I have dreams and goals i WANT but i keep losing interest.

[Pupubear]

There is loads of complex things that have happened in the past and I currently cant afford a psych...... so I am beyond the point of lost.

(1)Now i have my first kid on the way, i know i am deeply happy about that. But nervous!

(2)I have made a huge mistake that hurt someone and it haunts me.

(3)My anxiety ( assumed by doctors and myself )Picks up a lot and creates situations in my head that i believe is real, running from my father and my partner having sex to demon under the bed.

(4)Work and money with Covid-19... i know we are all in this. 😞

(5)My dreams i have and life goals i cant reach because of drive or something... (help)

(6)Past depression, self harm and attempts.

(7)Abandonment issues.

and more..

wooo i know right semi normal start to life....... But i dont want to keep on this path im on. These dreams i have i want to get too. I want them badly and love the thoughts i have of them. But from (3) and (5) i struggle. Its a daily thing. First i get started, I write my book and start to learn to speak Spanish or a bunch of other stuff i want to do (my goals). But then something clicks and i ether shut down or my anxiety starts to run a thought threw my head and it feels so real i just stop.

Quick touch up on the anxiety. I get caught up in thought. At the time it seems so real and i react as it is (never voicing it to anyone its not who i am) For others i explain it as like the matrix. How they add something to the environment and you see it as real, its been there the full time. the only way you can tell its not is look so closely at it. (and that can hurt)

Back to it, i want these goals so badly, i just cant seem to shake these moments i lose interest in my goals. I have tried many of the surface level stuff. Instagram inspirational posts, basic guides online and so on. But it hasn't worked for me at all.

What i really need right now is some help finding a way to keep on track so i can reach my goals. Or a way to get motivation when i dont have any.

The rest of my life i can handle with time and having the drive im missing. I believe at least.
I am open minded and would love to hear it all. For those who may be worried for me im fine, im not depressed that i know of XD. But all jokes aside, im stuck hard. I need, want, deserve and trying to get to my goals. So please someone help.

wont lie if its the same old response or something similar i will probably get stuck more.

[geoff]

Hello Pupubear, and a warm welcome to the forums.

I'm not a doctor so I'm not qualified to say, but firstly good luck with the pregnancy and the birth, however, from what I can tell you're chasing yourself around and around because your anxiety is causing this.

What anxiety can do is create a person to believe in 'intrusive thoughts' that are not only unwanted but unrealistic thoughts that can pop into your head without warning, at any time and possibly for no reason, I may be incorrect but type this into the search bar above and look at what other people have had to say.

Hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Pupubear

I can so easily hear the frustration in your words and I truly feel for you as you work so hard in moving forward.

The matrix effect is an interesting aspect. Given I'm a gal who loves to surround myself with fellow philosophers, this tends to often raise a much loved topic amongst us, 'The nature of reality'. From quantum physics to spirituality, there is so much discussion out there when it comes to the nature of reality. There are even discussions which combine the 2 areas of study. Fascinating stuff. A couple of well known guys in this crossover area are Gregg Braden and Joe Dispenza.

Of course, perception is an incredibly powerful thing, typically fueled by imagination and in some ways chemistry. For example, if we're led by many to imagine our self as 'completely hopeless in every way' and we come to believe this as being the truth, our reality is lived as 'He/she who is completely hopeless and that's the truth'. Hard to get natural hits of dopamine within this mindset. If we're led by many to imagine our self as 'completely competent in every way' and we come to believe this as being the truth, our reality is lived as 'He/she who is completely competent and that's the truth'. It's kind of like who we are (our identity) is somewhat based on what we're led to imagine. This is where it remains important in paying attention to who we're playing 'follow the leader' with.

I've found being an open minded sensitive person comes with both pros and cons. An open minded person has the ability to freely allow inspiration in (positive words and visions) and they can feel such inspiration as being incredibly energising. The down side: If an open mind and sensitivity are not carefully managed, an open minded person has the ability to take in oppressive, suppressive and depressing belief systems and feel these things also. I've found it's vital to analyse the hell out of anything that feels depressing (make sense of it) before I decide to open my mind to it, allowing it in. Much easier said than done at times 🙂

It sounds like you have a great amount of natural intelligence. There's not a lot of mainstream talk about how to manage this kind of intelligence. Making sense of what comes to mind, managing what naturally comes to mind, can sometimes require somewhat of a mentor. Do you know anyone in your life who would make a great mentor? They may appear as someone who is a legend when it comes to seriously and carefully managing their imagination.

🙂

[Pupubear]

Hello and thanks for your kind words!
The short answer is no. I am in that sense alone and working towards being a mentor myself. My partner has her own mental struggles which affect her greatly, and my brother is in the same boat. so i find myself looking after them and being the mentor there, also for my mother at times hahaha. Thats a whole other thing. My two best mates are also struggling with problems themselves. Existence and so on....

