insecure because I made a mistake.

Years ago I had chronic fatigue and since then along with depression and stress, my mind plays tricks on me and my memory is shot.

One year I sent a girlfriend three birthday cards because I forgot I had sent the others! I give family members gifts and forget what I gave them or if I have given them anything at all.

I have trouble remembering how to use functions on the computer and have to often ask my husband. I can't recall how the t.v. functions sometimes!

My husband is often annoyed with me when I make mistakes. I try to just laugh about it, accept I am not perfect and stuff happens.

Give the new job a go. It sounds like you have something to fall back on if it does not work. If your boss thinks you have what it takes, then go for it. Don't be worried about asking for help or advice if you need it!

All the best. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[BK13]

Hi L11,

I understand about anxiety making you over analysing everything and decisions being impossible.  I was in a similar situation to you a couple of years ago.  I had depression and anxiety simmering away in the background, and then my boss wanted to put me on a project.  He said how good at it I would be.  Due to my weakened mental state, despite not believing I would be good at it at all, I just agreed with him and went along with it.  I plastered on my best smile and nodded in agreement and understanding every time he gave me instructions on what he wanted me to do, even though I couldn't concentrate on anything he was telling me, and I had absolutely no idea how to do the task.  The longer I went on the more intense the anxiety was.  He asked me how I was doing with particular things, and I lied and said it was going well, and that it would be no problem to do.  But like all lies, the truth had to come out eventually.

I had to write a particular document with a deadline.  It wasn't a particularly hard document, I had written something similar before.  But due to the suffocating anxiety I was feeling by this stage, I couldn't concentrate.  I felt so stupid.  I was so anxious about doing it wrong that I couldn't do it at all.  I couldn't make simple decisions (eg what to eat for lunch!) or remember simple things.   I felt like I was suffocating all the time and tears were constantly welling up in my eyes.  If anyone came to talk to me I just wanted the conversation to end and for them to go away, when they did leave I had to go to the bathroom to try and compose myself.  Well eventually the looming deadline arrived.  I completely lost it.  I ran out of work and booked an urgent counselling session.  I cried the entire time.  She said I really should go to my GP and I did.  He gave me several weeks off work which I commenced immediately, after sending my boss a huge email saying that I haven't done a single thing that he's asked me to do.  I was completely burnt out and a nervous wreck.

This post hasn't been very inspirational for you, heh, sorry. I just wanted you to know that I have felt how you feel. I know what it's like when your boss tells you that you are capable of a job but you aren't sure or are confident that you aren't!

I will ask you this though, how satisfied are u with your current role?  Apart frm the increased pay are there issues with your current role that moving to the new role will address?  Do u NEED the extra money? 

[Doolhof]

Hi Bk13,

Thanks for your post. You have described so well how depression and anxiety can feel sometimes.

It is difficult when we have trouble saying "NO" and then suffer for it after.

I hope you are doping okay now.

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

[1111]

Hi Neil  thank your for writing to me.

Your comments have resonated with me and are definitely one side of the coin that I've been considering.

On one hand the new job is in the same area I've worked in before. Although I'm not particularly qualified for it, I've learnt on the job by falling into it at my previous workplace.the reason I'm in this position is because my previous organisation wound up and I along with all the employees were made redundant a few months ago (after 10 years there).

On the other hand, I feel I completely struggle with my confidence daily in this field of work. It's definitely not the workplace itself or the conditions, in fact they are really good people, which makes me angry with myself for feeling this way. I'm not ungrateful for the opportunity being presented to me, I just know I feel like I'm drowning in my own insecurity and anxiety about the role. I may well be capable of it (just) but I'm exhausted going around in my cycle of anxiety every each month until I crack. I've been up and down like this for a couple years now.

I would love to persue building my own business with my partner, and I pretty much do this now in addition to my full time job when I get home some nights. Which is why I feel so overwhelmed with juggling both. My perfectionism probably make's this doublely difficult to get things done. I need to channel myself into something I care about rather than worrying about the amount of pay. 

Oh and on top of this we just bought a house recently and we will be moving in three weeks and I'm trying to get this all organised, whilst running the business. I've got a lot going on. I created this though, so it's my fault I'm drowning. if I don't make myself take this job, we'll be ok financially but things will be tighter until I grow the business. But am I head strong enough to do that or is this a bad time to trust myself to accomplish something so big? the business is established already just needs more attention which I feel I can't do whilst working full time too.

Obviously you can see I've assessed this from every possible perspective so that I make a 'calculated' decision. Haha 

Too much risk assessment I think has debilitated me from moving forward and trusting in my own decisions.

[1111]

Hi Doolhof

thanks for writing to me and sharing your experience. I realise in reflecting on my behaviour that not allowing myself to make mistakes contributes to the build up of my anxiety and this will be unsustainable, because like you said we all inevitably make mistakes. I Have made mistakes, I'm by no means perfect BUT I wouldn't if I had just kept control. lol. I Need to take a deeper breath sometimes reflect and learn and stop setting the pressure on myself too high. Easier said than done.

I can relate to your comments about your husband him feeling annoyed. My partner is a magnificent support and open ear to me but I feel I'm burdening him will my inner thoughts too much, which creates another insecurity. He says he doesnt mind listening but I think it will become tiresome overtime if I don't try to turn myself around and smell the roses/ be grateful for things I and people I have rather than over-analysing everything. I worry he will build his frustration and resentment of my inability to make life decisions which ultimately holds him back too. just writing this makes me realise how over the top and detailed my mind works. I forward plan too far into the future and try to guess what's ahead of me before I get there. I want to reduce the load so I have less things to manifest and place pressure on myself about.

sorry for the long winded out pour. thnaks for listening

[geoff]

dear L11, there have been many replies back to you with heaps of information, so I'm not going to add to their comments, only to say that it seems to be like you having OCD, maybe or maybe not. Geoff.

[1111]

Hi BK13

wow, reading your post, I literally thought I was the one who wrote it. 

Thank you for sharing this with me, of course it helps to know you're not alone, although I'm sorry you've been struggling at all. I cried reading most of your words, because I truely have felt the exact same way. I have been living this same story for a couple years, up and down. People keep boosting my confidence up temporarily enough for me to keep trying to make it work but I'm tired of the exhausting cycle. I don't 'need' the extra money but it will definately have a big financial impact without it.

Can I ask what did you do after having time off? Did you stay in your job? Did it help you to assess why things go so hard?

Also, I always hear people talk about 'follow your passion and dreams' but it's not like I'm particularly pulled toward anything, I just want to run my own business, call the shots and challenge myself on at my own pace rather than feeling like I can't deliver to a boss. I completely agree that 'suffocating' is the best description of how I feel.

Thanks for listening.

[Doolhof]

Hi 1111,

Sounds like you have a lot of things on your plate right now and that you are a very capable person to have been able to juggle so much so effectively already!

I often have feelings of being totally overwhelmed due to my depression and stress problems. Even deciding what to have for dinner turns into a nightmare for me sometimes!

Moving house is a huge job in itself, let alone helping to run a business and working full time. Does it help you to make a list and then to attend to the issues that require attention right now, and to consider the rest another day?

If your partner is willing to listen to you that is wonderful. You could reciprocate and ask him if he would like to chat about anything that is concerning him.

I try very hard to listen to my husband when he needs to discuss stuff, but unfortunately he doesn't really know what to say to help me, so I just have to accept that.

Do you think you could manage the new position if you were not about to move house? Could your employer hold off on the new position until you are resettled again?

Hope you can manage to sort out exactly what you want to do, and have the ability to do it.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools