I need advice

[yxis123]

Hello, I have anxiety and have been seeing a Counselor at headspace on and off for the last 6 months and have attended about 13 sessions. In our last couple of sessions we had just gotten to the crux of my issues and agreed on a plan moving forward when at the start of my very next session she asked me "how I would know if I no longer needed to come back to headspace?" It was something we had talked about in our earlier sessions why would she ask that? It blindsided me and I began to panic. I barely remember what we talked about during the session it felt like I was on auto pilot trying to figure out why she was asking this stuff. I should have asked her but I was too nervous and it felt like a silly question at the time after all we had spent the last 5 months figuring myself out with her help she woudln't just up and say 'were done' right? I went home that day I was a wreck after the session and the following week trying to convince myself that it was just a misunderstanding, I wasn't able to though so I cancelled our sessions over the next 3 weeks unable to face the answer. Towards the end of those 3 weeks it began to feel like I was slowly having a breakdown so I wrote her an email telling her about how I felt. It was a relief when she assured me it was just a badly timed mistake. Now I feel like I overacted and don't know how to or if I should apologise?

[james1]

Hello yxis123,

I am sooo glad you posted that question here. It is something that affects many of us and it can be so confusing because our feelings suddenly seem so overwhelming that they confuse everything.

I have done similar things and I notice it sometimes even happens subconsciously. Often, when I have a break from therapy over the holidays, things go wrong somehow. When I get back, I don't want to go, as if I am trying to punish her for going on holiday.

I think a lot of it comes down to how we can start to get emotionally attached or even in a way dependent on our therapist. It is a very normal thing to happen and not bad. All it means is we need to learn to wean ourselves off therapy and build trust in our own emotional strength which we have actually been building through therapy.

I am sure it is something you can talk to your therapist about more, but that is a question that often gets asked to get us thinking about what it would look like if we were to be emotionally independent. It does not mean she does not want to be there anymore. It is just a part of the therapy to help you feel increasingly more emotionally independent.

I think you can do what you feel like. If you want to apologise, absolutely do so. Your therapist is there to help you with whatever you need. Nothing has changed - she asked a question, as she normally would, and that has created a really strong emotional response from you. It is totally normal and the relationship you have with her is still there 🙂

James

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey yxis123,

Thanks for your post and I appreciate you writing in! I absolutely think you felt justified in feeling the way you felt - that question seemed like it was completely out of the blue! I know if I had have been asked that question I would have felt the exact same way. I personally don't see any need to apologise because you didn't do anything wrong.

One of the things that your therapist has learned (and I've learnt too) is different types of questions that are future-orientated. So often we are sitting in the therapists office talking about the here and now, or even things that have been going on that have made us feel this way, but we rarely ever talk about what the future can/could look like.

So when your therapist asked you that question, I think her intention was to get you to think about how your life might look like if you didn't feel the need to be at headspace. How might you be feeling? What might you be doing? How might your life be different? By thinking more about the future both you and your therapist can set some goals towards it to get you in that direction.

Hope this helps,