I need help. Fear of change.

[Phoebe23]

Hi,

I'm a 19 year old female who has extreme anxiety to change. I find myself in a new situation and by the end of it I find myself leaving them and feeling so much happier as I let fear overcome me. It's gotten to the point where I'm currently applying for a course and I'm just so scared and have so much anxiety surrounding it. I'm scared I won't like the course even though I do enjoy the foundations of it. I'm scared i'm not good enough, that i'll fail or i don't belong in this career industry that i've decided to go into. I know its going to change my current life routines and it something that i cant help but stress over. I recently quit a second job that I only had just started as I hated every aspect of it but the stress with having to tell everyone that just consumes me. Now this course im starting I have to tell my current boss about it, they still don't know i've left my second job and are unaware of this new course im starting. But I need to tell them as I start in 2 weeks and need to give notice about my availability. Basically I just have so much fear with new opportunities and commitments and I think i lack the strength and courage to fully commit to something. I take the easy way out instead of sucking it up and pushing through.

How can I change my mindset and develop confidence in myself, because my lack of confidence in myself is extremely clouding my judgement and creating unnecessary fear in my everyday life.

thanks so much in advance

[Doolhof]

Hi Phoebe23,

Welcome to the community here on the forum.

Recently I was told that a sense of vulnerability can affect our emotions and how we relate to different situations and circumstances, and that I have a certain amount of control over my emotions.

Would it be beneficial to write down all the situations that are causing you to feel anxious and next to them write out ways you could deal with those concerns. It may help to break them down and not make them feel so overwhelming.

If you don't mind me asking, are you receiving some assistance with your anxiety?

Hope you find some ways to reduce your anxiety.

Cheers from Dools

[Phoebe23]

Hi Dools,

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to my concerns. To answer your question no I am not receiving any professional help but I do talk about it with my parents and family/friends. But I find coming on places like here people seem to have a better understanding and I feel more at peace.

My coping is looking on forums such as these and trying to oversee the doubts as unnecessary worries. I also look up quotes on Pinterest that are motivating and relatable for that extra support.

I will definitely start writing down when I’m feeling this way and write the solution next to it.

I think it’s because I feel safe when I know I have control on my emotions and I don’t want to explore/grow because I don’t have that control. But that mindset is restricting me as I’ve said before so I really need to change it!

Thanks again

[Doolhof]

Hi Phoebe,

Thanks for your reply. If you have a look on the Beyond Blue website, you will find information on Anxiety that may be beneficial to you. I find the more I read up about my mental health conditions, the more I understand them...some days!

I'm also learning that it is okay to have uncomfortable emotions! They are a part of life, we all have them. Some of us experience them a little more intensely than others.

Writing things down helps me to understand more clearly. I can see then what is reality and what is my mind taking me on a negative trip.

Have you come across Cognitive Therapy? You could Google that and follow some of the ideas to maybe help work out your thinking. A counsellor would be able to help you with this as well.

It is great you have people you can talk with! Some people are able to try to understand but unless they have experienced anxiety, they might not fully understand what you are experiencing.

I have never had diabetes, (for example)so I don't know what that is like. I can have empathy but my understanding is limited.

After I have written down all the negatives in my life, I try to write down a list of the good things, at least three.

Hope you have a day where you can learn from your emotions, understand them better and find ways to move forward.

Cheers from Dools