I'm not sure what I'm feeling

[Edie07]

So, mental health disorders are always something my family has struggled to be open about. Reading through everything I realise now that the heaviness, sadness, stress and anxiousness might be symptoms of anxiety. I'm a perfectionist, I push myself in music and sport and school and work and I know how to look after my body, but I don't know any coping strategies for my mind. My parents are incredibly unresponsive when I talk about how the sadness I've been feeling seems overwhelming and continuous, "everyone feels this way but you'll be fine tomorrow", "can we talk about this later when you're not upset". I've been feeling awful for weeks and nobody realises because I try so hard to not feel these emotions. I don't feel loved, I don't like my friends, I feel so, so alone. And things that used to excite me like parties and guys I don't have the energy or the want to keep up with. I guess my question is how do I keep from spiralling, and how can I introduce coping strategies to get past what I'm feeling. Asking anyone in a similar position or who's been through this and is okay. I don't want to be sad and I feel guilty and ashamed for feeling overwhelmed, I don't know where all the pressure is coming from and I don't know how to carry it.

[ecomama]

Hey Edie07, warm welcome to the forums. 

Your post describes so many things, so thankyou for being so informative. 
I do sincerely welcome you here, so please don't think I'm shunning you when I suggest that ALSO in addition to being here on the forums, you can probably access eHeadspace where you can use your laptop and have a chat with Youth Counsellors as an extra support. Sometimes you may have delays in responses on the forums. 
I want you to feel VERY supported. 

Firstly there's no reason at all to feel ashamed or guilty that you're struggling atm. No wonder really. 
I can tell where all the pressure's coming from, from your first post! 
Breathe out, it's going to be okay. 

You're a smart cookie and will develop the strategies that work for you. May take some time, but we're always here for you. Hugs! 

5 things to work on perhaps? 
~ perfectionism
~ overload
~ feelings of disconnect with family 
~ not liking your friends atm / losing the energy for usual things
~ feeling alone, feel unloved (could be a culmination of the above 2 points). 

Which one would you like to work on first? 

I think taking "time out" just simply to BE somewhere potentially relaxing, if only for 10 minutes a day could help you get in touch with how you're feeling, address what's truly important right now... getting to know yourself and your capacities just for today. Mindfulness apps can help calm your mind and ground yourself, YouTube has some good clips too.

Hope to hear back from you
Love EM 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Edie07!

Thank you so very much for joining our little community here; we are grateful to have you and have the opportunity to hear your thoughts!

Sadly, stigma and discomfort around discussing mental illness is still really common. It can be more so when seeking support from Parents and Grandparents, as their generations may have suffered even more discomfort around the topic. Do you feel that maybe they worry that they are unwell too? Perhaps they feel at fault for your struggles? any and all of these things might be happening, but it leaves us feeling like everyone just assumes that we will be fine - maybe they genuinely hope that for us, who knows?

It certainly sounds like some other helpers could be useful right now? Meditation and mindfulness classes? School or university counsellors? maybe a chat to your family doctor?
ecomama has also pointed out some really important points to consider Edie07, and I know more people will want to help soon!

You can also reach out to us, anytime! please call 1300 22 4636 or webchat with us here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/support-service/chat

Please stay in touch!

Sophie M.

[geoff]

Hello Edie, when your family doesn't want to talk about MI, especially if they have had the ongoing saga of experiencing this themselves is disappointing, but actually understandable, only because it might not be something they don't want to revisit as it could be a trigger for them, however it's something that needs to be discussed, because the longer it's hidden the worse it may become, and that's not what we want.

There's one word you have mentioned 'perfectionist' and although I'm not a doctor, I can relate this to an illness I'm trying to manage myself, and it's called OCD.

I wonder if you can firstly look this up and read what it entails and then get back to us.

It might not correspond to what you are saying, but interested to know.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Annas1]

Hello Edie,

sending you warm wishes this morning and hoping that you've got a sense of hope and support after reading our friends' replies to your post. I identify with much of what you have described, and have similarly felt at a loss of how to move forward when all my efforts to care for myself don't prevent the feelings of sadness, stress and anxiety. It is a very isolating and frightening place to be. Please know that many others have been in that same place, and it will change, and you will find support. The challenge is that it takes time. Accepting the experience of mental distress has been an ongoing task for me. It has taken me a long time to understand that sadness/anxiety/stress/agitation are all part of being human and being affected by the world and our relationships. It doesn't make these emotions/experiences easy or desirable, but they often happen for a reason. The process of working out those reasons is now my life project. For me, this has meant acknowledging the influence perfectionism has had in my life and in detriment to my happiness. It is liberating to know that I'm a worthwhile, valuable person AND I'm imperfect, mess things up, have crappy days. 'Welcome to the human family' is a great motto for me!

The next big piece of self work is around relationships. I'm learning to discern my passive behaviour tendency and the link with feeling absent from my own life. Lots of growth needed here for me.

So my two thoughts today - 

1. Your feelings matter. You matter.
2. You don't have to do this alone. There are people who can help you manage through this really rough time. Reach out to them and commit to caring for yourself

Both of these bits of advice apply to me today too. Even when you've been on the road of self-acceptance and self-love for a long time, you can still lose your way and need reminders of how to get back on track. Let's accept and love ourselves together.

Annas