I need your advice

[Shellyem]

Hi,
I’m just wanting outside opinions on a situation I am currently involved in.
A close friend of mine has recently become engaged and has honored me by asking me to be a bridesmaid. I was over whelmed and excited and of course said yes, I mean it’s an amazing thing to be a part of. But here is the issue. This friend and I met through my sister, they were best friends in highschool and I would hang around with them at sleep overs etc.. they’ve had a rocky relationship and we’re constantly on and off but me wanting to keep the peace I stayed in contact with both. I’m close with my sister and I’m also close with this friend. This Friend has helped me in many ways emotionally and Mentally. I don’t want to upset anyone with my decision on saying yes or having to decline being a bridesmaid but I asked my mum for her opinion and felt judged and lectured. She thinks it’s wrong I was asked in the first place and basically told me I needed to chose a relationship over the matter at hand and said if it were her and this was her decision no way would she accept.I asked her how do I bring this up with my sister and what’s the right way to go about it then? She couldn’t answer. I in no way want to disrespect my sister, but I do feel this will probably hurt her.

My anxiety has been sky high with thinking about the right path to take, i don’t know what’s right or wrong in this situation and it’s really keeping me up at night. How do I talk to my sister about this? Do I bring this up with my friend and explain my concerns? I’m feeling confused and scared as to what the outcomes will be because either way I feel like my relationship with my sister or with my friend won’t be the same.

I would love a strangers point of view on this. Please any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you.

[jess334]

Hi Shellyem,

Welcome to the forums.

It sounds like a tricky situation. You are trying not to to hurt your sister while also being there for a good friend.

I would speak to your sister. I wouldn't ask her if it is ok (cause she might say no and leave you in a worse position).

I would tell her you accepted the honor of being a bridesmaid and that you are looking forward to it, but you want her to know that this doesn't mean you are choosing sides. Let her know you still value your relationship with her. But don't accept any guilt for also being close to your friend.

Good luck, Jess

[smallwolf]

Hi Shellyem,

There are no right or wrong answers here. Your friend asked you to be a bridesmaid because she felt close to you. One thing that I have noticed in my children, family etc. is that as we get older our interests may change and people might grow apart between high school and life after high school.

As for how you approach your sister in this matter might be the same way I would approach my wife when I have to tell her something difficult after I've been to the psychologist. I tend to the worry about how the conversation might go (future telling) and concerned about a possible negative reaction. And this maybe because of previous life experiences (and definitely for me)? However, I also find that when I have these conversation they go better than I thought.

One way to look at this is to consider how you might react in the same position? Or if someone told you the same story?

As for how your relationship with your friend and sister turn out, I cannot say. You can only talk with honesty and that is all you can do.

Tim