I don't know

[Kane_]

I don't exactly know what I expect to achieve from this maybe some kind of answer or closure I don't know. I feel like I shouldn't even be writing this as I know there's people out there way worse off and deserving than myself. But I figured I've been constantly visiting this site for I can't even remember how long now in the hope to talk to someone but never end up getting there before I back out. For quite a long time since my early teen years actually I've been a anxious person always looking over my shoulder feeling judged, worthless, nervous, crying for no reason etc. that has seemed to stick around and progress as I've gotten older. The last 2 years I feel like I'm getting worse I no longer enjoy doing things I once used to love, it now feels like a chore. My eating patterns seem to be all over the place, one moment I can clean out half the house of food and the next I won't touch anything food related for a couple days or so. Sleeping has started to become an issue sometimes I'll sleep fine and other times I won't sleep at all I'm constantly tired no matter if I've had 8-9hrs sleep or 3hrs sleep. Everything in general has started to feel like a chore really I'll come up with any excuse not to leave my house apart from work and food shopping which even with food shopping I'll leave until the very last minute. I used to like getting out of the house on the weekends and exploring, but now whenever I go out I just feel exhausted and start to freak out at random times around groups of people. Which is my main concern just randomly my chest gets tighter my breathing sometimes becomes heavier and my whole body just goes into a very hot flush. Which freaks me out as I feel like people around me notice this happening thinking I'm some sort of weirdo which tends to make it worse. By that point I usually just bail on whatever it is I'm doing and I leave to go back home.

I probably shouldn't have bored everyone with my whole life story but I guess I kind of wanted to paint a picture so I can get some sort of answer or closure as I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I just want to know whats wrong with me, why do I feel like this? why does it feel like my mind/body is controlling me and not the other way around? Is it something I'm doing? can I fix it?

[geoff]

Hello Kane, and thank you for posting your comment.

Perhaps before we can suggest what you can do, is enter K-10 test checklist, it's something to give you a level of your anxiety and depression and will give you questions to answer and finally give you a score on what you should do.

Please let us know so we can then continue on with your comment.

Geoff.

[Isabella_]

Hi there Kane,

Thank you for sharing your story on here. You mentioned that you've pushed back talking to someone about this, and I'm really proud of you doing that here today. That's a really amazing step.

It's easy to feel shame or guilt from talking about our mental health, because it's easy to say that someone else has it tougher. I want you to know that everything you are feeling is valid, and can't be written off based on other people's life experience. Please know that this is a judgement-free space and we're here to listen.

From what you've written it sounds like you're experiencing some pretty bad anxiety, maybe social anxiety specifically. It sounds like you've struggled with your mental health from a young age for quite some time now, and it's interfering with your day to day - eating, sleeping, going out, your mood, it sounds like you're also starting to isolate yourself and that you don't enjoy the same things anymore. Please know that this isn't something you're imagining, or that you're making up. Depression and anxiety often are experienced at the same time.. There isn't anything wrong with you. I think it's healthy to look at it like your physical health - your mental health is just as important, and by the sounds of things it's been ignored for quite some time. Your mental and physical health are also very interlinked.

I'm curious if you've ever seen a doctor or professional about what you've been going through. How would you feel about taking that step?

I hope you can come to a place where you're more patient and accepting of yourself and what you're going through, and not dismissive of your feelings.. I hear you and believe you. No one should be expected to go through something like this for so long and feel shame or guilt for talking about it, especially when it's impacting your every day life.

I hope you're taking care of yourself, I'd love to hear from you ❤️

[Miz]

Hi Kane,

First of all I want to say welcome to the forums - I am so glad that you were brave enough to post and tell us your life story. We want to listen and help if we can. Don't ever feel like your struggle isn't valued - we want to listen. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and depressed moods. I'm sorry you've been going through this, I know the first time we have a really low mental health episode often feels like the end of the world. But not to worry Kane, things do get better.

To me it sounds like you are showing symptoms of panic attacks - particularly the flushes and tight breathing sounds exactly like panic attacks myself and many people around the world have experienced. There is no shame in this Kane, they are sometimes a symptom of anxiety and often happen in social situations (eg. when you are outside and around other people). I know exactly how you feel - isolated and completely out of control. However, help is out there for you, and once you have acknowledged what is happening the situation often gets much better.

Have you got a local GP? I would recommend paying them a visit and asking if they can refer you to a psychologist to talk about it. The best part about most anxiety disorders (and panic attacks) is that they get a lot better through talk therapy. I know this can be soo daunting at first, and may seem like an overreaction. But take it from someone who has been there, life can get so much better when you see a psychologist or anyone who can talk to you about it! You deserve this help Kane.

Happy to talk more if you need, hope to hear from you.

[Petal22]

Hi Kane,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand.

You can get better from this you really can.

I highly recommend you make an appointment with your gp so you can discuss how you have been feeling and how it’s affecting your life.

I recommend you do a mental health plan with your gp this will enable you to see a psychologist a psychologist can give you many helpful strategies for managing what you are experiencing.

[Banksy92]

Hi Kane, welcome and thanks for sharing your story on the forums. It's the first step to acknowledge how you're feeling and reach out for support.

You are definitely not alone in what you describe, anxiety is crippling and can cause a huge disruption to our sleep, how we eat, our ability to socialise and our general outlook in life. I have been where you are and it is awful. But know that it definitely gets better.

Have you considered making an appointment with a GP? They may refer you to a psychologist who would definitely be a great support for you to manage your anxiety and improve your quality of life. This was the major change for me in recovering from my lowest and most severe period of anxiety.

You may also want to explore some other simple steps to help you cope in the short term...

For me, journaling my thoughts before bed is a great way to decompress and help me sleep. Maybe you could try something similar?

Another useful tool is meditation/deep breathing exercises. Slow, deep breathing helps to regulate our nervous system, and with practice, it can drastically improve symptoms of anxiety. This guided meditation from youtube might be something you want to try?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8a3T8pI9Ns

Let us know how you get on.

[jaz28]

hey kane,

i am sorry you are experiencing this! anxiety is no fun.

what really helped me was seeing a psychologist and learning some strategies to help. could this be something to consider? you can start by seeing your GP!

hope things improve.

jaz.