I can’t cope with social situations.

[Mel24]

I’m a 17 year old and struggle with anxiety and depression (though I take medication to manage it)

I can’t cope with social situations and I end up breaking down and leaving or not going to social events because I find it hard to cope.

Recently, I went to a couple small parties, (non raging parties, just chilled out get togethers), and I didn’t go to one because I got so anxious I convinced myself not to go. The other party, I went to but ended up crying and ringing my Mum to come get me before the party even really got started.

I find it hard to cope in social situations and am looking for a way to manage the anxiety I get that comes with social situations.

Im missing out on so many things because of it and I want to be a ‘normal’ social teenager, rather than crying myself to sleep, in bed, alone.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Mel,

I feel your frustration and sadness at missing out on activities and events that you (understandably) want to participate in. Your anxiety sounds so debilitating, and social situations are a clear trigger...that must be so hard...

I must commend you on your effort in pushing yourself to go to that party. Even if you ended up calling your mum to take your home, I think that’s okay. I think it’s very brave that you went, because I know it couldn’t have been easy for you...

I’m happy to give you some suggestions, and you can see if you like them or not...

I would gently suggest coming up with strategies for different situations e.g. a party strategy, a casual outing with friends strategy, etc.

I suppose the idea is if you have a loose plan then you wouldn’t be walking into a situation completely unprepared. Granted, I get that unexpected events can happen, but the idea of a strategy is to make you feel more prepared and have at least some fallback options...

For example, your party strategy, could be

• Arrive on time at the venue
• Greet the host
• find friends (or someone who seems approachable to talk to)
• get food and drinks
• if you feel your anxiety peaking then maybe excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and you can use breathing exercises there
• if your anxiety subsides, return to your friends
• if it escalates, maybe then you can call your mum
• Even if you leave the party early, congratulate yourself for trying.
• etc, etc

I know it might seem incredibly silly and pretty obvious, but sometimes I feel when our minds are feeling very anxious, it can be hard to remember to do basic things...

My other little suggestion is maybe looking up Headspace online. They have a whole range of free mental health services for young people, so that’s something you might like to look up 🙂

I hope this gives you some ideas...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Rishie]

Hi Mel,
I have social anxiety too and I never know how to cope in social situations. When I was in high school I told my school counsellor about it and she helped me to explain it to a couple of other girls I had spoken to before. It did help because then they understood me a little better. Maybe talking to a counsellor might help you too?
It is good that you went to that party even if you had to come home early. Every time you try, even if you don't succeed, it's still a positive thing because you made the attempt.
Rishie