I don't know where to get help

[Beltane]

I've had GAD and panic with secondary depression for my whole life. I got in under control with medication and therapy but it wasn't well under control, I eas barely coping. My job was stressful and I had a breakdown and became unemployed 6 months ago.  Since theh I've been studying online to get a diploma but that's at least a year away.

my anxiety is out of control, Ive been getting cbt and act therapy for 3 years but I clearky need medications. I've trued 5 different antidepressants abd have severe reactions to then all. So my gp is starting to consider less common alternatives like antipsychotics or mood stabilisers but she needs a psychiatrist to consult. So I went to a bulk billing psych and got put on yet another abtideoressant and got so sick I called an ambulance. 

Now apparently the wait list is too long for a psych and it makes it harder as Im so anxious I can't drive to the city (I live in the outer suburbs). I'll try if that's the only option. And I have little money. 

Apparently a psych hospital is not suitable as I'm "not that sick"

but I don't know how loudly I have to say I'm in trouble. I have no suicidal thoughts but I'm in intense depression anxiety panic, I haven't found a reliable med as they all make me extremely sixk. All I want is to get stable and get a job as money is so tight it's a constant  stress. But no one seems overly concerned- I need help NOW. I can't be waiting weeks or months suffering like this. What can I do? 

[Jacko777]

Hi Beltane,

I think you should ring the BB support line, number at the top of the page. Speak with someone who can understand what you are going through and knows what options are available.

What things did you learn in therapy that might help you right now? Would it be possible to find some time each day where you can focus on something that makes you feel good? Some exercise, music, any pastime that you enjoy? Meditation helps me to practice focusing my mind, a guided meditation is good for a busy mind, there are plenty on Youtube. 

I am concerned for you, please ring BB and please let us know how you go. You will get more advice and support from others here that have similar experiences. I send you love and I pray that you are on a new path to love and happiness.

[Beltane]

Thanks for the kind reply.

Yes I have several useful coping skills, relaxation skills. I spend almost all day everyday doing things I enjoy- all my favourite happy things. I have a supportive loving partner who is obviously being very supportive but he doesn't know the system or where I can go to get quick help from a specialist who can help work out a med that mjght be right for me.

im just emotionally exhausted- I've been essentially without adequate medication now for many years. One abtideoressant helped in that I could sleep and eat- I was only 44kg when I started it. I don't have an eating disorder, I just become so sick from anxiety I stop eating or sleeping. But apart from that I didn't see much benefit to mood or anxiety. every other med since has made me extremely sick- like I've had to go to ED, I called an ambulance once cod the side effects were that nasty.

so that's onviousky tiring too, having to deal with all that and the stress of not finding a tablet that works without making me extremely ill. 

Again, I love my partner and I have many happy hobbies and dreams and goals for the future. I'm studying a course I love for a job I know I'll love.

but currently Id be too sick to work even my dream job, let alone a job for now just to Pay the bills. Money is extremely tight, we're not even celebrating Christmas as we can't afford presents. 

And ive ive tried and tried to find a part time job, the worst of my symptoms are in the morning so I wanted a little part time afternoon job. I believe having the money but also having something beneficial to do- I think a job would actually help the stress in many ways and is no longer be so concerned with money and id be able to get back into a "normal" life. 

But it I lost my last job due to the illness so i have NO references. When im feeling well enough I volunteer to get references, but lately the anxiety has progressed to a completely debilitating level. Also I refuse to go back into the field of my old job- so I don't have any experience in another field. I've handed out hundreds of resumes personally to every business I de advertising, I dress up in nice clothes and speak professionally and politely. I even got a resume writer to fix up my resume. But no one has answered in over 6 months. 

Plus interviews cause enormous panic- like I'll usually vomit before them or even during them. I try all my coping strategies but they only seem to work for mild- moderate panic/ anxiety. 

[Neil_1]

Hi there Beltane

Wowee, you’re going through some extremely tough times and have been doing so for a while now.  It is wonderful to hear that your partner is supportive – that is always a big plus.   But boy oh boy, just 44kg – that’s ultra light – hey, you could probably pick up work as a track-work rider at your local horse racing turf club – you’re sure light enough.  🙂

That’s also very pleasing to hear that you’ve got your coping mechanisms set in place and are doing things that you enjoy.  That’s another big plus and good on you for being able to recognise this and do these sorts of things.

Regarding medications though, there are so many different varieties – it’s not good that you haven’t been able to find one that was suitable for you.  You’d think the prescribing professional would be looking at the relative features/perhaps even ingredients into the ones they prescribe for you – and if one is no good for you, then you’d hope that they wouldn’t go down a similar path or variety with their next choice.