I would love a mentor but i would also have no idea how i would react. I am a very picky person and have strong morals and ethics so the mentor would have to fit them firstly. Then comes the fact i have never let anyone lead my life or guide it; maybe i need too...... which is a thing i will now have to think about also.

Today was the first day i managed something constructive. i have planned out the next two years and managed to do washing and a workout. although this has happened in the past, random outburst of motivation, i always ends back in the slumps.

you mention philosophy's and stuff like that. and i have gotten over the reality thing in the past. The matrix was a hard few years. In short what i went to was the last Thursday theory. (every Thursday the world resets). And that's a whole other thing for some people. For me though it was; it doesn't matter if the world isn't real, resets or is real... the thing that matters is how i feel.
that creates other problems also though. like the 'anxiety' creates and makes me feel many things... and if the only thing that matters is how i feel and what is now... then its the only thing that matters at the time. So relatively speaking is something i try not to do. As it brings me down more. Which makes me again lost.

sometimes i envy the simplicity in some peoples minds especially narcists. Imagine waking up daily and having that level of confidence and no matter what the world throws at you. You still love yourself.

Plenty more moral and ethical things i have struggled threw and looked into. Even from a younger age. Im 22 now for context.

Anyway i could rant and msg on for a long time.
ill look back at this thread from time to time. Hope you are having a good afternoon.

Kind regards, Nathan.

[Pupubear]

I will look into this latter tonight, i am worried it will get rid of my motivation i have.

Thank you though for your comment and time. Instead of just looking into anxiety ill look into intrusive thoughts. If there is anything else you can recommend that isn't normal stuff, ill be happy to look into that also.

Kindest regards, Nathan.

[Petal22]

Hi Pupbear,

Sorry you are feeling this way….

in regards to affording a psychologist, if you see a gp and do a mental health plan the first 10 sessions are usually free with a phycologist…

In regards to intrusive thoughts I understand this I had severe anxiety OCD this consisted of intrusive thoughts the anxiety that accompanied this disorder was very intense.

I have written two threads you may be interested in reading..

From someone who had OCD and recovered

and

Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive Therapy

im here to chat

[geoff]

Hello Pupubear, there are many different ideas about intrusive thoughts such as

-Fear-based thought that you might do something inappropriate or embarrassing.
-Fear-based thought that you've got a disease with no basis to support it.
-Flashback to unpleasant things from your past. ...
-Inappropriate thoughts or images of sex.
-Thoughts of committing illegal or violent acts but please have a look at Petal22's threads.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Nathan

You sound like a guiding star for others. I imagine it feels exhausting at times, trying to keep your glow on. Do you ever wonder 'Where's the light/brilliance when I desperately need it?' Keep in mind - the light you seek is the kind of light you are to others. Their progress reflects your brilliance.

I'm a firm believer that every light needs a light of their own, a mentor. So important not only in the way of direction but also in the way of a recharge now and then. When I say 'recharge', there's nothing like meeting the revelations you're in desperate need of to suddenly charge you up. Met one of my key mentors in life some years back, a legend. He used to be a life coach before turning to being a spiritual coach, an aspect that speaks to a deeper part of us. I can recall when I 1st met him, he led me to cry. He led me to let go of something that was seriously holding me back in coming to know myself better. I reconnect with him every couple of years for some form of guidance I'm in desperate need of. I always come away feeling pure inspiration. Pure inspiration is so incredibly energising. There doesn't appear to be a lot of pure inspiration in this world when we're being led to focus on the opposite. Btw, the media's seriously triggering, how it can lead us away from inspiration. You can really feel it at times.

Can relate to reality being strongly related to feeling. My feelings are my compass in a way. Going from 'I feel...(this way or that)' and going to 'What am I feeling or sensing on this occasion?' has been testing when it comes to feeling my way through life. If you're a 'feeler' you'll feel everything and this can be taxing, not just mentally but also physically. How does being overwhelmed feel? How does the rise to courage feel? How does mental exhaustion feel? What about pure inspiration? If you're thinking 'I've forgotten how that feels', you're not alone 🙂 Someone mentioned to me not too long ago that they'd seen a therapist who led them to feel the weirdest sensation they'd ever felt in their life. It actually scared them. When they described it, I asked 'Have you ever felt peace?' They were shocked before saying 'My god, that's the 1st time I'd ever felt peace. That's why I didn't recognise it. It was truly incredible'.

Maybe our greatest challenge is to love our self because of our ability to feel. Mastering this ability is a whole other story.

Is a narcissist feeling true love or something altogether different?

🙂