With regard to interviews, they are one of the most hated things or at least, one of the most feared things (along with dentists and hearing Justin Beiber sing) that people dislike doing.  Interviews just rip you up inside, as you clearly know.  I had one on Wednesday and had all those feelings as well.  The only thing I can suggest here, is for when you have one, just do as much research and study for it as you possibly can.  And between you and your partner, create a list of possible questions – then you determine your answers;  and then have a ‘mock interview’ at home with your partner asking the questions.  It feels a bit odd and silly at first, but if you go through that a few times beforehand, it can place you in good stead for the actual interview.

I’ll wrap this up for now, but please keep posting.  Also awesome to see that you’re reaching out to others on this site as well.

Neil

[Beltane]

Thanks all for the replies.

So I went back to my new doctor who has been very supportive and said I needed more help. So I got a refereal to a psychiatrist as we need a specialist to figure out what it is that isn't working with the drugs so we can put me on one that will!

then the waiting list was 3 months at many places I rang, and the cost was huge. That's when I hit a brick wall- I cried for ages theh called my psychologist, and she referred me to the emergency psych triage team. Thank goodness they listened abd saw the need for a quick review and I'm very lucky- I've got a psychiatrist in 2 days!! I feel very grateful for the people who are trying so hard to help me. 

I I feel a bit better now because now there's a plan in place- Im seeing the psych, the psych will sort out something, we'll go from there. I'm already eating and sleeping a little bit better, and I'm able to stop crying and get out of bed for a few hours and go about my day. just the stres of not knowing where to get help was destroying me- now that help is in motion,  I feel like I can breathe just a little easier.

ill keep posted after Monday when I see the psych. I'm quite looking furward to it- hopefully they can work it out! I know it might stil fake some time and trial/ error but at least we're going forward- I just can't stand hitting the wall of "I don't know what to do next", that's what really triggers my panic attacks. I can cope with almost anything if only I have some sort of plan or hope 🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi there Beltane

I am so pleased for you to hear that you've got a psyche appointment coming up soon.  That must be a huge weight off your shoulders.

Having that appointment is a very good start - but remember, there'll be the need for a number of appointments, I'd imagine, so things can be totally worked through.

Have you got a plan for what you'll outline and unload to the psyche?   Just as a hint, it might be good to jot down some dot points for how you've been, how you're feeling, what's causing you your main stressors, etc.  I do this often;  and just have it with me.  I don't always refer to it, but just on the chance that I become a bit overwhelmed (or even if there's something that I really want to mention) and so I don't forget to say it.

And yes, please keep posting - and it's been awesome to see that you're also reaching out to others.  That can be a good inner thing to do - in being able to reach out and provide support and possibly advice to others;  I hope you can continue doing that also.

Kind regards

Neil

[Beltane]

Hey all!

So a follow up! I went to the psychiatrist, there was also a psychologist present during the meeting. We spent nearly 2 hours talking through everything that had been going on- all my mental and physical symptoms, my previous reactions to medications, my previous runs of therapy like CBT and ACT, my previous and current lifestyle changes.

So the Psychiatrist said that it was better that we treat the symptoms presenting rather than stress too much about which exact diagnosis it was (i mean obviously its an anxiety spectrum kinda thing). but I dont really present or suffer with depression- my main issue is severe anxiety which in turn obviously can cause quite a lot of distress (as you probably saw in my first post).

They were happy with the lifestyle changes i was making and have made, and were very happy with my dedication to therapy and behavioural changes (i have been receiving ACT therapy for 6 months which I love, previous to that I did CBT for 2 years. I have also entirely changed careers and am studying to get qualifications in my new chosen career- teaching). but obviously they could see that the anxiety was still a massive problem as was the physical synmptoms i got from it- nausea, insomnia etc.

The doctor decided to try me on a low-dose antipsychotic thats often extremely useful in people with predominant anxiety and panic attacks.

I started it about 6 days ago now and its been the best 6 days of my LIFE. I'm seeping a beautiful restful 8-9 hours each night and waking up alert and energetic (not dopey or sleepy). My anxiety has totally calmed down- as have my mood swings caused by the anxiety. Not a single panic attack, not a single mood swing, not a single episode of feeling inappropriately sad/ crying/ agitated/ anxious/ irritable. And most importantly ALL (yes ALL) my physical symptoms have GONE. For the first time in YEARS i'm waking up without a scrap of nausea and theres no hint of nausea at all all day! No stress headaches, no funny tummy pains, nothing. It's all GONE.

best part is i was worried a drug like this might turn me into a zombie but thats just not the case. I'm still me- still feel normal emotions, still feel capable of worry, sadness, concern as well as happiness etc. But the thing is that those emotions seem far more appropriate to the situation and far more "reasonable"- they're not excessive or unwarranted.

This is the amazing! I feel so great! And not a single side effect!! None even one!

Thankyou all!!!

[Jacko777]

Hi Beltane,

That is terrific news, wow! Through your persistence you have found a solution.

Good stuff!